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OCTOBER 5, 2004:
Jason Voorhees was never a rock star, but with the help of Alice Cooper and one questionable marketing strategy, he did star in a rock video! To celebrate Jason's big return in 1986 with Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, somebody paid Alice Cooper enough money to take a shit on his good name and forge a song made specially for Jason Vorhees. The song, "He's Back - The Man Behind The Mask," was a modest success; it didn't crack records or signal a new era for teens across the world or anything, but hey, for a music video that moreover served as an extended commercial for a Friday the 13th flick, it did as well as anyone could've hoped.
I don't know how many of you remember the song or video, but it's a glorious festival of cheese that'll delight longtime fans of both Jason and Alice Cooper. Can't say I'm even a casual fan of the latter, though I'd gladly spit-shine Alice's snake feet for that awesome cameo in Wayne's World. I'm sure Cooper is a little more choosy with what he'll tie his name to than the video suggests, but if you really think about it, there's no harm in a guy who makes his living alleging murder teaming up with a guy who basically does the same. It's not like Alice was doing voice work for Aladdin. It's a good match.
The song is okay, I guess. Actually, scratch that -- it's kinda catchy, and that's coming from someone who doesn't listen to anything remotely appoaching this kind of music. It's Jason-centric, it's kinda spooky, it serves its purpose. The video is what really stands out, featuring a bunch of juvenile delinquents crowding an Absolutely 80s movie theater for the midnight debut of Jason Lives. This is mainly done to pardon the hideous number of clips from the film shown during the video. On the plus side, there are a few new moments starring the masked man himself.
I can't exactly tell if it's all "new" footage or just doctored clips from Jason Lives, but this was hilarious shit either way. The trump moment comes near the end of the video, as Alice Cooper is literally dragged to the abyss by Jason, neck first. Another shot worth smiling for days over uses a faux 3-D effect to make Jason swing right through the movie screen right into the theater audience, who collectively respond by either chucking their sodas or popping up wearing hockey masks of their own. The producers evidently felt that good sight gags would carry the video far more than any coherent story, as I can't for the life of me figure out what the fuck they were trying to say with this. They were trying to get at something with this, but I can't peg it. Something about a nice regular kid out on a date, stuck in the midst of all these miscreants, I dunno, but it soon degenerates into piles of movie clips and shots of Alice Cooper trapping pretty girls in bamboo cages and making faces that clearly tell you Alice would be licking the chick if the video wouldn't have been banned for it. Alice has amazingly conveyable facial features. And I bet a few pet panthers.
Friday the 13th Part VI is one of the best liked of the series. The previous chapter eliminated Jason from the proceedings entirely, a concept that wasn't exactly popular with the diehards. Part VI made up for the error in judgment with much more of the Jason we wanted to see: a mindless, murdering Superman demon who cut up everything that moved, particularly teenagers who just had sex. I'd personally call it the third best in the series, not a completely unremarkable ranking if you consider the 8,000 Jason movies out there. My only complaint is that the movie was a little too cutesy, but I'm not convicted enough in that thought to spend even another sentence on it. The film also marked the complete and total shift from Jason being a particularly durable serial killer to a demon infested with evil, magical powers. Whenever unmasked, Jason looked more like Lizard King Reptil Snarge than the disfigured retard we all knew and love. I'm just saying.
All told, "The Man Behind The Mask" perfectly encapsulates the spirit of the Friday the 13th franchise and the era in which it rose to prominence, and if you don't believe that, it's at least good for a few HA YOU STUPIDS laughs. Finally, for those wondering: Yes, Alice's tribute makes good use of the series' trademark "ch ch ch" noises. I am eternally grateful for this.
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