-> -> READ PART ONE FIRST!
Storm Shadow: Has it been two weeks yet?
Commander Frack: Almost. We're about twenty minutes shy.
Grip: Do you really think it was a good idea to cover the Chia Pet with tin foil? Don't plants need sunlight to grow?
Commander Frack: Well, I weighed the options. It was either sunlight, a proven commodity for plants, or the tin foil tarp, a proven commodity if you want to build suspense for a grand unveiling. I think I made the right choice.
Storm Shadow: I can't believe we've been sitting here for two weeks.
Viper: Commander, I'm concerned.
Commander Frack: That's a huge shock, Viper. Huge shock.
Viper: Seriously! I mean, what if it didn't grow? Cobra Commander isn't known to take two weeks' worth of wasted labor lightly. If that thing didn't bloom, he might fire us from Cobra!
Commander Frack: Fire us?! Are you insane? If that Chia Pet isn't covered in Chia sprouts, he'll fucking kill us. Guess you better up the ante to "very concerned," eh?
Viper: There's no place like home, there's no place like home.
Viper: Maybe we should work on a backup plan? We should at least come up with something to show the office if this whole Chia Pet thing doesn't pan out. We need to cover our tracks.
Commander Frack: Jesus, Viper. For the past two weeks, I've done nothing but stare at a god damned foil-covered Chia Pet. Nothing else. Absolutely nothing else. The last thing I want to do right now is come up with a solution for a situation involving that very same god damned foil-covered Chia Pet not growing. After two weeks of sitting here, do you know what my solution for that thing not growing would be? Blowing my fucking head off.
Viper: Stop cursing!
Commander Frack: Stop talking to me and you won't have to hear it, you shitfucking dickass. Hole.
Grip: Whatcha doin', Storm Shadow?
Storm Shadow: To kill time, I've devoted all of my efforts to creating a new comic strip. Maybe I can get it syndicated and take up a new career if that plant don't grow and we all get axed.
Grip: A comic?? What's it about?!
Storm Shadow: Well, you know termites, right? My comic is about termites who go bad. Bugs from the wrong side of the tracks, so to speak. Wanna see it?
Grip: Uhhhh. Oh well. Yeah, lemme see it.
Grip: Man. Man oh man oh man.
Storm Shadow: What's the matter? Don't you like it?
Grip: Storm Shadow, come on. Who in their right mind would want to read the ongoing saga of an evil termite? That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard in my life, and that's coming from a guy who was sold on letting Cobra turn him into a giant mutant scorpion. Honestly, this is the worst idea for a story that I've ever seen.
Storm Shadow: I guess you're right. Let's get back to watching that Chia Pet grow!
Viper: Storm Shadow!! Grip!! Hurry!! Commander Frack's about to take the foil off!
Storm Shadow: Looks like this is the moment of truth.
Viper: You know what'd be really ironic? If you were lying about it being the moment of "truth."
Storm Shadow: ...I can't believe we've been sitting here for two weeks...
Commander Frack: Okay troops, listen up. Before I take off this foil, I want to tell y'all something. Now, a lot's riding on whether this Chia Pet grew or not. We've put our blood, sweat and tears into this thing for two weeks. Cobra Commander is depending on us. Before we find out our fate, I just wanted to say that you three are the finest soldiers I've ever had the privilege of commanding. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Viper: Hey, you know what'd be really iron--
Storm Shadow: Oh shut the fuck up.
Viper: Good Heavens! It grew! It grew! Thank the Lord...the Chia Pet grew!
Commander Frack: Well, she's a bit underdeveloped, but all in all I'd say we did a fine job. Success, troops. Success!
Storm Shadow: It's a little light in greens by the rear, Commander. Think anyone will notice?
Commander Frack: No, Storm Shadow. You're the only one who'd focus in on the Chia Pet's ass. Now, somehow, we've gotta lug this thing all the way back to Cobra Headquarters.
Grip: That sounds like a hassle. It'd be easier to move Cobra Headquarters here.
Commander Frack: Yeah, I asked about that, but they just got the new plumbing installed.
Storm Shadow: Jesus, this thing is heavy!
Commander Frack: Okay everyone! Gather your equipment and make sure you're not forgetting anything. We've got a long trip ahead of us.
Storm Shadow: Are you sure we can't rent a van or something?
Commander Frack: If we could call them, we would. For some reason, all of the phones around here are taller than we are. It's like breaking into Knox just to get 'em off the hook.
Storm Shadow: From what I can tell, we're about six miles away from Cobra HQ.
Commander Frack: Soldiers gotta do what soldiers gotta do. And what are we? Everyone aloud!
....."soldiers."
Storm Shadow: AHHHH! IT'S SNAKE EYES!
Viper: G.I. JOE FOUND US, COMMANDER! WE'RE DEAD!!!
Storm Shadow: So, you found our little hideout, didn't ya Snake Eyes? Just couldn't resist spying on your old nemesis, huh? You're freakin' obsessed with me...admit it!
Snake Eyes: ....
Storm Shadow: Talk, God damn you. You've been out of the clan for decades. Get over it.
Snake Eyes: ....
Storm Shadow: TALK, YOU IDIOT! TALK!
Snake Eyes: ....
Storm Shadow: Fine. Tell you what, loser...let's make this our final battle. To the death. Winner take all. You die you lose. Let's see who works the blade like none other, for once and for all.
Snake Eyes: ....
Storm Shadow: TALK GOD DAMN YOU!
CONTINUE TO PAGE TWO!!!
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