Man-O-Mango-Berry Kool-Aid:
Sometimes, the Kool-Aid Man likes to take risks. We've safely established that the guy's fully capable of creating works of art with his drink mixes, but here's the thing about works of art -- you can't make a dozen twins. You've got to experiment. You've gotta break your own molds, RE!invent, RE!imagine, RE!everything. When the Kool-Aid Man hits the lab, you never know what he'll come out with next. Most of the time, it's a successful venture. Most of the time, he delivers to the world, our world, a Kool-Aid flavor so beautiful and delicious that freaks will be paying tribute to it decades later. Other times, he comes up a little short and sleeps with his head buried in a teary pillow. Introducing, Man-O-Mango-Berry Kool-Aid.
Simple fact is, Man-O-Mango-Berry only has even its
limited notoriety because it's the big, butchy sister of
Kickin' Kiwi-Lime. They arrived simultaneously in 1995, along with a third sibling who in time built his
own reputation -- but we'll get to him in another entry. Man-O-Mango rode Kickin' Kiwi-Lime's coattails like a remora on a shark. Like the fish, nobody would even remember Man-O-Mango-Berry's name if it didn't luck out with the company it kept.
I wouldn't be so ticked if the stuff was good, but it ain't. Even the powder smells funky, and don't tell me that it's due to age, because even the packet seen in the
Raspberry review -- a true Golden Girl -- didn't smell this awful. Almost inviting with its promises of tropical fruits, Man-O-Mango-Berry is a tough cookie to figure out. I'm not even really sure what color the package is. Why does this Kool-Aid fail? It wants to be everything.
It wants to be everything to compensate for its shortcomings against Kickin' Kiwi-Lime. There it is, I said it, it's out there. And I don't even
like Kickin' Kiwi-Lime. These Island Twists are now 0 for 2.
The color is...okay, I guess. Just a flat orangey pink -- we've seen it before, we'll see it again. The strongest coup is its scent after being mixed --
that's good. Still, when push comes to shove and glass comes to lips, the aftertaste will have you believing your gracious host substituted powdered tiger ass for sugar. Powdered tiger ass...it's not something I'm a fan of.
There's only one man who would
dare give me the mango / raspberry.
--
Matt
