It's the spookiest dagger in the land. The "Bloody Blade," boasting a "unique design that allows blood to flow from the handle to the blade," seemed like a steal with its four dollar price tag. It wasn't until later that I performed a full investigation, revealing the stupid thing to be stupid. It's not that the gimmick doesn't work -- it works quite well, actually -- but all points of realism are lost in a semi-translucent "blade" that has never and will never look anything but phony phony phony. I've never heard of a murderer who used see-thru knives, and as much as I want to like a device that gurgles around so much red liquid, I just can't find my smile with this one. Actually, I just looked at it again, and I guess it's pretty cool. Forget everything I said. Best toy knife ever.

Follow the directions for a surprise! Once you flip the thing around a few times, the "blood" becomes looser and swishes around the knife a lot more quickly. The low price might lead you to believe it's either small or of inferior quality -- not so. From handle to death tip, it's about a foot long, and the Bloody Blade didn't fall apart even after repeated attempts to make it do just that by hurling it against the wall. Yeah, it was a slow night.

I think the real problem here lies in the fact that there's not much you can actually do with the Bloody Blade. Unless a kid has only a passing interest in looking like a real killer this Halloween, they're not going to want to carry around a see-thru knife. Yeah, sure, maybe a handful of 'em will, but those are the idiot kids and I'd gladly make a note of their names before conducting any kind of survey so I know not to count their piteously ignorant views. Those fools. It's not a great "toy" either, because no matter how glorious a fake knife might seem on paper, it's not the kind of thing someone plays with for any considerable length of time. It's a gag; a minute diversion filled with nontoxic Kool-Aid.

But I think I'm over it.

If you're wondering why I'm all red and dirty, you should probably read the next entry...