THE TIME HAS COME!!! The Countdown To The New VISCERA Millenium is OVER...and may we present to you...a story like none other...a tale that will forever change the lives of Family Viscera...a legend that will touch your heart...your soul...and if we're lucky...your wallet...
--------

Now, onto the story. Grandma Viscera...mother to all the Viscera Children, misses her first born, the famously infamous VISCERA MAN....now if you'll recall, Viscera Man was the first to brave the icy clutches of eBay and move away from home...and we never saw him again. Others have come and gone, most notably his brother, Johnny Corpse...his evil cousin, Vampire Bobby, and his cheap tramp lover, Viscerie! But it's been MONTHS upon MONTHS since we've seen or heard from the legendary Viscera Man....and Grandma Viscera misses her favorite son....and there was only one entity who could help her in her quest...

Grandma Viscera sought the help of Coconut Jones, a sort of authority on Visceral wherabouts. Coconut Jones, never one to directly answer a question, first told Grandma Viscera the plot to every episode of 'Growing Pains'. Grandma Viscera held her patience together though, and after a great many hours, once again popped the question...

'Where is my boy? Where is Viscera Man?'

Coconut Jones, impressed both with Grandma Viscera's persistance and her unique style of headgear, sympathized with her situation and told her what she needed to know. Apparently, Viscera Man had gotten himself into a bit of trouble with some hoodlums...and they encased him in a grand statue out in the far East. Grandma Viscera would have to find this statue and crack it open, if she ever wanted to gaze upon the sweet, sweet viscera of her son again...

Asking directions from the locals during her travels, she hoped this was the right path to Viscera. And finally, after weeks of torrid searches and hikes, she came upon...THE STATUE....

Shocked and ecstatic over the possibility of once again seeing her lovely son, Grandma Viscera wasted no time trying to pry the Statue of Solitude open...but to no avail. Grandma Viscera just didn't have the sheer manpower needed to crack open this tomb. So she got to thinking....

After a few hours of pondering the possibilities, Grandma Viscera knew what had to be done. She'd have to swallow her pride and put her own personal feelings aside for a greater good, and contact.....Viscera Man's Lady Friend....Viscerie!!!

Grandma Viscera explained the situation to Viscerie, adding in an apology for running out on her during her time of need with her backup boyfriend, Robert Viscera. Viscerie graciously accepted, and returned with her own apology for stripping down before Grandma Viscera. They both decided to let bygones be bygones, and headed back to the Far East to free the man they both loved so much!

With both their might combined, Grandma Viscera and Viscerie did the impossible...and cracked open the statue!!!!!!!!!!

viscera

Viscera.

VISCERA!!!!!

THERE HE WAS! The Man! The Myth! The Legend! VISCERA MAN IS BACK!!!!!! Family Viscera rejoiced and shared Visceral hugs and Visceral kisses all around!!!

However, this blessed reunion was to be a short-lived one, as Viscera Man came out of his shell with a new purpose. As he explained to his grandmother/mother and former love interest, he had become a new (Viscera) man in that statue. He went on to say that this new purpose meant he had to remain alone, away from the other Visceras'.!

Grandma Viscera and Viscerie didn't get it. What new passion...what new purpose could Viscera Man have that would take him away from them? They demanded an answer....and they got it...

Yes, breakfast. Viscera Man had become obsessed with the idea of breakfast during those long cold months in his statue. He yearned to learn the inner mysteries of breakfast...the secret powers of breakfast.... The unadulterated lust he had for breakfast was unfathomable! Viscerie was quick to ask, horrified, 'Why breakfast?!!'....Viscera Man's response? 'It's the most important meal of the day'.

To further his point, Viscera Man donned a cloak and guitar and broke into song...

Ever apparent that Viscera Man's songwriting skills haven't improved any since his statue imprisonment, Family Viscera went their seperate ways. Viscerie went back to trying to free Robert Viscera from his plastic prison....

Grandma Viscera, devastated by the loss of her son to a breakfast fetish, offered her services to Dr. Viscera, and allowed herself to be cloned....with all these Grandma Visceras running around...who knows what kind of devilish crimes will be committed!

But, back to the case at hand...Viscera Man. This Is Your Chance!!! A ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity to own the ORIGINAL Viscera Man -- the action figure/evangelist who has started A PATH OF DECADENCE AND DESTRUCTION here on eBay -- this is more than just a toy.....this is a HISTORIC COLLECTIBLE!!! Oh, and PS--that's Viscera Man above....yes, you'll get him...but that's not all you'll get!!!