Oh man, oh man oh man oh man. We're so close to being done. Sooooo so close. In fact, the end is so unbelievably near, I'm going to skip the formalities and enjoy my celebratory cookie RIGHT NOW! It's chocolate chip. Like a Salt N' Pepa lyric.

Here's "Periwinkle," a shade of blue not too unique or refreshing but still irresistible because it's named "Periwinkle." The one other thing I like about it is how chalky it is. I don't know how to explain it. I'm just drawn to chalky crayons. Always have been. Always will be.

Whoa, what's this? And I thought "Periwinkle" was the crayon name to end all crayon names? Check out this one: "Robin's Egg Blue!" Again, the color's chalky. I never bothered to check if robin's eggs are really blue, but I'm going to say it is because it makes for such a cooler story. You get to envision Crayola's scientists out on the field, using a real life version of the Photoshop dropper to snag a hue so perfectly similar to that of the robin's egg. If they're not really blue, I hope the president of Crayola gets cancer of the eye.

Diggity hot fresh, these greens are f'n o'k. "Forest Green" is a perennial fave. Like its correspondingly colored cousins on the Monopoly board, nobody appreciates the dark greens until they run out of black or Park Place and need an understudy to step forward. "Forest Green" is dark enough to serve as an outline for any object, but if your black crayons are still troopers, it works just as well as the grassy floor for the rest of your vision. The second crayon I hold is called "Asparagus." It isn't as oh my lordy as "Forest Green," but I love it to death because it's named after a vegetable. When Crayola releases the 200-count box of crayons, I hold out spider-hope that "Atomic Asparagus" will be among the conspirators.

Oooh hooo hooo oooh ooh! Something under the covers is tickling me! I wonder what it could be!

"Tickle Me Pink!" Oooh hoo hoo hoo! What a funny crayon this is!

"Bittersweet" and "Burnt Orange" both sound like vetoed Lipton Tea varieties, but they're great whenever you need to color in a sunlit boat or a group of pesky armadillos. I like them because they're both brown crayons that start with a "B" but neither of them are actually called brown. I don't know if that's irony or heaven in a wax.

"Wild Strawberry!" Like the fruit!

"Brick Red!" Like your house!

If it was made of red bricks and just those.

Also gotta mention that "Brick Red" has always been one of my favorites. My vermilion vindicator has long supplied the bloodshed for the varied alien creatures I've drawn and then destroyed. You know my suit, you know the truth. "Brick Red" is...my power color.

Hey hey let's knock out four at once because it's 10:20 and Spidey's gonna miss whatever comes on at 10:30. "Plum" is a happy ol' purple, a purple so deep I theorize that a pinch of eternal darkness is dripped into each big wax vat used to make "Plum" Crayola crayons. And I know they use big wax vats because Sesame Street did that short documentary once about crayon factories. I loved it when the Count counted.

"Turquoise Blue" sounds expensive and looks expensive. I use it to color in everything I hold of great meaning. In my coloring books all the good stuff is "Turquoise Blue."

"Orchid" isn't without its charm, but I like "Magenta" better. This says a lot, because I don't even like "Magenta" much. I just hate "Orchid."

I think Slater was on this show for a while.

We're down to the last two crayons and...

Oh. Oh my. Oh my GOD! It's them! They're here!


I am pumped full of adrenaline and my adrenaline is SILVER...AND GOLD!

I'm so glad I'll never have to do this again.

- Spidey