THE CEREAL PRIZE PROJECT: GROUP 006
(Major League Baseball Stickers, Rescue Rangers "Chip" Stamper, Weird Cookie Crisp Thing, Night Scope and Kellogg's PSA Stickers)
#023 - Baseball Bonanza Scratch-Off Game/Sticker Set: (Post, 1984)
Additional Images:
Sealed in package. Rules n' shit on back.
I don't need to be into sports to appreciate this one, a "Baseball Bonanza" from Post Cereal that includes both a set of stickers
and a scratch-off game. The stickers included team logos only, which I could've totally gotten away with adding to my school notebooks despite my lack of sporty knowledge. If the stickers were player-specific, I'd only be inviting one of my baseball-watching friends to ask, "Oh, you like so-and-so? Did you see him play last Thurs, man?" I wouldn't know what to say. What if my friend was just trying to trick me into revealing that I didn't watch baseball? What if so-and-so really didn't play last Thurs, man? Team icons were safer: You didn't need to watch the game to appreciate that crazy ass Indian Zangief on the Braves logo.
As for the scratch-off game, all kids stood to win was a team jacket or a shirt. I didn't win, but the real fun was scratching the foil from the field-based game card, complete with cute little bases and an evil message telling me that I struck out and lost. :(
#024 - Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers Stamper: (Kellogg's, 1990)
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Sealed premium.
Though I've never quite forgiven
Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers for being the first of many to screw with
Duck Tales' timeslot during the "Disney Afternoon," I admit it -- terrific show. I came out of the womb a fan of those nefarious chipmunks, to the point where I wouldn't let the costumed characters leave our breakfast table during my first trip to Disney World at age four. And by "wouldn't let," I mean that in the most literal way. The guys inside the suits would've had to gnaw their legs off first. Loved Chip, loved Dale, to death.
Rescue Rangers, like many of the Disney Afternoon shows, updated the classic characters with new roles, refreshed personas and outfits so foxy Walt Disney himself broke out of the ice and wondered aloud why he didn't think to give Chip a fedora first.
I always preferred Chip to Dale, though in my formative years it was only because I liked the color of his nose better than Dale's big red blister. Only during
Rescue Rangers was Dale fully realized as the goofy idiot asshole of the two -- dude totally got the short end of the stick. Chip had the leadership role, much cooler clothes, and when it came to femme rat Gadget's affections, Dale was left in the dust. While Chip was off tonguing every lavender-dressed crevice of Gadget's apple-high figure, Dale was left alone with Monterey Jack to play that timeless classic, "I'll throw a Cheeto, and you catch it in your mouth!"
Kellogg's had a thousand promotions for every Disney Afternoon show, and you'll be seeing plenty of 'em in the coming months. This Chip-based ink stamper was just one of four available -- one for each of the hero characters -- and if you think I'm going to write three paragraphs by the time I get up to Jack's stamper, you're probably right.
#025 - Weird Cookie Crisp Thingamajig: (Ralston, Date Unknown)
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Sealed premium.
Sadly, I cannot tell you what this item is, exactly. I assume its worth was explained on whatever old box of Cookie Crisp it used to live inside. No instructions were included with the premium, but I can tell you this: The character is none other than "Cookie Jarvis," the original Cookie Crisp mascot that predates even the cop & crook duo referenced in
Group 001. As you can see, Jarvis was a wizard. He and only he knew the Latverian incantation that'd marry chocolate chip cookies and vitamin-packed cereal bits together to the cheers of millions. Whatever the prize is meant to be, it includes a cardboard Jarvis and a plastic ring. Perhaps we were meant to make Jarvis do circus tricks like a miserable, skirt-wearing bear.
#026 - "Night Scope" Glow Device: (Kellogg's, 1990)
Additional Images:
Sealed premium. Instructions.
This is just a hunch, but I think this Kellogg's "Night Scope" doodad was inspired by the very cool and modestly successful collection of "Spy Tech" toys, from Tyco. If you weren't around for that, the toys were a ragtag bunch of battery-operated gizmos that let kids track their friends, secure their bedrooms and don a bunch of gray plastic headwear. Spy Tech toys and this Night Scope both debuted in 1990, strengthening my already rock solid case. I would've been a lawyer if I could deal with ties.
What's it do? Basically, the inside layer is coated with a substance that soaks in light and throws it back out in the dark, so after laying the thing against a lit lamp for a minute and turning the lights out, whatever you put the screen over will shine bright even in the darkest corners of the universe. Kellogg's got some serious mileage out of this one piece of cardboard, and though the premium is cooler in concept than delivery, I like the series of buttons and dials printed on the front enough to scribble "A+" all over the neighborhood, like a more pleasant Zorro.
#027 - Kellogg's Morally Just Stickers: (Kellogg's, 1973)
Additional Images: None. You can't have any.
These breakfast mascot stickers from 1973 feature Frosted Flakes' Tony the Tiger and Froot Loops' Toucan Sam in their still-Neanderthal forms, with rougher faces and cruder features. Still, the world had more important things to think about than fleshing out their cereal spokescreatures -- pollution, namely. There was just dirt and filth
everywhere. Damn dirty hippies painted the town red, green, black and blue, and the next gen were left with no other recourse but to pass the responsibility of cleaning shit up onto Toucan Fucking Sam. His advice: "Don't be a litterbird."
Meanwhile, Tony the Tiger -- still stupid during these early years -- licks his chops at the sight of a waste-drenched rubber boot.
--
Matt (6/16/05)
