Leia: Hello readers, Princess Leia here. I'm X-E's newest journalist. Along with my cohort, Snake Eyes, we're going to give our all in the hopes to bring you the most exciting, controversial stories of all time.

Snake Eyes: That's precisely right, Leia. Together, we're going to prove to you readers out there that we're the best damn news go-getters in the world. There's no stopping us. Nobody can resist our pressing press passes. Hey Leia, try to say that three times fast.

Leia: Pressing press passes - pressing press passes - pressing pressing pass - FUCK! Good one, Snakey.

Snake Eyes: Hey, what can I say? I've got the broadcast journalism skill of a Barbara Walters, and the wit of a Willie Aames. Anyway, let's move on to our top story - Rabbits: A One-Species Mater?

Leia: That's right, Snake Eyes. Today we're going to find out if those ever-loving bunnies only like to breed with their own, or if they'll go for anything they can mount their lucky feet on!

Snake Eyes: We've decided to use our little Furby friend here as the guinea pig in this little operation.

Leia: That's right, and we'd just like to thank him for going along with the project. He's providing a great service to...hm...someone...somewhere. See any rabbits around, Snakey?

Snake Eyes: Look! There's one over there! And it's a swishy one! It's time to find out whether or not that rabbit will try to fuck our little Furby friend here.

Leia: Indeed it is, Snake Eyes! So, Furby, you stay here, Snakey and myself will move to the sidelines and commentate on the action as it happens.

Leia: Okay, here we see the rabbit sniffing the Furby inquisitively. You've gotta wonder what's going through his mind right now.

Snake Eyes: True that, Leia. It could be anything...I mean, for all we know, that rabbit can be trying to figure out how to get the bugs out of the hubble telescope in his little head right now...folks, we just don't know! But it looks like the moment of truth is upon us!

Leia: Wait a second, we've got a little action going on here...it's hard to tell what...keep those cameras rolling..

Snake Eyes: I don't want to jump to any conclusions here just yet...but it looks like --

Snake Eyes: Ewwwwww... Now that's just sick.

Leia: Don't just stand there, Snake Eyes! Get that thing off of him before it kills him!

Snake Eyes: Okay you, move along. Party's over. You've had your fun. Go find someone else to spread your rabbits seeds on. Be gone!

Snake Eyes: Well, there you have it folks.

Leia: Indeed. Conclusive proof that rabbits will breed with just about anything. We got the scoop, Snake Eyes!

Snake Eyes: Damn straight we did! We da best! We'd just like to thank the camera crew for capturing all the action, and of course the Furby for sacrificing itself for the sake of a story.

Leia: Next time on our show, we're going to be interviewing golf stars from across the nation, trying to find out if it's really true - if they're all really martian jackalopes from Pluto disguised as sportmen. For Snake Eyes and the X-E News Crew, this is Princess Leia, signing off!