Written/Created by: Matt
Posted on 5.05.03.

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me hulk, me smash. me have new movie coming out. me insisted it be self-titled. me am iconic and with gamma. me real name is bruce, like the electronic shark from 'jaws' only with a last name that reminds people of triangular flags supporting local sports teams. me hulk, and me here. me here to tell you about all the new stuff. stuff from me movie. movie 'the hulk.' me summer blockbuster.


me peeps did mass produce many a fine hulk item. we team up with sever eel of the most elite and angry food and foodstuff franchises this side of kree. kree the planet, not kree the girl from 'a different world.' that not a kree, that's a cree. a cree summer. speaking of summer, don't forget me summer blockbuster. movie 'the hulk.'

me movie stars eric bana as me. eric bana big upcoming star. eric bana played 'hoot' in black hawk down. eric bana me amigo. anyway, me here to tell you about hulk merchandise, all new kinds of it. i am very everywhere and green. i mean me am everywhere and green. wait, me mean me am everywhere and green. hulk angry.

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first, me tell you about candy. your favorite candy. candy like reese's pieces, snickers, and even hershey bars. hershey bars good for soul like yoga and brain food. larger bags of candy are now bamboozled with likeness of me the hulk, and come with twenty percent more candy than usual. hulk appetite big and mighty. you luck out. thank hulk later. smaller sizes give you chance to win hulk brand shirts. collectoring item. collectoring item from new movie 'the hulk.' starring eric bana as me the hulk.


'the hulk sour gummies' bring you me in tiny size, made of sweet gummi. gummi come in green and red colors. i cannot explain the red hulks. 'the hulk sour gummies' are very sour. just like name says. me never false advertise. but me taste like shit as a sour gummi candy. me think you not buy 'the hulk sour gummies' until you need to punish yourself for something terrible and terrible. the lemons surrounding me head symbolize sour. hulk not red.


me am a cereal too, but only for limited times. hulk cannot compete against leprechauns and grainy roosters forever, just for now. hulk tank not refillable. the cereal is put out by post. post pay me zillions. post pay eric bana nothing. hulk is pleased.


cereal is very odd. there are puffs of something like 'corn pops,' only more messy and careless and hulk. there are also marshmallows. many many marshmallows, and one of them is even green and looks like me. me marshmallow army teams up with 'corn pops' and the taste is not red. very good just close your eyes first. cereal is heaven. heaven where quasar is. quasar not the hulk.


i have more, much more. hulk everywhere and hulk everything. hulk is strong. hulk have something that looks like pez but is not pez because pez does not shoot out 'smarties.' also, hulk is a silly putty!


hulk putty much like regular putty, only you get more of it. it also comes in egg with my head stamped on it. hulk eggs do not hatch. you can pretend. me only pretending to eat putty. hulk does not really eat putty. only meat. meat and 'the hulk' cereal.


putty comes with book you can use to make putty look like a book. hulk has trouble with these sentences. me need not shoes. putty is a lot of fun and a lot of inexpensive. would be a good stocking stuffer is christmas was now. but christmas is not now so we have to pretend that too on top of pretending that the hulk eggs hatch. hulk needs to make a list. hulk cannot write.

hulk angry. when hulk angry, hulk thirsty.


and when me thirsty, me want milk. it is good for bones and my bones are much bigger than yours. and stronger. hulk wins. milk is good but the color is boring. me wish there was some way to make milk more interesting. hey me know!


hulk's hershey's syrup! it is green! like hulk! but the taste is just the same! hulk stay true to formula. honorable hulk. me milk needs some.


me wish piñatas had working hands. magical floating syrup saves the day.


mmmmm. green! the normal straw went so crazy it turned into a crazy straw. hulk's hershey's syrup is maddeningly good. me should tell you this is also only here for a limited time. limited time mean you buy early and often. hulk need you to comply.

green milk is fun to drink because you feel like you are drinking potion. i like to imagine green potion transform me into red hulk. then, gummis make sense!


green hulk syrup goes well on ice cream too. look like bird shit. taste like fun. it will screw with your head. hulk likes that.


i hope you have enjoyed today's journey into a world where everything is hulk. i turn your aisles greener each moment. by the time me movie comes out, your skin too will be lime. lime like green on hulk's shoulders. oh and by the way and wait one second. we have made a mess here today. there is milk and ice cream and candy. and cereal. smarties and putty. and different straws. we should clean up! hmmm. where do we start? what we need to clean up? hulk remember!


win chance to win ticket to movie 'the hulk' when you buy trash bags from glad. you will be glad you did it. superhero comedy. these bags for tall kitchens only. hulk never pander to midgets. hulk still green.

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