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Presented by Matt on 04/05/00

In my continuing mission to prove to you all that is the easiest place to make money on the planet, I'm about to present another one of my infamous eBay ads. If you missed the first one, click here.

So yeah, last time around Corporate Viscera's bad day brought in the bucks. Now I'm gonna show you something even more ridiculous - something no one with an ounce of willpower would buy.

The Green Bamboo Mystery Peanut. Bear in mind, this is the exact copy of the ad used on eBay. This is what people were trying to actually fucking buy.

Looks innocent, doesn't it? Nuh uh. I'm going to tell you a story, and this one might not have a happy ending, so be forewarned. Picture it, I'm wandering around Wildwood, NJ last night, drunk off my face (this is socially acceptable during summer months on the boardwalk there, apparently) and I stumble into one of the many souvenier shops across the boardwalk.

Now admittedly, I was in a bad mood. I was probably looking for trouble, and I found it--this item is trouble personified.

Let's take a more in-depth look....

There it was. Looks pretty calm, right? Look closer. That's obviously a peanut, why on Earth would a big plastic peanut be inside of a package only says 'Green Bamboo'? What could this mean??! And what's with the forest setting? What's the correlation between a peanut, a forest, and this mysterious 'Green Bamboo'. My interest was piqued.

Upon closer inspection by myself at this particular souvenier shop, I noticed a picture of a weird tiger on the package. Again, I was at a loss. So we had a forest, a peanut, a tiger, and we're calling it 'Green Bamboo'? WTF?! It was also at this time that I noticed the peanut could be opened. Would anything be inside this enigmatic peanut? Perhaps a tiger doll? At this point, Rubik's Cube seemed like 2+2, and trying to figure out this mystery without help was driving me mad. I had to buy the Green Bamboo Peanut.

So there it was. Six full inches of peanut mania. I sat back and gazed with wonderment for a moment, as this truly was the mystery of the century. Let's pick everything up to speed here. We have a package with a forest background, the only words being on it are 'Green Bamboo'. We have a electronic tiger pictured on the package as well. And finally, we have a 6" plastic peanut. What could be inside this peanut to tie the mystery together? What is the one missing element which connects all these eccentric ingredients????

Imagine my face when I saw this. I opened my precious peanut to find not one, but TWO mysterious frogs. But that's not the best part--one of them ribbits and bounces on his lilypad electronically! Then we have, in clear view, the big red button which stops the frog's motion. No attempt to hide this hideous red button was made by the Green Bamboo Peanut's creator, nor was any thought to continuity given: the background under the frogs isn't of a swamp, but rather what appears to be the entrance to a cemetary or monument in the forest. WHAT THE HELL DOES ALL THIS MEAN??!??!?!?!!?!?!? We've got Green Bamboo, crazy tigers, giant plastic peanuts, unspoken forests, electronic frogs, big red buttons AND nonsensical backdrops!

I don't want this thing in my house. I don't care if it gets a penny or a million, the winning bidder takes it home. Non-payment will result in double-negative feedback, because I'll be really ticked if I have to spend anymore time with this devious thing than I have to. If you've got the brainpower to figure this one out, get bidding. But I'm warning you...trying to figure out what it means almost drove me off the edge....when it comes to the Green Bamboo Mystery Peanut, tread carefully.

20.00. For this fucking monstrosity that came direct from a 99 cent store. There were hundreds of 'em. Who would've known playing the peanuts would be easier than playing stocks?

I've got some more ads from my illustrious eBay career lying around somewhere. You wouldn't believe some of the other scams I've pulled off. But, if you're looking to make a quick buck, go check them out. Only place on Earth where you can sell a quarter for a dollar.

- Matt