I've never been a particularly devoted fan of mummies, at least when compared to most of horror's other luminaries. I'm not really sure why that is; he's inherently spooky, he's based on something that has very real life ties, and he's able to kill people by strangling them or cursing them. These are the makings of a fabulous monster, but if I had to take a stab at my misgivings, I'd say that it's the heapload of really lame cartoon mummies I've had to endure over the years. Few animated mummies have survived without being stereotyped as inconsequential idiots, so when you pit the guy against Dracula or even the famously stupid Frankenstein, he comes up a little short. Further proof of his poor treatment by modern society: while Frankenberry and Count Chocula continue to delight kids, their old pal "Fruity Yummy Mummy" remains a shafted cereal icon of the past. In an effort to remove some of the Mummy's pock marks, here's a look at some cool ass Halloween candy based around his legend.

One's a gummy, the other's chocolate. You get the best of both worlds. Mummies are giving.


First up, the "Gummy Mummy." I found this beauty in a local card store, and was taken aback both by it's "50% off" sticker and the fact that the gummy is "dazzlin' blue raspberry" flavored. Arriving in a plastic sarcophagus, the gummy itself is extremely stretchy and easily more tart than a raw lemon. This is one of those "wet" gummies -- more like a pre-sucked gummy worm than a Swedish Fish. The true selling point is the toy sarcophagus itself, which you'll likely hold on to for a whole lot longer than the HOLY GAWD IT'S TART candy.

Definitely cool, and they come in all sorts of assorted wacky flavors. The colors of the gummies and plastic cases correspond with the flavors, so if you're down with eating something more lemony than blueberry, you're granted a bright yellow gummy. The choice is yours. Speaking of "yours," know what rhymes with it? "S'mores."


Yes, Mummy-themed S'mores candy. It's an interesting design, to say the least. To say the most, it looks positively nothing like a mummy, unless this was assumed to be a mummy after a moose shit all over it. With marshmallow and graham cracker innards, the beast is topped off with a generous amount of milk chocolate, snugly wrapped in a foil wrapper featuring a green-headed mummy stalking his prey. While it's a bit disheartening that the candy looks as much like a pro-wrestling championship belt than it does a mummy, at least it tastes pretty good. Both the S'mores and the Gummy Mummies are obviously here for the Halloween season only, and considering that most of the stores have already begun swapping out the spooky decor for Santa Claus and his merry reindeer, you better act quick. Once they're gone, you'll have to wait a whole year to taste their glory. Do you really want to go through that?

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