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October 22, 2004:
I've been saving these for over a month. They're getting stale. During last year's Halloween Countdown, one of the most popular items featured were the Marshmallow Peeps Cocoa Bats, creatures that truly broke the mold of Peepdom by being bigger, stranger and more flavorful than ever before. The great gods of Peep Kingdom have since embraced the holidays to new extents, treating each passing occasion as an excuse to bust out with as many fucked up Marshmallow Peeps as possible. We've got Christmas Peeps, Easter Peeps...I even saw Patriotic Peeps on sale last July. So, it goes without saying that Halloween is a prime candidate to make all sorts of new Peeps, and our cruel sugar masters didn't disappoint.
There's a Halloween Peep for every personality. I've gathered up four different kinds, but if you count the resurgent Cocoa Bats and any others I may have missed, there's a good chance that the population of Halloween Peepland numbers in the high dozens. Though some of the culprits aren't entirely unusual, a few are truly inspired and actually go places no Peep has gone before. I'm writing this one way late and won't spend much time on it, but whether you love Peeps or credit Peeps with your ongoing longing for suicide, you've gotta admit that the stupid candies make every holiday feel a little bit more special. Or at least more sugary.
Peeps Ghosts and Peeps Pumpkins aren't unusual -- they're the same style of Peep you've known for years. The Ghosts are the cooler of the two, giving us the rare treat of an albino Peep complete with facial features that clearly emphasize how surprised souls are to live on in Peep form. The Pumpkins are rather misshapen, and are probably recolored versions of an existing mold for an entirely unrelated holiday. There are very few ways to explain giving pumpkins ears, but King and Queen Peep never ruled with a friendly hand. They always do it their way, and we always listen. Better not to offend those in power.
Peeps Cocoa Cats are the best tasting of the bunch. They share a theme with last year's Cocoa Bats, but the cats are smaller and thus more easily downed in a single gulp, a trait everyone guns for when they're choosing their Peeps. To be honest, I don't particularly enjoy the way "normal" Peeps taste. I can eat one, but rarely go for seconds. The Cocoa Bats & Cats open up a whole new world of possibilities, removing the "just sugar" flavor of the originals and replacing it with more chocolately goodness than a cup of Swiss Miss.
Finally, a new kind of terror rises with Peeps Delightfills -- chunky, gooey Peeps with secret middles filled with liquid chocolate. Kinda gross, but the taste is interesting. The creamy middles seem much colder than the sugary shell that protects them, providing a sense of surprise to anyone brave enough to chomp down on one without making a friend do it first. We should expect the Peepmeisers to dream up other funky shit to fill their wares with in the years to come. I nominate cream cheese, if only for the merits of seeing Marshmallow Peeps sold in the dairy section.
When all my Peeps escape their packages and throw parties, nothing of note happens. But it's still fun to watch.
- Matt (10/22/04)
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