OCTOBER 8, 2005:
I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE....something sassy.
I don't see it.
I'll rephrase. I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE....a lesson we all should take to heart.
No idea, dude.
Argh! I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE....something soft and cushy and right on the couch.
I'm looking....I'm looking at the couch....I see....
....A HA!
We lead boring lives. I wish we had legs.
At least we have weapons.
I'd rather have legs.
I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE....
Yeah, I'm totally done with that game.
There's gotta be some way out of this. Don't we have any connections in the voodoo market? Surely someone we know can kill a few chickens and use their blood to make us legs.
We've been through this a million times. We're not getting legs. Let's try to make the best of it.
I'M GOING ON A PICNIC AND I'M BRINGING aardvarks.
I'M GOING ON A PICNIC AND I'M BRINGING aardvarks and branches.
LATER...
I'M GOING ON A PICNIC AND I'M BRINGING aardvarks, branches, capers, death, elephants, frankfurters, goats, hysterectomies, inhibitions, jelly, Krispy Kremes, love, mangoes, nihilism, oranges, prickly pears, quarters, rifles and soda!
I'M GOING ON A PICNIC AND I'M BRINGING aardvarks, branches, capers, death, elephants, frankfurters, goats, hysterectomies, inhibitions, jelly, Krispy Kremes, love, mangoes...uh.....nihilism....uh....uh....
YESSSS!
Let's play that other game again. I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE....something soft and cushy on the couch.
I ALREADY DID THAT!
THE END.
- Matt (10/8/05)
The stars of this article are the Jason Voorhees and Leatherface "Wall Breakers," courtesy of the New Line Cinema Shop. As that idiot kid I had to sit next to in 7th grade social studies would say, these things are fucking gorge. Made of heavy foam and plastic, the huge beasts boast incredible detail, right down to lifelike hair, blood splatters and pop-out weapons. See a larger image of the Jason Wall Breaker here, or if you're more into Leatherface, click here instead. They're pretty much as ultimate as ultimate can get for fans of either slasher, and even if you're not into 'em, I remind you that New Line makes a Freddy Krueger version, too. Check 'em out!
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