October 11, 2004:
Nobody's Halloween season should be without a bat. I don't care how you incorporate it -- costume, toy, decoration, cake-shape, whatever -- but if you're flailing through October completely batless, you're missing out. It's good to add a little real life horror to the mix; bats are perfectly natural, you can run into them pretty much anywhere. I mean anywhere, beware. I've seen dozens of different toy bats serving many purposes while out on the prowl for more Countdown material, but it wasn't until late last week that I encountered the one bat who couldn't possibly be topped. If you're looking for the bat to end all bats, it's gotta be Fun World's electronic "Hovering Bat." Take a look...
Incredible, ain't she? Now, I should mention that the Hovering Bat ain't exactly cheap. I paid twenty for this one. This weekend I saw what looked to be a precise replica of the Hovering Bat minus the electronic facilities, and that version sold for under ten bucks. So, friends, there are options. I can't say it's a complete ripoff to buy the full-blown dancing version; it's more of a half rip-off, one you'll soon disregard because dancing, light-up bats are just so damn cool. Though you've probably seen similar entities much cheaper, don't overlook what this guy brings to the table. This bat has a thirty-inch wingspan, and since the wings are posable, you can probably stretch it to 35 without totally breaking the thing in half.
The figure isn't realistic, but it's certainly majestic. The materials used to make the dolls are crude, but seem somehow expensive. The heart of the treasure lies in its big bat head, with long plastic fangs and misplaced armpit hair concealing the pair of light-up red eyes. Though only capable of creeping out kids under six-years-old and family pets, this isn't one of those cutesy bats with big smiles and soft claws. If a voodoo priest brought your Hovering Bat to life, the first thing it'd do is eat your fingers and spit the excess blood in your face. Then it'd fly over to someone else and do the exact same thing.
The poorly hidden battery compartment is sealed by one of those screws so tiny that you'll have to make a late night run to the 24-hour eyeglass store to buy a repair kit with screwdrivers small enough to unscrew it. Or, use a sharp tip steak knife like the rest of the planet. Two AA batteries are all it takes to charge this baby up, and if you think that's a lot of trouble to go through for a silly ole bat, wait until you see what this thing can do. In the land of electronic Halloween bat decorations, Hovering Bat is king. It uses its power and influence to have the cave walls lined with gold. Sadly, being what it is, King Hovering Bat cannot see the gold. But he knows its there and it makes him happy.
I knew going into this that the battery compartment paragraph was going to be a stretch.
Okay, Hovering Bats do a whole lotta wacky shit once you've given them life through batteries. They activate through sound, so you can turn 'em on either by clapping hardcore or by blasting bad music. Once you do, prepare for thirty seconds of the Hovering Bat vibrating violently, spinning in circles as its beady little eyes blink red. Since the giant wings are covered in loose fabric prone to vibrations, the whole thing is quite a spectacle. The bat lets off a pleasantly ghoulish hum that doesn't sound exactly like wings flapping but is close enough to pass as such, and as the hangcord included is pretty flimsy for a doll so big, the thing spins in circles of madness every time you drop a book or sneeze.
In other words, your Halloween season will continue to suck until you own one of these. They're one of the only semi-reasonably priced decorations I've found this season that actually feel "evil," and I can't thank Fun World enough for not making the bat sing Monster Mash whenever I clapped at it. I wanted something dark and deadly, and for those ends, blowing twenty bucks on something I'll throw to the back of a closet in two weeks seems perfectly acceptable.
Tried to take a picture of the Hovering Bat in action, but Hovering Bats in action aren't conducive to still photography. Or maybe it was I who was shaking. Hovering Bats tend to cause this. I give this bat an A+. If I didn't, it would kill me.
