Okay, these are just awesome. Jussst awesome. Charms' "Dead Heads" aren't just the most "fine tuned for Halloween" candies I've encountered -- they're by and large the best lollipops in history. Yes, that includes Blow Pops. And they said it couldn't be done. The bag itself is worth the retail price; an all-black monster of mystery with a tongue-biting skeleton and a peculiar claim, stating that they're "ghoulishly delicious pops." Who are we to deny? You might notice how similar the bag is to the first series packs of "Garbage Pail Kids" cards, and I'm not sure how much that association is swaying me, but I've gotta think these are more than a few years old. The only place I've seen them is at closeout stores, and even there they're in limited supply. If you're lucky enough to come across a bag, don't pass up the chance. You'll be sorry for the rest of your life. That's easily 40+ years for nonsmokers.

Each pack contains around 26 pops -- should be enough for everyone at your Halloween party to have one, unless you're extremely popular. In my case, I'm eating all of this shit myself. Screw 'em, there's other, less interesting lollipops to use in manic giveaways. You're going to have to resist the temptation to leave the bag sealed, as it's quite clearly a thing of beauty. Honestly, this stuff has been sitting here for weeks, and it's only because I'm in a rush to get the Countdown updated that I'm opening 'em up. Truth me told, I already regret the decision. No matter how great they taste, knowing that I had a sealed bag of Charms' "Dead Heads" made me feel like I had an edge on the rest of the world. Now the edge is gone, and all I have to show for it is a red tongue and sticky teeth. Here's a closer look...

They're fairly sized, so you'll get to spend a good ten minutes with each lollipop. More importantly, they have the incredible ability to turn your tongue red. You could argue that every other lollipop on the planet does the same thing whether the company advertises the trait or not, but somehow, it just feels more special this time around. Or, as I would've said a few years back: "specialer."

Shown on the upper left is an unlicked Dead Head -- a crimson creature with a chalky white skull that dissolves the second it hits your tongue. Without that protective skeleton coating, your mouth will slowly morph from its standard pink to a more devilish blood red. Isn't that fantastic? You don't see many other holidays that let you lick skeletons to death while staining your mouth with their blood. This is why X-E has a Halloween Countdown, my friends.