Leafy Sea Dragon

Take a look at the absolute pinnacle of natural evolution - the leafy sea dragon. I'd imagine God creating this one after some of his celestial colleagues commented that he was losing his 'creative edge.' No offense to those with oodles of faith and collections of pink plastic rosaries, but I'm more of a believer in the evolutionary process than anything else, and I can't imagine how those who aren't would explain this particular creature. I first saw it a few months back in the special seahorse exhibit in the aquarium over at Coney Island, and I don't know if it was because of the weird semi-epic background music they had playing in the room, but the thing just seems magical. A relative of the far more common and, somehow, far more durable sea horse, the leafy sea dragon moves around in the water the same way freeze dried fries float around a shuttle in space devoid of gravity's natural pull. It's body is made up of several leaf-like appendages, offering the animal it's only defense against predators. Slow moving and incredibly fragile, it tricks potential enemies by becoming almost invisible within it's natural surroundings.

Though small in stature, (a mere 45 centimeters or so) no creature on the planet has ever bore such an incredible resemblance to the dragons of fairy tales and Nintendo games, hence the name. For an animal so shrouded in mystery and intrigue, we do know that the sea dragon firmly believes in sex equality - not completely unlike the sea horse, it's the male who gets pregnant and gives birth. It's likely that the leaf camouflage is used by the males to inhibit all the other fish from calling them 'sissies'. Either that or they're incredible sea pranksters who like to sneak up on mysid shrimp and yell 'Ooga Booga!!'. Actually, they do sneak up on mysid shrimp, but it's not because they liken themselves to modern-day Chaplin dragons - it's because they enjoy eating the shrimp. (their long-snout mouths are pretty tiny, so 'sea lice' are among some of the only things out there the dragons could swallow without choking like someone who tried eating blanched radish)

The male gives birth to several miniature versions of himself after a lengthy process where the female lays hundreds of eggs on his tail and lies about having an out-of-town meeting before disappearing for months. Once the baby dragons are hatched, they receive no help from their parents whatsoever and are left to fend for themselves. You'd think the daddy would at least bestow the ancient tip about wooden nickels to his sons, but I guess all these guys are too busy having twenty minute conversations with other members of their species before realizing they'd only been talking to a piece of coral the entire time.



Because of their undeniable beauty and grace, leafy sea dragons are incredibly sought-after aquarium pets. Unfortunately for us, (though very fortunate for the vulnerable dragons) they're illegal to catch and own practically everywhere. Truth is, unless you've got thousands of dollars to spare to make the sea dragon's pseudohome perfect for it's needs, it'd likely die in captivity. They're really sensitive to any types of change in water pressure and temperature - something that explains why so many end up washed up on beaches. No, you're not seeing these guys dead on the shoreline because they just 'had to try that new lemon Pepsi' - sea dragons work in only one type of environment, and if that's changed, they're as good as dead. Pleasant, right?

This hasn't kept some people from catching and selling the little guys, who fetch large amounts of cash to those who want them. For this reason, they're heavily protected by law and you're probably gonna have better luck finding a jackalope in a pet store than one of these. It's a totally protected species. Another reason for their high mortality rate is because they so often hide in patches of seaweed, where they're practically invisible. When the seaweed gets caught in a current and ends up on the shore, so do the dragons that seek refuge. Poor little guys can't catch a break.

To those who can't quite grasp the concept of the sea dragon, I offer to you a comparison to someone readers of X-E would be far more familiar with.



Moss Man, one of He-Man's Eternian friends and all-around killer conversationalist, shares the leafy sea dragon's credo and often likes to immerse himself in grass to hide from his enemies and surprise his victims. It's tough to tell which camouflage creature is best - while Moss Man has the powers of Greyskull and opposable thumbs on his side, the sea dragon at least realizes that wearing bold brown underwear would render it's hiding ability useless. Plus, while it's true that Moss Man one-ups his camo colleague by being able to talk, I'm not so sure that's something to put in the pro list, because once he introduces himself as 'He-Man's heroic friend Moss Man,' I'm pretty sure it's gonna be everyone else doing the hiding. Actually, I guess Buzz-Off would befriend him despite the verbal faux pas, simply because nobody else would hang out with a giant wasp and beggars can't bee choosers, r d r r!

Having seen a live specimen up close, I can tell you that there's really nothing like it. The creatures seem absolutely unaware of the world around them, their methodical, almost-plodding but certainly purposeful movement will have your 'how did we all get here?' curiosity at an all-time peak. Evolution takes a long time - thousands of years. The leafy sea dragon's humble beginnings must date back further than any of us would care to calculate. I'm talking about one of those time eras that have syllables like 'mesa' or 'assic' or some other weird letter combo going on. Few sea dragons live past their first birthdays - hell, most don't even make it past their first week. But obviously, their evolutionary lineage goes back a lot further than ours. Unless of course there really are sea monkeys. These guys, in some form, have been around for a long time.

Fast Facts:
* Life span of roughly eight years - enough time to watch that episode of The Brady Bunch where the kids disown Cousin Oliver 140,160 times.
* Main predators - humans, baby anemones, fish, time-traveling catbots who snorkel
* Eyes move independently of each other, like some true iguanas. Basically means that the sea dragon can watch a stripper and read Vonnegut simultaneously
* Has no teeth, so the long mouth acts like a vacuum to suck up food.
* Sea dragons from different depths of water look different to match the sea foliage found at those specific depths.
* Scrambling up all the letters of 'Leafy Sea Dragon' allows us to spell out 'Alf dear, say Egon!'



Sea dragons are just incredible. They're also closely related to weedy sea dragons, pictured below. Weedy dragons share the same general attributes of their cousins, though are far more common because their bodies are more durable and they have an easier time moving around underwater. They also beat leafy dragons regularly in Scooby-Doo lookalike contests.



- Matt