Storm Shadow: Why I oughta...
Viper: Now hold on just one second there, Storm Shadow. Why would Snake Eyes come all of this way to fight four of Cobra's best by himself? At the very least, we should hear him out.
Storm Shadow: Hear him out?! He doesn't say anything, you jackass. That's his gimmick. Dead silence and a cool outfit. I hate this motherfucker.
Commander Frack: Mind your tongue, soldier! Don't forget who your commanding officer is! I make the decisions around here! Snake Eyes...if you don't want us to moidah you, you better have a good reason for this intrusion.
Storm Shadow: Wha -- what's he think he's doing?! Let me kill him!
Viper: Storm Shadow, just hold on! Let's figure out why he's here first! Maybe he's come in peace!
Viper: HA! See?! He's raising the Cobra flag! He wants to switch sides!
Commander Frack: Well I'll be damned. This is a proud day for Cobra.
Storm Shadow: Have you all gone insane?! This is SNAKE EYES -- he's one of the top five enemies Cobra's got!
Commander Frack: "Top five," ay? He must be really good then. This is quite an acquisition. Now we'll go back to base with the Chia Pet and and new ally!
Storm Shadow: Commander Frack, think about what you're doing! Aligning ourselves with Snake Eyes only guarantees our doom! He'll betray us!
Commander Frack: Listen, soldier. I took a risk by putting a tin foil over the Chia Pet, and that worked out just fine, didn't it? I know what I'm doing. I trust him.
Snake Eyes: ....
Commander Frack: Plus, he doesn't say all that annoying shit all you other idiots do.
Commander Frack: Listen up, troops! We're still about four miles away from Cobra Headquarters. Let's pack it up for the night. Tomorrow morning, we'll return to base as heroes!
Viper: Oooh! I hope Elvis is still alive when I dream!
Storm Shadow: Errrgh. I still can't stand being around this guy. And what's the matter with you, Grip?
Grip: I haven't said anything for the past seven hours and nobody even noticed.
Commander Frack: Hey! Hands in your own lap!
Storm Shadow: Where I come from, we're taught to be assertive.
Viper: Man, this sucks. Why do I have to sleep next to the giant scorpion guy?
Grip: You think that sucks? Try being the giant scorpion guy.
Commander Frack: Snake Eyes? Aren't you coming to bed?
Storm Shadow: He doesn't go to bed, Commander. He doesn't sleep, he doesn't speak...all the guy does is stand around annoying everyone. Can I kill him when we wake up?
Commander Frack: Snakey, if you're not going to sleep, would you mind watching over the Chia Pet? Make sure nobody steals it.
Viper: Commander, it's not that I don't trust Snake Eyes, but do you really think it's such a good idea to put him in charge of the only thing that's going to keep us alive when we return to Cobra Headquarters tomorrow?
Commander Frack: Actually, I think it's pretty brilliant. Everyone, get to bed! Lights out!
Snake Eyes: Laaaaaaa, la da dee dahhhh...
Commander Frack: Okay everyone, rise and shine! It's time to haul that Chia Pet back home!
...hey wait a second.
AHHHHHHHHH!
Commander Frack: That son of a bitch! He turned us into Gremlins!
Storm Shadow: I told you not to trust him, Commander! I told all of you! Why doesn't anybody ever listen to me? Look at us....we're hideous!
Grip: Why did I get so much smaller?! Frack, what are we supposed to do now?
Commander Frack: Well...well...jeez...I dunno. I'll tell you what we won't be doing, though...
Commander Frack: We won't be neglecting our duties as Cobra soldiers! We have a responsibility here, troops! Yes, Snake Eyes turned us into Gremlins and ran off into the night. But he forgot to take the Chia Pet! We can still make good on our promise to Cobra Commander! Maybe he can turn us back to normal as a reward!
Storm Shadow: I TOLD YOU PEOPLE NOT TO TRUST HIM! Why didn't you listen?!
Grip: I wonder why all of our clothes disappeared, or in some cases, morphed into other clothes.
Storm Shadow: You should have listened to me!
Viper: Commander, I'm all for team camaraderie and keeping spirits alive, but how are we supposed to lug that thing back to Cobra HQ like this? What if somebody sees us? And how are we supposed to convince the guards that we're really who we say we are?
Commander Frack: Viper, if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that every cloud has a silver lining. Example: my hat still fits!
Commander Frack: All right everyone, grab hold of that basket and HEAVE! We've only got a few hours to get to base! They're expecting us at any moment now!
Grip: Hey Frack, it's a lot harder to pull this thing when we're Gremlins. Maybe you should give us a hand.
Storm Shadow: You should've listened! You all should've just listened!
Tony: My word...now there's something you don't see everyday.
Jawa Joe: Yeah, and me without my camera! Figures.
-- Matt (1/30/03)
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