It's tough to turn down a gummy version of candy corn, even if you absolutely should. Made by "Gummy Workshop," these little bags of fruit flavored squeezy corns assault your tongue with a bevy of shit you've never quite tasted before, not to mention a trail of hand-staining oils that'll stick with you until post-gummy shower #14.

I had some misgivings, because after all, "candy corn" isn't the most natural choice to transform into gummies. How would they pull off that familiar yet still indescribable taste? In short, they wouldn't. The best way to describe this crap is as a bunch of flavorless gummy triangles soaked in coconut oil -- if you're in the 2% that finds such recipes palatable, you're in luck. For the rest of us...well, maybe we should stick to the worms.


Gummies, or so I thought, were the only type of candies that could never do me wrong. It's tough to mess up that formula, but Gummy Workshop pulled it off. In our little taste test here at home, four of us tried the gummy candy corn. Four of us hated the gummy candy corn. Three of us spit up the candy corn. One of us said they would've done the same, but feared looking "rude." Still, this wouldn't be the first candy that's more fun to play with than actually eat, and for what it's worth, it's pretty entertaining to squeeze and stretch candy corn gummies. They're amazingly oily -- probably more oily than any candy I've handled -- and you can yank them into double-sized height without any signs of breakage. It'll only keep you amused for a minute or two, but could anyone really expect much more than that? They're gummy candies, not Playstations.

I just stuck my nose in the bag, and you know what these things kinda smell like? That five-inch space on the carpet where someone sprays spot remover after dotting clean dog piss. It's so much like that, you'd think it was by design. Overall, I can't lay a recommendation on these beasts. You can't very well eat them, and even though they're fun to fondle, they're not so fun to fondle that it outweighs the trails of shiny coconut oil that'll stick to your skin for all of eternity. The gods of Halloween demand more.

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