When I was out trick-or-treating with friends during childhood, there was a certain social structure and etiquette involved in how we responded to the loot we begged for. If you got something like a Blow Pop or a full-sized candy bar, it was time to break out the "that's awesome," or as it was at the time, "that's mint!" If you got something like a nickel or a Mary Jane, you were to complain about it endlessly, acting as personally offended as possible. For these special hours, your stature was judged not only by your costume, but how you took to the different treats thrown into your sack. In some cases, you had to feign disappointment even if you liked what you'd been given. Generic caramels might've made some of my friends' mouths water, but they could never let the rest of us know that. My guilty pleasure? Little baggies of Crayola crayons.

I was thrilled to see that the things still existed -- Crayola's "Halloween Treat Pack" seems like salvation for those who don't want to poison the neighborhood children with unhealthy candy, and despite the many complaints such folks are sure to receive by the town trick-or-treaters, what's wrong with a few free crayons? Haven't you kids ever been to Red Lobster? What else are you supposed to color those placemats with? Besides, it's always nice to have a little variety in those Halloween candy sacks. When you finally got back home, what's the first thing you always did? Separated your bounty by category! You had your chocolates, your sugary sweets, lollipops -- and then a pile reserved for "curiosities," like paper-wrapped popcorn balls and yes, crayons. It made the haul seem that much more impressive.


There's only three crayons in each pack, and each pack contains the same three colors: purple, green and yellow. Not the three I'd personally choose, but before you get too upset, check this out: they've renamed the colors to fit in with the holiday...


That's right! "Monster Green," "Midnight Gloom," and "Glowing Eyes Yellow." I can't tell you how much this improves the assortment. In my three years of writing 3,000-word articles better served for a third that length, I've learned just how far adjectives can take you. Crayola proves my point. Yellow sucks, but "Glowing Eyes Yellow?" My new favorite crayon.

Course, there's not much you can actually do with three crayons in these colors. I gave it a shot -- here's the best I could come up with:


I'm not sure what I was really going for, but the finished product looks like a caricature of Seth Green after getting waffled in the face with a skillet. I'd feel accomplished if I was the only person who ever drew that, but something tells me I'm not. Oh well, I still like the crayons. They're not as important as the pumpkin-carving ceremonies or the annual showing of "Garfield's Halloween Adventure," but from where I sit, they've always helped make the holiday feel a bit more special. THEY'RE IMPORTANT CRAYONS, REALLY!

BACK TO THE COUNTDOWN!