Believe it or not, the robot pictured above is Megatron. I know, I know. You can't believe it. You refuse to believe it. You're Picard looking at four lights. But it's true! After Transformers finally ran out of steam completely, the franchise remained dormant for a short while before the braintrust at Hasbro dreamt up an ingenious plan to cash in on the line even further: Generation 2!
Hardly a generation and more of an 'extension,' G2 was nothing to write home about. Basically, they snatched up some of the more popular figures which had already been sold to zillions of people, repainted them, repackaged them, and sold 'em again. It was an interesting approach, but most kids who owned a Grimlock figure didn't feel the need to get another Grimlock figure painted indigo blue. They did this with a number of the figures - updating them, but only with small revamps so the production costs stayed low. Example: Optimus Prime...
It's essentially the same figure. Same mold, same everything. The only differences were that the parts were made of cheaper plastic across the board, and the colors were enhanced to what someone high up on the Hasbro chain considered 'cool.' They included some new weapons and an electronic voice box, but everyone already had an Optimus so there wasn't much point in spending 50 bucks just to have a sticker with his name on it running across a wrong-colored trailer.
There were a few new toys created, but boy did they suck. Don't get me wrong, some were fantastic, but most of the new figures were tiny clumps of poor material shaped like jets with lightning bolt stripes all over them. Transformers was a strong brand name, but not strong enough to persuade kids into buying excessively crappy toys. G2 was off to a rocky start.
Could it be saved with a new television show? Maybe, but we didn't get one. I guess there wasn't enough faith in a line that had already existed for several years and all but run out of popularity to create an entire new cartoon based on it. It works now because it's been a long time - G2 came out almost immediately after people stopped buying the first Transformers. So no, we weren't getting a new show. We did get a revamped version of the old show, and they managed to fuck that up a bit, too.
If you've never heard of the 'Cybernetic Space Cube,' consider yourself lucky. Lucky as in fortunate, not Lucky as in the cereal leprechaun. The Space Cube was one of the first CGI-enhanced computer graphics bullshit to hit the world of kiddie cartoons, and wow, was it terrible. They just reran the old shows, but with an added metal frame around the screen that moved around a lot and made tons of stupid techno noises. It was like trying to watch television through Honda's assembly line, and every time something good was about to happen, the damn screen would flip around in a thousand directions. Here, I've created an example. On the left is how it would normally appear - on the right? Space-cube enchanted G2 crap:
Now which would you prefer? The only way the Space Cube could be considered an improvement is if you were watching one of those Julia Duffy episodes of Designing Women and had no desire to see or hear the screen anyway. But on shows we actually liked? Definitely a big gross pock mark. You're a pock mark, Cybernetic Space Cube. I'm glad you're dead.
As far as I'm concerned, there was only one clear-cut true positive about G2 - the new Megatron figure. This thing was huge, well-made, and though completely different from the original, still retained that ol' Megsy charm. There were several reasons why they couldn't just reissue the original Megatron. For starters, any toys that looked like real guns had become frowned upon. Hasbro didn't want any kids getting shot by confused cops. Megatron's original figure looked more like a gun than some real guns did. This actually still holds true today - go to any toy store, you won't find any toys shaped like rifles anymore. The only way children of this generation can play Cowboys & Indians is if they pretend that cowboys armed themselves with ping-pong paddles.
God I wish that were true.
Secondly, the original Megatron figure hadn't been produced in years - not since Transformers first arrived on television. And while it looks nice sitting on a shelf, it wasn't too terrific for kids to play with. It was terribly hard to transform, and not too terribly hard to break into several pieces. If Megatron was going to return for G2, they needed a new one. Since they couldn't bring the gun back, what would he turn into? A cannon? A rhino? An electronic palm tree that spits coconut bombs? No silly, a tank!
MEGATRON IS NOT A TANK.
Why not? A Megatron that turns into a tank has a few advantages over a Megatron that turns into a gun. For starters, every Autobot and Decepticon has zillions of guns built into their arms and legs already, and they're typically much bigger than a tiny pistol.
Plus, it just sounds more menacing. Say Megatron had to phone in a death threat to some Autobot who's never heard of him. Say the Autobot in question asked Megatron: 'oh yeah, well what do YOU turn into?!' after explaining that he himself transforms into a fucking giant robot tiger or something. If Megatron says 'a gun' - that's a pretty sad death threat. But if he tells the Autobot that he turns into this massive green tank with battle sounds, he's won half the battle.
The head looks Megatronish enough, so nobody will be confused thinking that the leader of the Decepticons shouldn't look like part of the U.S. army. The figure was big - very big - and as an added coup, had electronic sounds. The tank turret made strange 'boom' noises, while Megatron himself offered up more conventional gems of wisdom that sounded enough like Frank Welker to keep fans satisfied:
"Megatron Attack!" Wait...Megatron Attack? You'd think Cybertronians would be above referring to themselves in the third person, but Megs always marched to a beat of a different drumbot.
G2 didn't do well in stores - you could even find these guys a few years ago on clearance racks, because so many were made and so few actually sold. In many cases it was justified, but this Tankatron deserved better. Fortunately, the surplus lent itself to a much cheaper collectible, and you can find this one for a relatively inexpensive price on eBay or wherever else you waste money on old toys. If you consider that the original Megatron can cost ten times as much as this predecessor, it's quite a deal. Often overlooked because of the ugly, non-mechanical color scheme, Megatron The Tank is one of the better buys in the world of Transformers junk.
You can buy the figure, unboxed, for around twenty-five bucks. For comparative shopping, the original Megatron unboxed and complete would go for three or four times that. For further comparative shopping, twenty-five bucks would buy you 500 Atomic Fireball candies. I'm just giving you some options.
Prime better be cautious. It was hard enough dealing with Megatron before - but now that he's a 50' tank? Real trouble.
Prime:You again?! I thought you were a gun! Megatron: Earth isn't good for much, but they've got great cosmetic surgeons. Prime: You seem taller somehow. Megatron: The delicious benefits of platform treads, you cretin. Prime: I can still kick your ass. Megatron: I beg to differ, Prime! My ass has guns coming out of it now. Prime: Oh? Hmmm...so it does. Why don't we call this one a draw? Megatron: You'd be so lucky. Prepare to meet your doom. Prime: Hey look, there's a giant talking squirrel behind you and it's handing out free energon cubes! Megatron: I'm not falling for that one again, Prime. Prime: Worth a shot.
This Megatron was invincible.
Prime: You know how you're not supposed to hit a guy with glasses? Megatron: Yes. Prime: Well, you're not supposed to shoot a guy who's eyes are made of glass either. Megatron: Fool! It's not the same thing. Prime: Yes it is! Ask the giant talking squirrel behind you. Megatron: Fine, I will! Hey Squirr---wait, wait, PRIME, get back here!
But he was still Megatron.
Megatron: Curses. Starscream: You let him get away again? Megatron: It wasn't my fault. Starscream: The old 'talking squirrel' ploy? Megatron: My one weakness.
