Roboto
He-Man had a special friend, and his name was Roboto.
The Snake Men
Rattlor, King Hiss, and other serpentine villains from beyond torment Eternia by hissing loudly.
The Fright Zone
Learn all about Hordak's famous summer home. It had a puppet!
Comet Warriors
Stonedar and Rokkon are more than just heroes. They're heroes that transform into rocks.
We've met many of He-Man's friends over the our years together, but perhaps none quite as odd as his blue-faced compatriot, Sy-Klone. I know that's hard to believe, what with the amount of people in Eternia dressed like bees and elephants, but this guy just had too many strange attributes to overlook. The blue skin color was likely the result of a bunch of frat boys locking Sy-Klone in a freezer for dressing so poorly, and one can only assume that lemon yellow leggings are a social status symbol in Eternia along the same lines as cockroach broaches in ancient Egyptian culture. No matter how you shake things down, Sy-Klone still sucks.
This guy's gimmick was interesting - he was supposed to be some kind of 'living tornado,' aided by the powers of being able to summon huge windstorms. It would've been a little more impressive if everyone else in Eternia wasn't able to do that anyway. I don't think there's been a single episode of the show where He-Man didn't blow his magic breath to form a tornado, probably just to spite Sy-Klone and expose how worthless he was to the Powers of Good. I don't believe Sy ever appeared on the cartoon, as it'd be pretty tough to pen a script that called for Skeletor to be defeated by a guy who spins in circles really fast.
In an effort to understand the enigma that is Heroic Sy-Klone better, I'm going to review every last bit of available information on the guy. First we'll take a look at his toy commercial, to explore his weaponry and see how he fares in battle with the action figures who aren't able to twist their torso around in 180 degree angles to check if they're having 'good ass' days. After that, a special surprise. We'll be reviewing the mini-comic Sy-Klone came with, page by page, oversight by oversight. This project will be a vast undertaking for yours truly, and I'm not entirely certain that devoting a day of my life to Sy will prove intelligent in the long run. To ensure that I deliver the goods without losing interest and running off, I've handcuffed myself to the computer desk and swallowed the key. The way I figure it, by the time I shit the key out, I should be done with this article. Let's hope.
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Skeletor's out on the prowl again. Now, although I usually don't prefer to cover the new Masters of the Universe cartoon, I caught some of the episodes recently and noticed that Skeletor's changed quite a bit. If you've only seen the new show, you've got a pretty distorted view on what the real Skeletor's like. See, the updated version portrays him as someone who can actually get the job done. He seems like the type who could easily instill a sense of fear in anyone, and I'm not just talking about the fact that he's got no skin on his face. In reality, Vintage Skeletor was just a goofball - a guy masquerading as a villain because he was too ugly to be a hero, and didn't have any giant fists or extending metal necks to get noticed by Eternia's higher-ups. He-Man was more likely to be defeated by his own foot ulcers than Skeletor, so if you think differently because of the new show, do some past research.
Flanked by a healthy dose of his minions, Skel has once again arrived at the gates of Grayskull. Obsessed with infiltrating the castle and unearthing its many mystical secrets, Skeletor is willing to risk everything for safe passage into the Sorceress' underwear drawer. Though He-Man would normally take on such threats by himself, Skelly's brought a lot of hired help with him this time. He-Man needs some assistance. Actually, you know what he really needs? A blue guy who with a submarine radar coming out of his chest. Looks like it's his lucky day!
As legend has it, Mattel originally wanted to name our new friend 'Tornado,' but test marketing showed that kids weren't interested in any Eternian heroes who didn't have hyphens in their names. Since they used the same mold to create many of the figures, Sy-Klone ended up looking more like He-Man at a drag show than someone completely new and different. He did have one unique and special quality going for him, though...
You might be asking yourself what Sy-Klone's doing way up there on the tower. There's no good way down; every kid lost the toy ladder that came with the Castle Grayskull playset within minutes of opening the box. He-Man might be able to survive a fall like that, but Sy is more svelte and waferlike. So, how is he supposed to help He-Man while trapped all the way up there? What's he gonna do, shout words of encouragement? 'THUNDER-PUNCH HIS NUTS, HE-MAN!' Now I'm not denying it. It would be pretty fun to watch He-Man battle Skeletor's troops while some oversized Smurf up in the rafters cheers him on. Still, on this day, He-Man needs real manpower. Sy-Klone, how are you gonna get down from there?! He-Man needs you!
Wait, wait...what's this? Sy-Klone...is he flying?! No folks, he's not flying. Actually, I'm not entirely sure what he's doing, and I think a manual on disco dancing or epileptic fits might define his behavior better than I can. Sy-Klone's action figure was constructed with a waist that could twist all the way around, and if you pressed a mechanism on his back, he would spin in circles with his arms flailing, completing his intense emulation of a tornado. Admittedly, Sy-Klone comes off looking more like the only Eternian hero that throws temper tantrums than a 'living tornado,' but at least it gives him the power to soar through the air and down to the battle. Now that He-Man has some help, maybe Skeletor won't be taking over Grayskull after all.
Christ. When all of the good guys have their little get-togethers, how much do you wanna bet that it's just a three-hour spread of people saying "...that's nice, but can you do this?" Picture the conversations...
Man-E-Faces: Hey Sy-Klone, look! I have three different heads!
Sy-Klone: Decent, but look at what I can do.
Man-E-Faces: What's so great about spinning around in circles?
Sy-Klone: Dude, it's Easy Bulimia. I never have to stick fingers down my throat. I just spin until I throw up all over the castle.
Fisto: Speaking of fingers, look at what I have.
Man-E-Faces: A giant fist? That's even worse than Sy-Klone's power.
Fisto: No it isn't. I never have to use the crab mallets at Roy's Bistro.
Beast Man watches Sy-Klone do his thing with a mixture of bewilderment and amusement. Is this the best Eternia has to offer? A guy who spins right round baby right round? The villains rarely have reason to believe that victory is imminent, but even the most pessimistic bad guys would have trouble doubting themselves this time around. Snake Mountain's entire legion of baddies is ready to take down Grayskull, and the only guy willing to help He-Man out is Sy-Klone?
Still, maybe Beast Man's laughing a little too soon. Sy-Klone is funny looking and seems to lack any remotely pertinent abilities, but if there's one thing you should never do, it's giggle at someone with an inferiority complex. Those kind of people are always just one step away from snapping. Our twirly-whirly friend usually plays it low-key, but he hates being mocked. Especially by big orange goofs who dispose of their bodily wastes by eating them. You've really gotta pity the poor souls who skim through these articles blindly looking for cursewords and sex references. They just missed out on the suggestion that Beast Man eats his own damn fuckin' ass shit.
Sy-Klone, armed only with his penchant for ballet, steps in front of the squad of villains. Surprisingly, he insists that He-Man allow him to handle the situation himself. I'd say that Sy is biting off more than he can chew, but the reality here is that there's only one kid puppeteering the whole army of bad guys. Kids only have two hands, so the rest of Snake Mountain's mightiest are stuck on the bench. The real question is - can Sy-Klone even handle two of 'em at a time? What, you don't think so? Haven't you heard Sy-Klone's motto?
TO SPIN IS TO WIN!
It's a good thing Mattel went ahead with the name change I mentioned earlier. Otherwise, Sy's motto could've been something like 'BEING A TORNADO IS OH-SO-GREAT-O!" It still rhymes, but 'to spin is to win' sounds so much more poetic. Plus, it gets me thinking about that big wheel from The Price Is Right, and that's always something to appreciate.
Indeed, making fun of Sy's shortcomings was a critical mistake, as he uses his twirling fists to annihilate every last one of Skeletor's minions. The battle is won, Grayskull is saved, and who does Eternia have to thank? Well, I guess Beast Man if you want to get really technical. Let's face it, Sy-Klone would've never gone on such a rampage if his pride wasn't at stake. Hooray for Beast Man, with a smaller sidebar hooray going to Sy-Klone. No hoorays for He-Man, who did absolutely nothing in today's little war aside from looking disinterested. I'd also like to extend an unrelated hooray to MOTU character 'Scare Glow,' who was supposed to represent Skeletor's ghost. Why does he get a hooray? I just like the idea that Skeletor's head gains the ability to glow in the dark after he's dead.
Sy-Klone had some interesting features, but he wasn't one of the line's more popular entries. I think kids were turned off by the fact that Sy looked like a fruit punch mascot. He didn't come with any great accessories, either. No swords or guns - just a yellow shield. Surely a spiked club would've boosted sales. The 'spinning' mechanism was kinda cool, but ultimately made Sy one of the loosest He-Man figures around. If you'll remember, the toys seemed to lose their ability to stand after you played with them long enough and their leg joints loosened. Since Sy-Klone's torso was heavier than usual, his legs became especially weak and useless. What good is a guy who can't turn into a tornado while standing up? Tornado-making from a seated position sorta defeats the purpose. I'm not sure why. It just does.
I know you can't tell from the pictures used in this article, but the premise of Sy's commercial was this: Skeletor unleashes an 'evil fog' to defeat He-Man, so Sy blows it away with his whirlwind powers. He even gets his own little theme song! Shit, I don't remember any of the other heroes getting a song. Maybe there was some inherent greatness to Sy that I'm just not seeing. Click on the above picture to watch the commercial and decide for yourselves.
We're not finished yet! While I'm not about to list Sy-Klone as one of my role models, I have to admit, he's piqued my curiosity. And what better way to learn more about a Masters of the Universe character than by reading their official mini-comic? All of the figures came packaged with their own little illustrated story, and as you could probably guess, these things gave humor a new name. In a cost-cutting measure, Mattel decided that ol' Sy would have to share the spotlight with another new character, the villainous Spikor. I can't imagine the wealth of knowledge about to be unleashed by the comic's fourteen pages of terror, but put your fears and misgivings aside as we review Sy's origin tale. Page by page, panel by panel, word by word, blue skin by chest radar. It'll be a time. Follow the link below...
I can safely say that I've quenched any lingering desires I've had over the years to write about Sy-Klone. In fact, if I ever hear his name again, I'm going to conjure up a spell that makes Superman both a real person and my personal slave, so I can order him to fly around the world really fast again, turning the hands of time back just far enough for me to seek out and kill whomever came up with the idea to create Sy-Klone. And that's a promise.
Remember that Nike Transformers contest we were promoting a few weeks ago? Well, several X-E readers took home a prize. See, not all contests are fake and nasty. UGO's running another one, this time giving away a brand new Sony Watchman every day in February. It's free to enter, and you won't get spammed by doing so. Click heah yo to throw your name in the hat!
