It’s interesting how things fall into your hands when you’re an all-powerful X-E staff member. I came across a diary that was kept by the Ironhide back in 1986. In case you aren’t aware, Ironhide served as the Autobot’s head of security and was labeled as Optimus Prime’s personal bodyguard. Yeah, the job sounds pretty important, but if you’ve ever watched the show you’d know that ol’ Ironhide was pretty damn useless. I think it was around season two when he wrote these entries.

May 12th, 1986
I’ve decided to start writing a journal. Its a journal. Not a diary. Today Wheeljack and I were badly damaged by the Insecticons. It’s the first action I’ve seen in months. I doubt Prime will let me go out to battle again until I’m fully repaired. I have to go now, get more repairs done.

May 14th, 1986
Today Prime Told me that we’re going back to Cybertron due to the best interest of the people of Earth. Something doesn’t seem right. I was talking with Bumblebee and Blaster today about how Prime always makes us stay behind at the base. They think it’s a bunch of bullshit too.

May 15th, 1986
Just as I had figured. Us leaving for Cybertron was a ploy of the Decepticons. We’re back on Earth. No thanks to me since I’m stuck with ‘security’. Since when did Prime need a bodyguard? Man what I wouldn’t give to see a little more action. I can’t believe the Mainframe decided to make me a minivan. A minivan for christ’s sake! Well, at least I’m not a Boom Box…

May 18th, 1986
Today Megatron made New York City into a steel city and disassembled Prime. We spent all day driving around the city looking for pieces of Prime. God this job sucks.

May 20th, 1986
I’m seriously thinking about leaving this job and maybe moving to Tahiti or something. Prime says I’m a valued asset to the group but I think he’s just bullshitting me because he doesn’t want me to start some kind of mutiny. I wouldn’t be surprised if I have these thoughts erased by the mainframe tomorrow. I gotta write them down now before I forget them.

May 21st, 1986
Here is a picture of me with some people I know! Gosh I love being an Autobot! Those pesky Decepticons can go chew on a microchip for all I care! I wrote some haikus about being and Autobot in the back of my diary. I’ve decided to call it a diary. I don’t care if it sounds more girly than a journal. Oh yeah, I’m not mad at Prime anymore.

May 23rd, 1986
I was just reading some old entries in here. I’m pretty sure Prime erased my memory banks of all spite towards him. I can’t let him know how I found out about this. I don’t want anyone to find my diary. They’ll deactivate me for sure. I had better just act stupider than normal from now on.

May 26th, 1986
I think my plan of acting stupid is working. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Eject and Grand Slam and the other tapes have been reading my diary. They keep talking about haikus. I’ll bet those little jackoffs think the haiku section in the back of my diary is really funny. I’m gonna go smash them.

May 26th, 1986 - Later
Blaster stopped me from smashing his stupid tapes. I hate that guy.

May 29th, 1986
I was bored today so I went out on reconnaissance with Powerglide. God he never shuts up about Prime. Prime this, Prime that. What a bunch of crap.

July 8th, 1986
Sorry I haven’t written in a while. A lot has been going on… uh.. I’m not mad at Prime anymore. It still sucks being a minivan though.

Unfortunately the diary ends there. Apparently Ironhide wasn’t responsible enough to keep a diary and actually write in it every day. I can’t blame the guy. Who the hell can keep a diary for more than a few weeks anyway?