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With only a commercial and some fairly crude package art to go on, the world didn't know much about Purplesaurus Rex. We knew he was purple, we knew he was a dinosaur and we knew he had his own brand of Kool-Aid. Granted, this is more than we know about a lot of folks, but we're hardly as interested in the lore of other folks as we are Purplesaurus Rex. It's why this particular issue of "The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man" is so special. By the time you've finished reading these twelve pages, you will know Purplesaurus Rex better than anyone else in the universe. Haha, you'll be such a loser. This issue has it all -- heroes, villains and even a look at what goes on inside the genuine Wacky Warehouse. The Kool-Aid Man, seen here chilling with some background players from Archie Comics, has just perfected his newest flavor -- still unnamed. He must've been working on it really hard if the process called for both a lab coat and Hawaiian shorts. Read between the lines here, folks: Those kids are the first in the world to ever taste Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid, and this story is all about how it got that name. I can't wait!  Holy crap, Scorch is back! You may remember him from another issue of the comic -- Scorch is just a very generalized nuisance. He's a bad guy who hates everything the Kool-Aid Man stands for, except maybe sunglasses. Scorch's plan: Steal the secret formula for the new Kool-Aid flavor so Kool-Aid Man won't be able to become more famous. This ranks right up there with the Joker killing Robin with that metal thing. Kool-Aid Man begins piecing together the puzzle, but it may be too late...  Okay, the boxes marked "STUFF" in the first panel make me entirely too giddy. There could be anything there. I feel like an old man about to receive a leg lamp. Still, boxes marked "STUFF" can't hold a candle to the second panel, where Kool-Aid Man belts out the strangest incarnation of "c'mon" yet seen. It's the big chase scene, you see, affording us the chance to see exactly what goes on inside the Wacky Warehouse. First, we're given a peek at the "Parents Pen," a place where boring adults do nothing exciting. I wasn't expecting such magnanimous social commentary in a Kool-Aid comic book, but then, I wasn't expecting anyone to coin the phrase "sizzle my timbers" either. This thing's full of surprises.  Scorch really should've thought out his plan a bit more -- he just has absolutely no idea where to turn. Stumbling from odd room to odd room, the doof's all about pratfalls and headfirst slams into suddenly-there walls. Blasting past Kool-Aid Man's slave labor camp, Scorch heads for the "Wacky Back-Tracker Room," a place where nobody is ever supposed to go. That's why it's there. To damningly tempt.  Okay, so the Wacky Back-Tracker Room evidently plays home to some kind of time travel gateway, because lord knows, you definitely need something like that if you're going to run a Kool-Aid mail-order facility. Now, I know new Kool-Aid formulas are important and all, believe me I do, but to follow a villain through the a time portal just to save it? Com' on. If I was the Kool-Aid Man, I think this is the point where I'd decide to collect my losses and start fresh. There's seventeen thousand Kool-Aid flavors...surely they're not that hard to forge. Worst of all, the Kool-Aid Man doesn't even suggest that the kids stay safely behind. He's willing to risk innocent lives to save grape/lemon Kool-Aid. Spider-Man would never do this.  It's often argued that creative liberties are more allowable within media forms meant for kids too young and stupid to understand why they suck, thus explaining why no complaints can be filed against Kool-Aid Man suddenly donning a safari hat when the gang lands in prehistoric times. It's the land of the dinosaurs, and if you can't see where this is going, I'm so gonna shoot you and everyone you love.
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