Kickin' Kiwi-Lime Kool-Aid:
I knew from the start that I'd have some trouble with liquid kiwi, but make no mistake, "Kickin' Kiwi-Lime" is one of the most beloved Kool-Aid flavors ever, according to some online poll twelve people took back in 1997. A founding father of the subspecies of Kool-Aid collectively known as "Island Twists," the mixture of green fruit and green fruit is, of course, very very green.
And what's an "Island Twist," you ask? Nothing really -- they just wanted to give the ragtag bunch of fruit medley flavors a nice official title to score their business cards with. Despite the provocative tropical luring, Island Twists were strictly for risk-takers. We know what single fruits taste like, but it's never easy to guess how two or more will taste all mashed together in powder form.
Of all the outfits I've seen the Kool-Aid Man don, this is one of the most offensive. Casual to the core, his poorly matched digs include lime green swim trunks that beg a very important question: How can the Kool-Aid Man swim? Wouldn't he lose his necessary juicy head stuff? Wouldn't that hurt him?
As far as taste goes, part of me understands why so many lay tribute to Kickin' Kiwi-Lime: It's basically an unfrozen green Flavor-Ice. Everyone's second favorite, next to red, in the days before blue.
Another part of me thinks that, should the former lovers of Kickin' Kiwi-Lime be given another chance to taste the drink they champion, they'd spit out their liege and ask the world: "Why? Why did I ever drink this?"
I can't speak for the world. Perhaps chicken tastes different to me as it does to you, so on, so forth. Look, we've had this ungodly pitcher of Kickin' Kiwi-Lime in the fridge for about a week now, and even in the absence of anything else to drink save for plain old tap water, I couldn't bring myself to marry another glass of it. I sensed no traces of kiwis or limes, instead confident that I was drinking...well, a bunch of slit-open-and-poured unfrozen Flavor-Ice packets. It just don't work. At least the color is interesting.
--
Matt
