X-Entertainment's Archived Articles. Not all of 'em. Just some.

	Toy Fair '04: The Best Of The Rest! Written by me for UGO, here's a look at some of the stranger playthings seen at this year's International Toy Fair. I don't think you'll see this crap covered on most other sites. Shrunken heads? Inflatable ninjas? Carrot growing kits? Baboochi?! (2/23/04)
	The String Cheese Commercial! This might be the greatest day of our lives. After over a decade spent in undeserved dormancy, X-E dusts off one of the greatest commercials of all time. It's the mid-80's debut of Polly-O String Cheese -- the best part of the pizza! "Hey Sch-Jimmy...gimme a cheese with nuttin." Yup, download included. (2/19/04)
	Wacky Valentine's Day Cards! Let X-E be your Valentine with this special look at four different Valentine's Day card sets from yesteryear: The Legend of Zelda, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Super Mario Bros. and the California Raisins. A whole lotta love in a whole lotta little envelopes. This article will turn your skin pink and make you sprout wings covered in Ghostbusters 2 Love Slime. Enjoy. Be Mine. (2/14/04)
	Cobra's Chia Plot -- Part III! Will the madness never cease? In the latest installment of Cobra's Chia Plot, Commander Frack and his Gremlinized troops return to Cobra Headquarters, where they must persuade the top officers that they're really who they say they are. It's an adventure full of twists, turns, and a shocking surprise ending that will make you piss a lot. (2/13/04)
	The Top 11 Mail-Away Action Figures! Cobra Commander, Mumm-Ra, Sgt. Slaughter and Clark Kent had something in common. They're some of the greatest action figures ever made, but they were only available through the mail. Better get some stamps ready, here's my eleven favorite mail-away exclusives ever. (by me for UGO, opens in a new window) (2/11/04)
	Robo Force: The Fortress of Steele! Okay, so it's not the greatest article choice in the history of article choices, but I used to love this playset. Robo Force never quite captured the hearts of kids like Transformers or other battling androids, but they sure had nice digs, baby. (2/09/04)
	The Ninja Turtles Fan Club Kit! Pizza Points and proofs-of-purchases granted Ninja Turtles fan a mailbox bounty like none other: the official TMNT Fan Club Kit! A bandana! A membership card! More! It's an assault of Ninja Turtle goodness trapped in a Ninja Turtle envelope. Check out the goods... (2/05/04)
	Elm Street: Freddy's Bubble Gum! In 1989, Freddy Krueger attacked the world with another massive plot, this time involving candy. Yes, it's "Freddy's Bubble Gum," the strangest thing to chew on save for Freddy himself. Are you courageous enough to eat what Freddy tells you to eat? (2/05/04)
	Eating Spongebob Squarepants. The world is mad for Spongebob Squarepants, and now, the world can eat Spongebob Squarepants in 100 different ways. Check out this special feature for a look at the toon dynamo's Pop Tarts, cereal, fruit snacks, popsicles and more. If you're hungry, eat Spongebob. He's covering like 50,000 food groups these days. (2/03/04)
	The Transformers Decepto-Pack! Take a look at the Transformers "Decepto-Pack," which let the four kids who owned it in 1984 transform themselves into a vaguely defined and decisively generic Decepticon. And when they were finished, the costume transformed into a backpack! What fun! With special bonus feature on Transformers "Decoys." (2/02/04)
	Cobra's Chia Plot -- Part II! The saga continues! Join General Frack, Storm Shadow and the rest of the gang in part two of "Cobra's Chia Plot!" It's a world of novelty plants, hidden enemies, and a surprise ending that'll have you asking yourself: "why would anyone photograph and write this?" You won't believe your eyes! Two pages of incredibility! (1/30/04)
	The Battle of the Rock Lords! Yup, a Go-Bots movie. Made in 1986, "Battle of the Rock Lords" impressed no one and made no money. Though generally hated, I didn't think it was too bad. Bad, but not too bad. Massive review with video clippies. (1/27/04)
	Five. Terrible. Board Games. Here's a tribute to five of the worst board games I've ever picked up, including "Full House," "Tetris," and yes, "90210 Twister." Five different reviews all crammed on one skinny page, for your viewing pleasure. Roll the dice and take the cards, man. (1/22/04)
	Fisher Price's Pocket Rockers! Made by Fisher Price in 1988, "Pocket Rockers" were many kids' first introduction to the world of music. With tape choices limited to Debbie Gibson and Tiffany, it's up to you to decide if that was a good thing. Check out the tiniest rainbow-colored tape players ever... (1/21/04)
	The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man! It's "The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man!" The fourth in a six-issue series published by Marvel in 1987, it's the comic book that explains the behind-the-scenes life of Kool-Aid Man, his enemies, and the dozens of children who worship him. Page-by-page review with bonus section! (1/19/04)
	Pop Secret's Pop Qwiz! Not sure how many of you remember this junk -- it wasn't around very long. During Pop Secret's attempt to corner a younger market during the early 90s, they hatched a brilliant idea. Why not make popcorn in neon colors? With that, "Pop Qwiz" was born. (1/16/04)
	Cobra's Chia Plot -- Part I! It's Cobra's Chia Plot! Part I! Watch in awe as Commander Frack, Storm Shadow, Viper and Grip battle against time to grow a Chia Pet at the demand of Cobra Commander! The Joes will never see it coming! Can our troops accomplish their mission? (1/15/04)
	GloFish: The Living Fad! After months of news reports, statewide bans and piqued public interest, "GloFish" have finally arrived. What are they? Well, they're fish that glow. Sort of. Here's my personal investigation on one of our culture's rare living fads, along with some pictures of neat fish food. (1/12/04)
	The Mystery of Hostess Choco-Diles! A tribute, study and exploration of the fabled and elusive edible species known as the Hostess Choco-Dile. Do they still exist? Can you...still eat them? Learn all there possibly is to learn, with just one click. Bonus feature: commercials starring Captain Cupcake and Twinkie the Kid! (1/09/04)
	The Amazing, Incredible Bag O' Crap! The Amazing, Incredible, Partly Edible BAG O' CRAP! A Ziploc filled to the brim with cereal premiums, old candy, stupid toys, silly stickers and more. 49 items in all, each one of 'em pictured and reviewed in this almost-special feature. (1/07/04)
	Movie Review: Critters 3! Longtime readers should be familiar with "Critters" and "Critters 2." Here's the third film in the series, featuring more filthy Crites eating everything (and everyone) in sight. Awful little flick, but still notable as the film debut of Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes, he got his start in "Critters 3." (1/04/04)
	Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cereal! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cereal? It happened, and it was...interesting. "Ninja Nets" and turtle-shaped marshmallows abound in Ralston's inspired attempt to make our green heroes the champions of breakfast. Full review with commercial download and bonus short story! (12/31/03)
	X-Entertainment's Advent Calendar: 2003! If you're ever in the mood to feel the holiday sprit, check out X-E's Advent Calendar. Twenty-five articles counting down the days till Christmas 2003 covering everything from old holiday commercials, wacky Christmas junk food, and the continuing adventures of Mare Winningham. The ultimate Christmas experience! (December, 2003)
	Cap'n Crunch's Christmas Crunch Cereal! From the Cap'n to you! Christmas Crunch, a Cap'n Crunch spinoff, was and remains the best of the holiday cereal brands. Full review, including a commercial download and a box of the good stuff unsealed after well over a decade. (12/12/03)
	A Family Circus Christmas! Yes, "Family Circus" had a Christmas special. Jeffy asks Santa Claus to raise the dead, Billy makes pouty faces, and Mommy makes pointy titties. It's all in good fun, and so is this review. With video clips. (12/09/03)
	Santa Claus' 900 Number! Good lord. Some of you might remember this short-lived fad. Santa Claus hotlines. There were a bunch, but this was the best of 'em. Just two dollars a minute, folks! Also: Santa is a rapper. (12/02/03)
	Macy's Thanksgiving Parade: '85-'86! Get ready for the time of your life with this massive review of the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade -- 1985 and 1986 editions! Shitloads of video clips, tons of He-Man falling over, and yes...Phyllis Diller on crack. Strongly recommended read. (11/27/03)
	Superman Peanut Butter! Superman had a peanut butter brand? That he did, and while it may have tasted just the same as all the rest, we couldn't help thinking it was a bit more special. Long review with commercial downloads and super powers. (11/25/03)
	Petster, the Robot Cat! One of the 80s' finer interactive/robot toys, Petster is a sadly forgotten relic of simpler times when a rolling cat could entertain the masses. Review, including bonus photo album! (12/19/03)
	The G.I. Joe Electric Train Set! Everyone who had it loved it, so why did so few people own a G.I. Joe train set? I can't answer that. All I can do is set it up, play with it, takes lots of pictures and make a giant frilled lizard attack the combined forces of Joe and Cobra. Review, with commercial download. (11/17/03)
	Maxx Steele Erector Set! Okay, I love this thing. The Maxx Steele Erector Set lets you create your very own, halfway functional robot pal. If you've only got half the parts, you've got a clear reason to buy a pineapple. Enjoy. (11/13/03)
	Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, 1984! The mother of all articles: a thirteen-page study of the 1984 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. If you want a trip down memory lane, here's the friggin' Perillo tour. Boatloads of pics and videos throughout, plus two pages worth of old commercial downloads! (11/10/03)
	Really, Really Old Fettuccine! What do you do with a fifteen-year-old can of Chef Boyardee Fettuccine? These are questions meant for powers higher than I, so instead, let's let some toys play with it. Thank goodness for ancient Boyardee. (11/05/03)
	Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving Feast! Doing this site for so long has enabled me to achieve many assorted dreams. This article is a good example. Finally, after all of these years, I finally got to recreate Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving feast. Pictorial essay featuring lots of popcorn, jelly beans and buttered toast. (11/04/03)
	X-Entertainment's Halloween Countdown! X-E celebrated Halloween 2003 with over 40 mini-articles covering all of this year's strangest and spookiest candy and toys. Everything from Peeps "Cocoa Bats" to the "Bottle of Blood." Quench your bloodlust with a boatload of creepy content! (October, 2003)
	The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! As if you couldn't tell from the length of this article or the effort that went into it, this movie really got me. The original "Texas Chain Saw Massacre" might not be a great movie conventionally, but it worked in spades as far as I'm concerned. Immense review with loads of info and pics, enjoy! (11/02/03)
	The Ultimate Halloween House! What better way to celebrate Halloween than by visiting the most gaudy, horrendously decorated house in New York? I loved this place. A front lawn with ten dozen poorly constructed mannequins that struck a vague resemblance to Freddy Krueger, Pinhead and Dracula. Awesome. (10/31/03)
	Tales From The Darkside: The Movie! I don't consider this one of my better movie reviews, but I'm still glad to have given a tribute to the underappreciated gem that was "Tales from the Darkside: The Movie." Where else are you going to see Julianne Moore murdered by a mummy? Where else are you gonna see Buster Poindexter choke on a kitty cat? Hot hot meow. (10/23/03)
	McDonald's Halloween Collection! McDonald's always souped up their Happy Meals for the holidays, but the Halloween versions ruled the roost. Here's a celebration of All Things Spooky ever given away from the fast food chain, featuring my 72nd most favorite thing in the world, the "McBoo" pails. (10/23/03)
	Saturday Morning Preview Special, 1983! In 1983, Dick Clark hosted an ABC special detailing all of the cartoons upcoming on their new Saturday morning lineup. Special guests for this universal anomaly included Webster, Scooby Doo, and a completely apathetic studio audience. You'll love it. They play with a Rubik's Cube! (10/17/03)
	A Super Mario Bros. Halloween! The infamous "Super Mario Bros. Super Show" had a few Halloween-themed episodes. Here's the review. Guests ranged from Dracula to Ernie Hudson. That's right -- Winston Zeddmore and Cap'n Lou Albano, together at last. Bonus feature: 90s commercials! (10/10/03)
	Monster In My Pocket! Hey, somebody had to do it. "Monster in my Pocket" was most famous for its collection of tiny, monstrous rubber toys that were incredibly easy to land five-finger discounts on. They also had a Nintendo game, and as reviewed in this article, a short-lived cartoon with Jamaican werewolves. (10/09/03)
	The Shrunken Head Apple Project! One of my favorite articles on the site, believe it or not. In the 70s, Vincent Price sold kits that let children turn ordinary apples into hideous shrunken heads. Amazingly enough, you can do the same thing without Vincent Price or his kit. Learn how... (10/03/03)
	Movie Review: My Demon Lover! Oh boy. Scott Valentine (Mallory's boyfriend from "Family Ties") starts as a schmuck who turns into Satan whenever he gets horny. How's that sound? Long movie review featuring a completely inappropriate snapshot of Scott Valentine's pubes. How's that for whetting your appetite? (10/01/03)
	Krang Goes Babysitting! Every once in a while, I've gotta write a crowd pleaser. In this one, Krang is charged with babysitting half of the Marvel Comics Universe. Elektra has cancer, Spider-Man has many bruises, and their parents just aren't too happy about it. (9/30/03)
	Atari's Texas Chainsaw Massacre Game Yes, there was a game based on "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" for the Atari 2600. It sucked. Bask in the glory of an ugly Leatherface chasing around vaguely defined teens with a metal detector while avoiding cow skulls and tumbleweeds. Ugh. Puts the horror in horrorible ha ha ha. (9/29/03)
	Halloween Is Grinch Night! "Halloween is Grinch Night" starred you-know-who, and no, he retained none of that Christmas charisma. Harmless but terminally uninteresting cartoon special featuring bad songs, bad animation, and a bad way to spend thirty minutes. For Grinch completists only, if any exist. (9/23/03)
	Super Madballs Toy Tribute! So marks X-E's 60,000th tribute to AmToy's "Madballs," the foamy sportsballs with ferocious faces. "Super Madballs" were the best of the lot, including such luminaries as "Touchdown Terror" and "Goal Eater." If you've got no idea what I'm talking about, just read the damn article. Includes commercial download. (9/09/03)
	Gremlins 'Water Hatchers' Toys! I love Gremlins more than my own family, so I hopped at the chance to grow tiny "Stripe" and "Gizmo" figurines to sizes 600 times larger than before just by dropping 'em in water. It was a lot more fun than it sounds, and they came in this neat Gremlins egg chamber! Yeah! (9/16/03)
	My Best Friend Is A Vampire! A movie about a typical 80s kid who gets transformed into a vampire and survives by drinking pig's blood. We know it's pig's blood because the label on bottle says so. A perfectly watchable movie, even if it's goofy as all fuck. (9/11/03)