I found this thing at a comic booth at some flea market in Jersey a few years back, and have forever since wondered about its origins. As it's been lost in my legion of overflowing junk boxes until recently, it's only now that I can finally show it to the world and hope, even pray, for the truth. Hey look -- Freddy had gum!
Made by Topps in 1989, I assume the candy both helped promote and cash in on "A Nightmare on Elm Street 5 - Dream Child." Freddy's had assloads of toys and novelties featuring his charred likeness over the years, but generally, the stuff only popped up when he had a new movie coming out. Yet, that's all I can surmise about this vial of the so-called "Freddy's Bubble Gum." Everything else is lost in the past, and I can't shake the feeling that someone's trying to hide something. This gum was the cause of a tremendous evil...I just know it.
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Just as alarming is the fact that I can't find a single mention of it anywhere. You'd assume something as memorable and eye-catching as "Freddy's Bubble Gum" would inspire at least one devoted fan, determined to keep the memory of his or her favorite candy item alive as the years passed. I can get several thousand results on search engines while looking up "Teebo," probably the sixth or seventh most prominent Ewok in "Return of the Jedi." Freddy's magic gum gets nothing, nada, zip. Something's wrong with that. Plus, a conspiracy makes sense. Teebo's record is way too clean for the government to impose a "no Teebo search" law on the Internet at large. Freddy? He fits the suit, definitely.
Here, there, everywhere -- bubble gum is available wherever you look, in an almost impossibly huge range of flavors. To think, when bubble gum debuted several decades ago, it was such a big deal that Bubble Yum got away with offering it in a single flavor. It was soft, chewy and bubble-ready, and that was all we cared about. These days, you can obtain bubble gum in any one of six thousand varieties. Some of them aren't necessarily even real flavors, but rather assaults of sour and sweet arriving with strange names like "Twisted Tornado," "Mystery Chicken Punch" and "Really From Mars." Mostly roided up versions of fruit punch or cherry, these flavors presume that they're the pack leaders in the weird bubble gum flavor department...but that's only because they've never met up with "Freddy's Bubble Gum."
"Strawberry Splash" ain't be so brash if it did, that fo sho.
I'm also going to assume that this stuff had a limited run, both in time and in actual scope, because I just can't believe that I wouldn't remember something this...well, memorable. The package is reminiscent of "Push Pops," also by Topps, but the driving source of lasting impressions are all of the Freddy stickers strewn about the why-is-it-yellow tube of doom. You've got the head, you've got the claw -- with the exception of bloodied body parts or a screaming slit-throat teen, it's pretty much all a person could ask for from an Elm Street-themed bubble gum package.
The cap doubles as a beltclip, so kids who took an especial pride in their love for Freddy could wear him close to their crotch for the whole world to see. This gum was something else, I'm telling you. When I first came across it at that flea market, I worriedly shook the container, fearing the worst. Oh, if you could hear the jingle. The gum is still in there. It's completely full -- never opened until now. I feel like I should be pulling a curtain or shining the knob of Door #3. The crescendo we're mounting to is more like a crescendwhoa. It's almost time...almost, but not quite.
What the Hell's that little saying above Freddy's head? Take a look...
"The Freddy Nobody Knows."
What does that mean? Can anybody tell me? I know what it's saying literally, but does this eccentric little phrase have ties to any of Freddy's movies or various other projects?
If not, then what? Are we getting in touch with the softer side of Freddy Krueger? Gum is soft, so it makes sense. Corresponding with that train of thought, check out Freddy's uncharacteristically pensive pose on the sticker. He can't take the claw off -- it's his meal ticket -- but Freddy's totally let his guard down. He's throwing a safety net towards all who'd trust him long enough to chew cheap bubble gum. The old Freddy wouldn't do something like that. Old Freddy would leap off the label, make a dated pop reference and tie your intestines to a moving train. Then one of your friends would wake up and say "oh shit."
I don't trust Freddy Krueger, but my curiosity's gotten the better of me. I need to see that gum. I need to understand Freddy's message. I gotta find out if it's cherry!
What?! That's the gum?! What is Freddy up to? What do pastel-colored tiny Chiclets have to do with the murders on Elm Street?
And then, it hit me...
That's his bait! Sincere, unassuming pastel Chiclets obliviously mask a more devilish attempt from their creator and spokesperson, luring in children for the eventual kill. What Freddy had planned for these gum-chewing innocents remains unknown, but it likely factors in to the massive cover-up conspiracy surrounding "Freddy's Bubble Gum." I may be holding a murder weapon. I should probably stop chewing it.
All in all, I'm sad that I couldn't find out more about this stuff. It's got a story to tell, and I can't understand the language. Hopefully, someone out there can help shed some light on an otherwise dark and gritty situation. If you know the truth about "Freddy's Bubble Gum," you know where to find me.
See that Wuzzle? He got those 3-D glasses at the premiere of "Freddy's Dead." Told me the movie sucked, but that the glasses justified the ticket price. I would've probed for more info, but I was took taken aback because my Wuzzle doll never actually spoke before.
