X-Entertainment!

Switchin' Secret Kool-Aid:
(3/29/06) While it's only natural that people would consider the Kool-Aid flavors of their childhood as being the best of the lot, there's no denying that Kool-Aid has gotten more and more gimmicky with age. It's nearly rare to find a flavor with a one word name; it's almost becoming rare to find a Kool-Aid flavor name that even remotely describes what you'll be drinking. Case in point, from a short while back: "Switchin' Secret." A Kool-Aid flavor sold on the merits of being confusing!

It's a "Magic Twist," and it lives up to its caste's credo. Switchin' Secret, dressed in mysterious packaging with a Houdini version of the Kool-Aid Man, sought to drive drinkers wacka wacka by refusing to tell them what the flavor actually was. Instead, that's the whole game -- the powder's orange, but it changes color in water, but the color it changes into does not reflect the flavor of the Kool-Aid, but, but, but, and what we end up with is a Kool-Aid with a shitload of buts. As far as "everyday Kool-Aid flavors" go, Switchin' Secret switchin' sucks. Still, as a curiosity -- as something the children and I cannot pass in a grocery store without needing to know what was what -- it's a must-try-once sitch that guarantees a more pronounced sense of intrigue than any other drink mix powder in history has ever delivered. When you make most Kool-Aid flavors, that's all you do. You make Kool-Aid. With Switchin' Secret, you call your buddies, tell them to bring their cameras and break out the clean tablecloth for the hottest show on Earth. So take off all your clothes.

The powder is orange, but once it hits water, it's one of the wildest color-changing drink mix instances ever as everything goes green, and you think to yourself, "I used to want to be a scientist, the kind who would know just how this miraculous thing could possibly happen." But you're not a scientist, so you just giggle and play a celebratory round of air guitar. Orange powder turning green in water? That's some hot shit. So take off all your clothes. I'd tell you more, but my digital camera has the ability of recording poor quality videos that make for perfect poor quality animated gifs. It wants a turn.

While the powder was a yucky color to start off with and the liquid version only follows suit, it's worth noting that out of all of the Kool-Aid flavor powders that change color in water, Switchin' Secret's Super Show is the most dramatic. The funny thing is, nobody really hardcore reads these Kool-Aid reviews, so I can say that something like that is actually "worth noting" when I'm only really noting it to fill up space. Akalskakl sskd jsj sjd jsljdlsjd. sdlkskd adkak skldl sk skdsl slkwe iw woe iwo woeowie wei woi ewoi woie ow te0 te0t er e0te e0 tet e0el el e lep lepre i am the leprechaun.

After all of the twisting magic, you're left with a pretty putrid green-colored Kool-Aid. Sure, it doesn't look too much different than Lemon-Lime's color, but here's the thing: It doesn't taste like Lemon-Lime. It doesn't taste like sour grape, or watermelon, or sour apple, or any other artificial flavor that'd formally fit into the Green Category. It's Strawberry, dammit. It's fucking Strawberry. Green Strawberry Kool-Aid, and I have to keep reading that over and over again because it looks like it cannot possibly be grammatical. Green Strawberry. Why I oughta. I don't dig it. I'm not opposed to green Kool-Aid, and I like Strawberry Kool-Aid. I just can't have them mashed and married like this -- it's too disjointed, and just saying that makes me picture Kool-Aid Man with a torn ACL.

On the other hand, my favorite Kool-Aid flavor ever is a mix of cherries and bananas and fronted by a pink shark wearing jam shorts. To each his own. If you're down with Switchin' Secret, drink up, and don't worry. I won't hold yours against you if you don't hold mine against me.

By the way, I'm not guessing that it's strawberry flavored. Says so right on the package. In scrambleform.