Orange Kool-Aid:
My relationship with orange-flavored things: Strange. I'll never, under any circumstances - even at gunpoint - pick something orange-flavored. At the same time, I don't hate artificial orange flavors in the way I do artificial grape or many other artificial artificials, artificials, I can't stop sayng artificial. For whatever reason and despite five star reviews on Travelocity, I just have some mental block that keeps me from exploring the Land of Orange.
Going out on a limb, I'm gonna say that I'm not alone. Surely there's plenty of you out there - people who like orange, but can't bring themselves to consciously choose it. Why? Why must we ostracize the orange? Can Kool-Aid end this twisted phenomenon?
Orange Kool-Aid is one of the originals, arriving in a decade that certainly appreciated the flavor a heck of a lot more than we do today. When the powdered mix debuted, orange had to be considered an exotic treat, at least in as far as drinking and eating things that weren't literally fruit. You know that sudden surge of pseudo-intellect you snatch whenever boysenberries come up in a conversation? Your grandparents felt the same way about oranges. This is probably complete bullshit, but no documentation exists to support a contrary case, so I win.
Course, orange in of itself isn't a particularly enthralling fruit. The Kool-Aid Man knew he had to up his own personal fashion ante to capture attention with the otherwise bleak packet art, doing so with the classic combination of blue jeans and a blouse converted from a pride flag, which isn't so much a social statement but really just an illustration of how much the Kool-Aid Man loves rainbows of color. It's why he got in the business.
Having tried a couple of different "versions" of Orange Kool-Aid from various decades, it's safe to say that it's one of the most evolving flavors of the lot. In its original incarnation, the theme was more of an orange cream. With the packet shown above, either from the late `80s or very early `90s, the intent seemed to be reproducing the exact flavor of, say, Orange Slice.
The color is gorgeous -- an absolutely perfect orange that'd do wonders for a Halloween party, and the scent is an equally delightful tribute to Sunkist. As far as taste goes...well, they came this close to making Kool-Aid taste like carbonated orange soda, but there's some kind of weird aftertaste that's neither cola-like nor kool. It's not to the point of being "bad," but I think it's one of those aftertastes folks won't allow more than three or four experiences with. By the fifth time you force your tongue to deal with it, your tongue's gonna rebel, put on a black tongueband and kick the shit out of your drink-pushing hands. At least you'll have a story to tell.
--
Matt
