The retro fad's probably gonna start dying off by next Christmas, but right now, it's peaking. Though some purists hate sharing their longtime obsessions with a zillion "bandwagoners," the rest of us are more happily prone to sit back and enjoy the resurgence of everything we've refused to forget. Personally, I think it's great. The saturation and sometimes-souless nature of it all can be a bitch, but when I'm walking into Toys R' Us and finding Game Boys fashioned after old Nintendo controllers complete with a beefy library of classic titles, all my misgivings are washed away along with the hundred bucks. It's the "GBA SP Classic," and if you grew up on Super Mario, it's a must have.
Yeah, it's just a regular GBA SP, dolled up. I guess you'd have a hard time justifying the purchase if you already had another version of the system, but luckily, I didn't. Actually, the last Game Boy I've owned was the first Game Boy out there -- the gray one with the puke-colored screen, which ultimately became immortalized as a character on Captain N. I've missed out on everything inbetween. The one-two punch of releasing this old school rendition right alongside a good number of classic games was a smooth move by Hirirootshimo Nintendoahh. I'm sure I'm not the only one who got suckered into an industry I have very little current interest in, and all it took was the chance to play Excitebike again.
The GBA SP Classic retails for 99.99, and the classic games go for an affordable 20 bucks a pop. Granted, they probably could've gotten the price on some of the games down a bit more, but then they'd be treading into pointless territory from a business standpoint. Besides, the games are exactly the same as you remember, right down to the odd super-powered glitches that were all the rage in the Nintendo Fun Club's Letters to the Editor section. Even nearly two decades ago, you couldn't get a single one of these titles for twenty bucks. Hirirootshimo says "it bargain." I tend agree do I. Here's a detailed look at all you need to know about the system, but the short version is this: if you're still a NES junkie, I cannot possibly foresee dissapointment in buying this. Even if you never play the thing, it just looks so damn cool. You've dropped a hundred bucks on worse.
Brilliantly marketed as part of Nintendo's "Who Are You?" campaign, the commercial features a hip teen of today morphing into a mulleted hip teen of the 80s midway through a game of Donkey Kong, as scores of classic video game characters orbit around his toes like little pixelated retro moons. The ad is positively infectious, with Yaz's Situation blasting in the background as the camera zooms to and fro with reckless abandon. Viewers who hadn't heard about the GBA SP Classic before seeing the commercial were likely knocked off their beanbags in fits of ecstacy -- it definitely has that epic feel going for it. More importantly, it's not going through the motions: a less-interested producer would've stuck to Super Mario and Link, but this commercial features everything from those fish Mario had to hop over to the keys Link managed to hold in his pocket even though they were just as tall as him. And a good song!
My interest in the wee machine was already piqued by what I'd read online, but I've gotta credit the ad campaign for really getting my ass to the toy store. I'd anticipated buying one or two of the classic titles, but once you get your bill up to 140 bucks or so, the madness settles in and ya just don't give a crap how much you're spending...
...I ended up buying six of the available titles -- almost all of 'em. Oops. Something not heavily advertised or even mentioned but still a major kick -- even the game boxes are patterned after the original Nintendo versions, using the same crude game graphics on the front. "The Legend of Zelda" sadly lacks the limited edition orginal gold that once made me salivate, but the only title that seems mildly out of place is "Pac-Man." Granted, it was available for the Nintendo, but was nowhere near as synonymous with the system as the other titles. Then again, "Xevious," one of the few games I skipped on, is even more "huh?" Still, judging on the six I bought, it's an amazing assortment. Mindless fun like "Exitebike," intense "must not let myself lose a life" flavor like "Ice Climber," incredible payoffs for "gotta kill that monkey" longings like "Donkey Kong," and of course, the home of the Tektites, blue and orange. I'll tell you more about the games in a bit -- first, let's gawk at the GBA itself, for at least 25 minutes.
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Folded up like a retreating turtle but not really, the tuckable GBA SP Classic compacts its size for easier travel while protecting the holy screen at the same time. It runs on power from its included charger, thus removing the need to buy a couple of special batteries or several hundred regular ones. It almost looks like a Nintendo system at this stage, and you just know that Hirsiriioshima would swear it's intentional. It also clasps onto paper and serves as a many-purposed paperweight. I don't think even Hirososhima Ninteendo would take credit for that miracle.
Inside: perfect. Condensed, but perfect. It's a glory that will only be made better when Nintendo re-releases "Contra" complete with the 30-lives code that everyone quotes for some reason. If you're only used to the older Game Boy screens, or even a Game Gear or something of that age, scratch the notion. The screen is at least 57 inches, with just as many million colors and settings to change the audio language. And if not, it's still pretty damn good. The games all look crisp -- even crisper than normal because of the shrink-down effect, and yes that's what it's called -- with perfect music and sounds, and all the charm. If they've edited a thing in any of the games, I haven't noticed it yet.
You can adjust the position of the screen, effectively erasing any instances of players having to hold the Game Boy in ways that twist their wrists 80 degrees to get the right light. It's God's gift to the makers of gimmicky things people have no method of resisting. It's a tiny machine that plays video games! Griddle me mambas.
You know what I like about the Excitebike font? It's always slanted.
Right down to the guidebooks, the replication process is stunning, They didn't duplicate the old manuals 100%, but it's pretty close. Anyone who owned "The Legend of Zelda" back in its heyday knew that the real best part of the deal was the immense, oh-so-readable instuction guide it came with. There we learned the story of Link, the curse of Impa, the names of the 50,000 bugs and goblins who attacked us above and below ground, and yes, the mysterious Tri-Force. It was longer than most of Dickens' classics, and I couldn't put the thing down. The key elements remain in the GBA version, right down to the tease of not showing what Ganon looked like. Other manuals, like the one for "Super Mario Bros.," retain the neat cheesy graphics found in the original. The real test will be when Nintendo re-releases "Super Mario Bros. 2." They better make no mistake about Birdo being a transvestite again. It's not that controversial. Here's a breakdown of the games I picked up. Keep in mind, there's a few more. Good ones, too. I ran out of money.
Super Mario Bros.: One of the best games of all time no matter what anyone says, "Super Mario Bros." was arguably the game that got so many people buying NES consoles to begin with. It's what did it for me, at least. Born into a home where the many versions of Atari had been played even before my arrival, I stayed loyal to them and made the ultimate mistake after Nintendo hit TRU's mystical glass-walled electronics center: I chose an Atari 7800 over a Nintendo. An Atari 7800! "Food Fight" rocked, and "Pole Position 998" was kinda fun, but traveling across the street to my friend's house and seeing him warp around beautiful worlds in bright green pipes made me seethe with something Satanic. Nintendo went beyond being just a phenomenon. It was more on the level of the television or microwave -- every house had one. Sales figures would probably prove this entire paragraph incorrect, but it'd be really cool if I lucked out. Being the first real money game for the system -- an extremely important distinction -- Mario and friends set the bar high, and every game that wasn't at least arguably on its level was deemed a dissapointment, even if some of 'em were pretty good in their own right. Mario had been seen before, but this was the game that made him into an icon who still sits atop Nintendo Mountain today. No other character has even come close.
Ice Climber: Spotlighted in "Super Smash Bros. Melee," eskimos "Nana" and "Popo" were some of Nintendo's eldest statesmen, proving their worth in a game that was all about hopping through icy platforms and finding veggies while avoiding upright polar bears in safari jams. Other enemies include seals and birds, the kind who really don't want to kill you but can't exactly help the fact that you die by touching them. The towns of "Ice Climber" are crowded. Shit happens. On the flipside, the eskimo warriors carry big-sticked hammers, and it's probably the only video game ever made to hand out bonus points for clubbing seals.
Pac-Man: Still a bit iffy on the Pac-Man thing, but it's a great rendition regardless. Just hearing that little tune that plays right before Pac-Man does or dies at the start of a maze round is worth the price of admission, but when you factor in the blinking pellet-fearing ghosts and those cute plays everyone puts on when you complete a tough maze, it's a real steal. It also brings up a longlost point: when the ghosts die, they get eaten by Pac-Man. When Pac-Man dies, he gets eaten by Pac-Man. Everything gets eaten by Pac-Man in this game. Dots, power pellets, ghosts...even himself. For all the record lists people have forged for Pac-Man's successes, how could nobody mention this gaming first?
Excitebike: The system's most iconic sleeper hit, nobody ever really considered "Excitebike" their favorite game, but there wasn't a person on the planet who didn't love it. The races were fun, but the ability to form your own track and tack on as many super-jump mini-ramps as you wanted made "Excitebike" cause many a first orgasm. I hated the "overheating" feature, but at least it kept things interesting. Wow, I just realized...there probably was a Game Genie code for "no overheating." Why did I never look that up? Why did I have to lose the code book and just guess random letters and numbers?
Donkey Kong: Make Mario hop over barrels and fireballs on his way to save Pauline from the evil Donkey Kong, a huge monkey who isn't romantically interested in his captives, but likes to hold 'em anyway just to spite their boyfriends. It's weird seeing Mario fawn over Pauline instead of Princess Toadstool, but I guess it was easy for him to rationalize since they both looked exactly the same anyway. That classic "I'm gonna move to the beat only using 50% of my body at any given time" dance Donkey Kong does hasn't lost a step even after all of these years. The hardest part of the game is keeping your focus on the myriad obstacles for Mario to hop over rather then the Silent Siren Song of Dancing Donkey Kong. Bananas.
The Legend of Zelda: The most insanely stacked game of the lot, "The Legend of Zelda" shattered records and had the guy who'd later voice the Cryptkeeper running around a rubber room in the first Zelda commercial, wearing a black sweatsuit and doing Octorok imitations. Yeah, so don't be an asshole when Lady Old Lady gives you a choice: take the damn heart container, you idiot. Zelda's game series is held to a different standard than most anything else from Nintendo, and this is the reason why. Just an absolutely immense adventure that never stops being interesting, "The Legend of Zelda" was chock full of secret bonuses, diverse lands, amazing weapons, and a big fish woman who lived in the water and spat death at you. It's got it all, and it's just as good today as it was in 198something.
Yes, the actual original games can be purchased for a fraction of the GBA versions' cost, and yeah, you can buy the whole Nintendo system for less than 20 bucks these days if you spend more than five minutes searching. Yup, you could just download 'em too, or play some of 'em in Flash recreations. But you can't carry those renditions around in your pocket. Not without a clunky laptop, at least. There are other avenues, usually obscure, but this is where Nintendo circumvents competition: now I can play Excitebike on the train. Plus, I can wear headphones and hide the system in my coat, so everyone will think I'm just fiddling with a Walkman and not playing video games out on the streets. It's the perfect setup. Faithful to its roots without being parodical, the GBA SP Classic is well worth the money and you'll probably end up marrying it. Sold mostly for the novelty factor, but that novelty factor's off the charts.
Super Mario Bros.: One of the best games of all time no matter what anyone says, "Super Mario Bros." was arguably the game that got so many people buying NES consoles to begin with. It's what did it for me, at least. Born into a home where the many versions of Atari had been played even before my arrival, I stayed loyal to them and made the ultimate mistake after Nintendo hit TRU's mystical glass-walled electronics center: I chose an Atari 7800 over a Nintendo. An Atari 7800! "Food Fight" rocked, and "Pole Position 998" was kinda fun, but traveling across the street to my friend's house and seeing him warp around beautiful worlds in bright green pipes made me seethe with something Satanic. Nintendo went beyond being just a phenomenon. It was more on the level of the television or microwave -- every house had one. Sales figures would probably prove this entire paragraph incorrect, but it'd be really cool if I lucked out. Being the first real money game for the system -- an extremely important distinction -- Mario and friends set the bar high, and every game that wasn't at least arguably on its level was deemed a dissapointment, even if some of 'em were pretty good in their own right. Mario had been seen before, but this was the game that made him into an icon who still sits atop Nintendo Mountain today. No other character has even come close.
Ice Climber: Spotlighted in "Super Smash Bros. Melee," eskimos "Nana" and "Popo" were some of Nintendo's eldest statesmen, proving their worth in a game that was all about hopping through icy platforms and finding veggies while avoiding upright polar bears in safari jams. Other enemies include seals and birds, the kind who really don't want to kill you but can't exactly help the fact that you die by touching them. The towns of "Ice Climber" are crowded. Shit happens. On the flipside, the eskimo warriors carry big-sticked hammers, and it's probably the only video game ever made to hand out bonus points for clubbing seals.
Pac-Man: Still a bit iffy on the Pac-Man thing, but it's a great rendition regardless. Just hearing that little tune that plays right before Pac-Man does or dies at the start of a maze round is worth the price of admission, but when you factor in the blinking pellet-fearing ghosts and those cute plays everyone puts on when you complete a tough maze, it's a real steal. It also brings up a longlost point: when the ghosts die, they get eaten by Pac-Man. When Pac-Man dies, he gets eaten by Pac-Man. Everything gets eaten by Pac-Man in this game. Dots, power pellets, ghosts...even himself. For all the record lists people have forged for Pac-Man's successes, how could nobody mention this gaming first?
Excitebike: The system's most iconic sleeper hit, nobody ever really considered "Excitebike" their favorite game, but there wasn't a person on the planet who didn't love it. The races were fun, but the ability to form your own track and tack on as many super-jump mini-ramps as you wanted made "Excitebike" cause many a first orgasm. I hated the "overheating" feature, but at least it kept things interesting. Wow, I just realized...there probably was a Game Genie code for "no overheating." Why did I never look that up? Why did I have to lose the code book and just guess random letters and numbers?
Donkey Kong: Make Mario hop over barrels and fireballs on his way to save Pauline from the evil Donkey Kong, a huge monkey who isn't romantically interested in his captives, but likes to hold 'em anyway just to spite their boyfriends. It's weird seeing Mario fawn over Pauline instead of Princess Toadstool, but I guess it was easy for him to rationalize since they both looked exactly the same anyway. That classic "I'm gonna move to the beat only using 50% of my body at any given time" dance Donkey Kong does hasn't lost a step even after all of these years. The hardest part of the game is keeping your focus on the myriad obstacles for Mario to hop over rather then the Silent Siren Song of Dancing Donkey Kong. Bananas.
The Legend of Zelda: The most insanely stacked game of the lot, "The Legend of Zelda" shattered records and had the guy who'd later voice the Cryptkeeper running around a rubber room in the first Zelda commercial, wearing a black sweatsuit and doing Octorok imitations. Yeah, so don't be an asshole when Lady Old Lady gives you a choice: take the damn heart container, you idiot. Zelda's game series is held to a different standard than most anything else from Nintendo, and this is the reason why. Just an absolutely immense adventure that never stops being interesting, "The Legend of Zelda" was chock full of secret bonuses, diverse lands, amazing weapons, and a big fish woman who lived in the water and spat death at you. It's got it all, and it's just as good today as it was in 198something.