X-Entertainment.Com - By Matt - 11/30/'02

Our team of heroes today consists of Spider-Man, Captain America, Iron Man, and Wolverine. That's a pretty eclectic group. Of the four, I find Cap the most boring. He didn't get his powers in any exciting way, like being bit by a radioactive spider or having a group of people kidnap him and replace his bones with an ultra-rare and indestructible alloy. All Captain America did was drink some serum. Big deal, anyone could've done that. You might say that anyone could wear a cool suit like Iron Man too, but it's not nice to make fun of people who have cancer.

They're all trapped in the Tower of Doom. I'm not sure what the Tower of Doom is, but it doesn't sound like the kind of place one would want to become trapped in. It's certainly no shopping mall or candy shop or anything like that. Hey, where did everyone get those shields?

Do you think Spidey's 'spider sense' acts up if the oncoming annoyance is only minor? Like, what if he's about to get bit by a mosquito, or what if an Avril Lavigne song is about to come on the radio? Does the spider sense still make all those loud gong noises inside his head? Wouldn't that get annoying? I know I'd be driven to madness if my brain starting smacking wind chimes around every time a telemarketer was about to call.

Spidey was right - danger did lurk around the corner after all, in the form of four of the Marvel Universe's greatest villains. You've got Doctor Doom, Doctor Octopus, Magneto, and the illustrious Kang. I guess Kang was their version of Shemp. I don't know a thing about the guy, but admittedly, he's got pretty interesting leggings. Notice that the villains all have decisively more-evil square shields. They're pointy and they poke eyes out. Beware.

Captain America, ever the diplomat, offers his hand in friendship towards the villains. He rationalizes that they're all prisoners in this strange dimension and would be better off working together. Well, in so many words at least. The book would be pretty boring if the villains agreed to a temporary treaty and everyone sat around trading first kiss stories, so chances are good that Mr. Doom and friends will respectfully decline Cap's offer and start hitting the heroes with gigantic boulders.

I hate this book. If someone asks me what I did this Friday night, I'll have to tell them that 'I licked Captain America's hand.' Even if I explain what I really meant by it, I'll still look like a complete loser. I hate this book.


- Matt
E-mail me!
Instant Messager: xecharchar