GEORGE: Ah ha! Finally found you! I finished shopping for my cool spooky item...how about you?
DEADDO: Yup. That's why I have this purple bag. In it lies a spooky item cooler than yours.
GEORGE: Pfft. Now remember, we both have to honestly agree which item is the coolest. No bullshit fake opinions -- this is all on the up and up. You didn't go over the five bucks we were allowed to spend, right? Cause mine only cost four.
DEADDO: Nope, we're cool. Mine was actually even cheaper.
GEORGE: Cheaper you say? Purple bag, you say? Oh how I wonder what "cool" spooky item you picked out! You ain't got a chance, Deaddo.
DEADDO: I tried my hardest and I'm satisfied enough in knowing that.
GEORGE: Loser.
GEORGE: Okay, I'll unveil my cool spooky item first. This way, you can exist in life for another minute or two without the burden of the defeat I'm about to shove in your face. Get ready to see the coolest cool spooky item ever made.
GEORGE: You're not going to believe what's in this bag. I've seen it and I still don't believe it.
DEADDO: I'll believe it when I see it.
GEORGE: You'll believe what I tell you to believe.
DEADDO: What are you telling me to believe?
GEORGE: Believe that you're not going to believe it.
DEADDO: Okay next topic.
GEORGE: It's Van Helsing's Monster Guts! Like from the movie! Starring us!
DEADDO: I wasn't in it, and in your case it was a totally different Dracula.
GEORGE: Monster Guts glow in the dark, and the jar is chock full of bloody body parts and eyeballs!
DEADDO: Really?
GEORGE: Yeah dude, I'm reading this straight off the package!
GEORGE: It's times like these I wish I had three hands.
DEADDO: QUUUAAAIIID!
GEORGE: Look at this! The slime guts smell funny, and the rubber eyeballs are oversized!
DEADDO: Really?
GEORGE: I read it on the package!
GEORGE: You gotta try this stuff for yourself. Look, you scooped out half of some poor corpse's jaw!
DEADDO: Wow, you were right. This is unbelievable.
GEORGE: Unbelievably good!
DEADDO: Can't argue with that, jack.
GEORGE: I don't know why I let you do this.
DEADDO: I'm pretty surprised about it too.
GEORGE: Well? Should you even bother taking your cool spooky item out of the bag? There's no way you can beat my Monster Guts!
DEADDO: Yeah, I gotta admit...there probably isn't anything more spooky or cool in the world than Van Helsing's Monster Guts.
GEORGE: So I win then, eh?
DEADDO: Let's finish up the contest proper and make our decision the right way. Here's what I got:
DEADDO: It's Van Helsing's Monster Guts. Only mine is a rare exclusive edition from Blockbuster Video, and it comes with a Van Helsing action figure featuring a removable hat. And it was 75% off, so it was two bucks cheaper than your version. What do you think?
GEORGE:Youuuuu sonofabitch.
DEADDO: Looks like I get to ask cousin Harriet out first!
GEORGE: Treat her right or I'll kill you.
DEADDO: Got a feeling I should dull my fingernails a bit before the big date.
GEORGE: Loser.
DEADDO: I wonder if Harriet will wear that nice perfume again.
GEORGE: I hope you're both very happy together.
DEADDO: Thanks, bro. I'll try to bring home her panties for you.
