 My sister and her family just got back from Disney World, and that's what inspired this post. Her and her husband took their kids to what's heralded as the greatest kids' place on Earth. A truly positive influence...just angelic. Or not? So yes, while she was gone I was doing some research of my own. They came over today shilling ceramic Donald Ducks to get over with the family, but I protested. Donald Duck? Mickey? Disney? These aren't good-natured characters, my friends. These are tools of pure evil. Yes, it's true. Walt Disney's movies, universally, have two things in common: 1.- Wonderful catchy tunes. Now, I know what you're thinking. I'm just making this up in the hopes to be funny. Unfortunately, that's not the case. Everything I'm about to tell you...I can back it up with proof. Seems there's a few websites out there who agree with me that Disney is evil, so I'm taking the liberty to steal their graphics and solidify the point. Disney is just...no good.  Case 1: Donald Duck Is A Racist You have no idea how much this one saddens me. I'm a huge mark for Disney waterfowl. I think I'm the only person on the planet who'd spend a night forming a Darkwing Duck picture gallery. Donald was always my favorite. Not anymore. Now I look at him as nothing more than a big-billed bigot. Why? Well, Donald showed his true colors in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Remember that scene where him and Daffy were fighting in the piano room? Daffy tells Donald he's 'dispicible', and how does Donald respond? No, you didn't hear wrong. You just heard the more-caucasian duck call Daffy the infamous 'N' word. It happens so quick you might've missed it in the movie, but now that you know the god awful truth...let me ask you: are you still planning to name your first-born son 'Don' as homage to the famous Disney duck? I certainly hope not. You'd only be supporting racism. Case 2: The Lion King I'm thoroughly convinced that a pre-requisite for becoming a Disney animator is being a complete pervert. I won't get into that whole giant dick on the cover of The Little Mermaid, that's old news. But this one seems to have slipped by the general population.  Look closely at those stars. Don't see anything? Well, with the use of our special detective kid (Jasc Paint Shop), I can show you exactly what's going on in the cosmos.  Sex. Sex in the stars. Subliminal messaging at it's finest. This is why we're all such nymphomaniacs. Disney movies. There's shit like this in every movie! Case 3: The Rescuers Now this one is the best of all. There's no guessing games here -- take a look.   For those of you having trouble trying to figure this one out, that's a picture of a topless woman in the window. No, I'm not kidding. No, I didn't insert that myself using my clever abilities of cut-and-paste. That's really in the movie. Cool, huh? So while these pretty little mice are carriaging around in their sardine box, some girl's flashing her tits to the crowd. Positive message to the children? You be the judge. So there we have it. Three clear cut points that prove that Disney is really an organization of apocalyptic evil not unlike Cobra or the Parents Television Council. But I guess I shouldn't complain too much. It's not like they've had their characters show off their genitalia or anything.  Oops. The people on the editing floor of Disney Studios are either more careless than the people in charge of continuity on Saved by the Bell, or they're encouraging their animators to include as much raunch as possible. And to think fine citizens like Martin Lawrence have to fight to get their movies lowered to an 'R' rating. If anyone needs to be investigated for lude content, it's Disney. And above all else, Daisy Duck's bare ass has been on screen more times than Heather Graham's. You tell me where the 'children's movie' label is justified. Quack. - Matt
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