The Halloween season knew no bounds this year, even savaging the normally cheerful world of breakfast cereals with the macabre return of Count Chocula's vacationing pals, Franken Berry and Boo Berry. More brands followed suit -- we've already taken a look at Freaky Froot Loops, and today, another cornerstone of day-starting nutrition sold its soul to the devil. Cocoa Krispies traded in all senses of tradition for piles of spooky marshmallows and a demonic new title: "Kooky Cocoa Krispies." These aren't your grandmother's bowls of chocolate sweetened rice. Unless your grandmother is from Hell.

Oddly, I didn't notice this bad boy until very late in the season -- there was only about a week left till Halloween, and they'd only just hit the shelves. I can't say if that's a universal thing, but my grocery store is usually up to date with the silly promotions. I'm guessing that Kooky Cocoa Krispies didn't enjoy a particularly stellar run, as kids had at least three weeks to eat all of the other Halloween-themed cereals; more than enough time to get absolutely sick of it. Sucks for Kellogg's, but maybe not for you. In a post-Halloween world of super clearance discounts on anything having to do with the holiday, these should be readily available with a substantial markdown. The only thing better than buying a box of chocolate death is being able to say that you got it for a song.


Snap, Crackle and Pop jumped into the spirit of the season face-first, each donning different incredibly stupid Halloween costumes. Snap is some sort of Elven bandit, Crackle's a witch, and Pop's a pitiful combination of Frankenstein and a hotel bellhop. I wouldn't be so upset over the costumes if they didn't look so damn proud of 'em. That's what happens when so few of the cereal mascots dress up -- the contenders really slack off.

The boxback feature the Rice Krispies "Dingy Dungeon;" a series of puzzles and brainteasers meant to entertain kids who just weren't amused enough by milk that gradually morphed from white to brown. Highlights include the "Weird Word Search," "Cryptic Crossword," and "Stone Wall Maze." Lowlights include the fact that the answers are printed inside the box, meaning that if you wanted to know the solution of Crackel's "Rotten Riddles," you had to rip it apart and store the remaining cereal in one of those glass jugs. Then you'll start worrying about ants potentially infesting the jug, leaving you with a big pile of Kooky Cocoa Krispies that you will never ever eat. It's a terrible process -- worse than gutting a big fish who just ate children.


I'll assume that everyone knows what regular Cocoa Krispies are like, but for the "Kooky" variety, they've added marshmallow ghosts and masks. Though not the exact texture, the finished product is very similar to Count Chocula. Almost too similar. I guess that's why none of the trolls on the box dressed like Dracula -- they knew they were treading into "obvious rip-off" territory. Who knew they'd realize something like that? I always pegged Snap and Pop as retards. Crackle's a bit smarter, but only because he's proven himself capable of speaking two-syllable words without the aid of a group chorus.

You can't say the same for Snap or Pop. You can't say much at all for Snap and Pop.

Everybody hates Snap and Pop.

BACK TO THE COUNTDOWN!