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Despite having arrived in 1990, most people consider “Monster In My Pocket” one of the last great 80s toylines -- I guess things just sound cooler when they're older. Wrongly defined or not, the collection was well worth our attention. Like “M.U.S.C.L.E.” and “Battle Beasts,” the toys catered to kids who preferred having a lot of little things as opposed to one big thing. That was one of my youthful mottos, and at the tail end of my toy-buying age appropriateness, I picked up as many MIMPs as possible. Actually, my earliest memory of shoplifting is of lifting a few of the rubber monsters from our local Toys R’ Us, but in the decade-plus of blowing paychecks there since, I think I’ve paid off the debt.
For those unfamiliar, “Monster In My Pocket” consisted of dozens upon dozens of small monster figurines, arriving in different shades of neon rubber. Neon rubber, folks. To separate the line from other, like-minded collections, each figure had a “point value” etched onto its body. Some were only worth a mere 5 points, others a more weighty 25, and a select few even higher than that. With this gimmick, the rarer figures seemed all the more special. Not only were they a tough find, but they had enough points to evenly battle against five of the shittier figures. Kids took the bait, and while MIMP wasn’t one of the “big ones,” they’re way more regarded than any action figures based on a Sly Stallone movie. It’s like the Kay Bee acid test, just without acid. I think. Or, as the philosophers say, “I know.”
I’ve already written up a tribute to these beasts in an X-E article of yesteryear, but I recently stumbled across something that warrants another look at the series. Little did I know…”Monster In My Pocket” actually had a cartoon show!
The video is from 1992, and as it’s more of an origin story than the kickoff to an extended series, I don’t believe the show ever aired on television. To create a better shot at sparking sales, Kidmark Video made the smart move of including a glow-in-the-dark MIMP figure, free, rubber band-tied to each video box. If that’s not impressive enough for you, consider this: the free monster figures included with the videos were each worth 100 points. You could kick all kinds of ass in your toy wars with these guys. At least 40 kinds of ass, maybe 45. Best of all, the figure represents an actual character from the cartoon, so it’s not like you’re stuck with some vague, unknown creature who’s worth a lot of points but nothing for you on a personal level -- after watching the show, kids felt an unbreakable bond with that free figure; one that couldn’t be broken by the powers of Satan and the sands of time combined. Isn’t that amazing?
Before we move onto the extensive review, some quick thoughts: I believe the cartoon would’ve had a chance to survive on network television, though only on Saturday mornings. (looks like it had a short run, actually) There wasn’t enough material for a daily deal. The characters were typical but defined well enough to become intrigued with, and as far as plots go, you’ll find none better than groups of tiny evil and heroic monsters who can only grow full-sized by hearing bloodcurdling screams or the laughter of young girls. And you thought Demoltion Man was offbeat? While the original retail price of these videos prohibited many from checking the show out during MIMP’s glory days, they’re terminally cheap now -- if you can find ‘em. They’re worth tracking down, but don’t make it a holy mission. I said the show was “good.” It’s not going to change your lives or anything. It’s just “good.” Here’s the review…
We only get to see a handful of the creatures, so for those dying to see an animated representation of the "ghost holding its head" figure, you're out of luck. Still, the characters we're afforded are enough to make the show feel rounded and packed, and they're certainly different enough from each other to make it feel like a monster fest. In the opening credits, we learn that the monsters were once of humanoid stature. The heroic members of the crew kept the evil ones locked away in a series of castle prison cells, and after the lead villain miscalculated a spell, all of the beasts were shrunk down and teleported to a city in California. If you're thinking it doesn't make sense, you may have a point, but I kinda like it that way.
After shrinking and getting tossed into the city, the teams split up according to their preference of doing bad things and doing good things. Shown up above are the heroes -- the leader is the "Invisible Man," who's sort of like a thinner Mr. Belvedere, just without a face. He's flanked by "Wolf-Mon," a Jamaican werewolf who enjoys wacky shirts; "Mummy," a slime-spitting beast who has three lines and does nothing of note; and "Big," a stereotypically idiotic cartoon version of Frankenstein's Monster. To say the least, this isn't the kind of team I'd rally behind. The villains were way cooler, but we'll get to them in a minute. First, the plot!
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Okay, so for whatever reason, the hero monsters end up in the care of a little girl named Carrie Raven. You've seen a version of Carrie ten thousand times before on other cartoons -- eager, inexperienced, happy-go-lucky...you know the deal. She seems to alternate between considering the monsters as friends and pets, sometimes respecting their private space, other times cuddling them as one would a pouty blind kitten. Fortunately, the size difference between Carrie and her monsters prohibit any unnecessary and creepy romance developments. I sorta thought she had something going with Wolf-Mon, though. A hunch. The Invisible Man immediately establishes some strife within the team -- he doesn't appreciate Carrie's constant meddling in their affairs, but the other monsters respect her for what she brings to the table: a much quicker method of transport than walking the comparative 500 miles to the other side of her living room.
Anyways, the group spends most of their time using Carrie's chemistry set to try to conjure up a way to get the monsters back to their normal size. They'll occasionally succeed, but our heroes will shrink back down just as soon as they grow. You might think they'd just give up, consigning themselves to the simple life led by little people. Sorry, no can do. It's not a matter of personal preference for the monsters -- they have to get big, because God knows, the villains are trying to beat them to the punch. Let's meet 'em, hooray hooray!
That's "Vampire," a Dracula clone with a ponytail, magic ring, and Al Molinaro's nose. More than adequate as the leader of a bunch of villainous monsters. His second-in-command, sort of, is "Medusa," a snake-haired vixen armed with perky tits and the ability to turn her adversaries temporarily into stone. Oh, that's one grating thing about the toon -- whenever the bad guys succeed in something, the effects last five seconds. It's like Tom and Jerry, only more annoying because you expect Dracula to leave more lasting scars. There's a third villain, too -- "Swamp Beast," a pile of muck who scuttles around aimlessly while commentating on his love for eating garbage. The producers obviously felt that Swamp Beast's trash-eating was hee-freakin-larious, as the creature does this every two or three minutes, each instance complete with a moment of reflection to keep the presumed number of wildly laughing children from missing anything important. For a show that runs almost thirty minutes, this gimmick will really get on your nerves. I would've destroyed the video if it wasn't the only light blue cassette in my entire collection. Aw, no I wouldn't have. I'm such a liar.
The villains sometimes grow to full-size as well, though unlike the heroes, they know what causes their spurts. While plotting their revenge at a drive-in featuring an old horror movie, the frightened scream of the actress onscreen sends them into an insane growing frenzy. The effects don't last forever, so they return to the drive-in whenever they get small again. This becomes important later, because as everyone knows, no theater shows the same movie forever. Except that one on 12th and 3rd, but that's just for Rocky Horror. Even Vampire and Medusa have their limits -- they draw the line at watching Barry Bostwick's balls protrude through a pair of tighty whities. And you thought you had nothing in common with villains from "Monster In My Pocket." Wait till you hear about how they love Chinese food!
Still, this was their first experience with growing full-sized again, so the bad guys have no idea that the effects are temporary. After gaining back their original stature, they have only one thing on their minds: destroying the hero monsters. Nope, not global domination or criminal empires. They just want to fuck around with the hero monsters. It's a small but appreciable goal, but they'll never be as championed as Cobra Commander if they don't start looking at the big picture. Their plan? Assault Carrie. Yes!
Vampire waltzes into Carrie's house after a short flight in his "bat form," bringing with him all the bravado made famous by cartoon villains who spend way too long detailing every nuance of their plot to their would-be victims. With that, Vampire and friends lose their size and scurry off before getting the chance to maim anyone. Blah.
They eventually manage to kidnap Carrie, and Vampire hypnotizes a vicious stray dog into keeping her captive while they're too tiny to do it themselves. The heroes catch wind of this, and on top of their fear of losing Carrie, they're also concerned that the villains know how to get bigger. Ugh, all this big/small small/big stuff. Too much of it. Forget what I said about "Monster In My Pocket" being well-suited for a Saturday morning show -- if kids had to sit through this same crap week after week, the ratings wouldn't even match up with those 3-AM infomercials starring glorious fitness celebrity, John Basedow. You know, the guy who superimposes his head on someone more muscular? It's the only explanation, don't try to deny it.
Without the size necessary to kill people, the villains head back to the drive-in. But the movie ain't playin' no mo! After some research, they find out that the reel is now located at the home of the very same screen vixen who screams them into full-size. They head off to her house (guess she's listed), and time hasn't been kind to the old broad...
Now senile and roughly three centuries old, the woman is too decrepit to notice that she's dealing with a bunch of three-inch monsters. Vampire tries to lure the fabled scream out of her, but she won't take the clue. Instead, they ask to see that ol' movie she starred in, and Old Woman Betsy is more than happy to oblige her "fans." Just before the scream scene zaps onto her projector, the hero monsters arrive to save the day...
It's the worst battle ever. During the course of the show, the monsters' minuscule size is emphasized by the lack of sounds their bodies make -- no footstep noises, nothing of the sort. It's the kind of thing that only becomes noticeable during the fight scenes, as the monsters struggle to look tough without making a peep. The inherently creaturesome ones, like Swamp Beast and Big, almost pull it off. With a faceless butler wearing white gloves and a wolfman who looks like a Pound Puppies doll dressed up for five-year-old's tea party, it plays out more like something to laugh at than to put bets on. On the bright side, we finally get to see Madras turn one of the heroes to stone, not to mention the Invisible Man's rather alarming battling method of grabbing Vampire's arm and shaking vigorously. This was only topped by an earlier scene where Vampire, to prove he can withstand any assumed "garlic" weakness, eats a bunch of it and gleefully spews out an orange cloud of garlic breath across Carrie's kitchen (click here to see the pic) I guess monsters who keep changing in size and who spend a lot of their time tucked away in flannel pockets tend to forget the right ways to go about menacing people. Eh, it could be worse.
In the end, the heroes triumph. Carrie manages to trick the hypnotized dog into taking her orders by dressing like Vampire, complete with lavender eyeshadow and makeshift Hefty bag cape. The villains run off and vow to fight another day, leaving the heroes in the unenviable position of owing their lives to a little girl who wants nothing more from life than to run around with monsters trapped inside her smelly shirt pocket. The Invisible Man apologizes for his earlier gripes, and agrees that Carrie and the monsters make a great team. For reasons unbeknownst to all but the insane, Carrie finds all of this extremely funny. As she laughs her soul away in a disturbing display, something magical happens. The heroes! They're...they're growing!
And so, we finally learn the secret ingredient of the hero monsters' growth formula. Carrie's god damned laugh. Now she's more integral to their success than ever, and don't think she doesn't know it. Immediately following this grand realization, Carrie's attitude switches from placating to dominant -- she always liked to hug those little monsters, but now she does it without asking first. The collective good guys groan, feigning amusement, but you can sooo tell that they're gonna eat the girl the second they figure out how to stay big. The End.
After a bit of research (a real little bit..I wasn't that interested), I've learned that this wasn't the only "Monster In My Pocket" cartoon available. There was at least one other video, that switched things up a bit with a different little kid helping the good guys out, and a much cooler lead villain in "Warlock." Oh wait, that was the Nintendo game. I really should read the shit in IMDB's various parenthesis more closely. Oh well. Consider this paragraph my bibliography.
Overall: Honestly, not too bad. I've seen (and reviewed) worse. I was a big fan of the toys, so seeing them brought to life was going to strike a chord with me no matter how much the toon sucked, but the almost-faithful tribute to some of the classic monster characters and good voicework pulled "Monster In My Pocket" from a video I'm reviewing because it's easy to make fun of to a video I'm reviewing because fans might want to check it out. If for nothing else, Vampire's garlic breath. Shit made my night.
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