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Heathers - Teenage Suicide...Don't Do It!
Matt - 05/12/00


Odd that I've gone this long on the site without covering this flick, but since it's 5:30, and I can't find any pics from The Ewok Adventure, it seems a good time.

Heathers in it's theatrical release was a bit before my time. When it came out, I was probably a little more concerned about finding the ultra-rare Ray Fillet action figure than making sure I had a cool movie to brag about seeing to my fellow socialites in Junior High.

But that's what we have HBO & video tapes for...and after I spilled my life savings of ten dollars for this one, it soon became my third most-watched film of all time, trailing only behind Return of the Jedi and Transformers.

So what made this movie the 'cult classic' it's become? 'Cult classic'...hmmmm...usually, that's just a way for video marketers to describe a movie that did poorly in the theatres in the hopes you'll be persuaded to buy it. But this one's definitely worth a look. If you look at a lot of the teen/early 20s movies of this generation, you can definitely thank Heathers for a lot of it, which inadvertently begun a whole era of teen angst psychodrama comedies with lots of color coordination.

The plot dealt with Veronica, played by Winona Ryder, dealings & feelings about her friends - the most powerful & evil clique in school, all three of them named Heather. Now that the title makes sense, we can move on. Christian Slater, before he looked like a balding orangutan, gives us our psychotic James Dean character in J.D., an emotionally scarred individual with great knowledge of how to make a trenchcoat work in fashion. Falling for him, she also falls into his world where the ideal situation to make things 'nicer' in school is to eliminate the assholes - including her friends, idiot jocks, and if Veronica isn't careful, even herself.

The charm of this film lies in the fact that it's irrational psychotic ideals are something we've all related to in our more irrational, psychotic moments. Who doesn't want to kill the school superbitch? Who doesn't want to kill the idiot jock who knocks your books on the floor? Veronica, caught up in a web where she doesn't know whether or not to feel proud of guilty about what she's been a part of, eventually realizes the right thing to do...but by that time, it's unclear if she can do it.

The humor in Heathers is fantastically true. The murders, which are made to appear like suicides, become a little media frenzy within the community, where suicide is played off like teen smoking, drug abuse, or any other infraction. 'Teenage Suicide - Don't Do It!', becomes a hit on the radio...school counselors run with the suicide ball to make their careers worthwhile...students lacking in 'coolness' turn to suicide in the hopes to be a part of something the popular kids are doing. The underlying notion here is that our society is stupid enough to make even the worst thing in the world a trivial pursuit if the circumstances allow it. Heathers might be a dark parody, but it definitely has a lot of valid points.


Heathers stars Winona Ryder & Christian Slater, with X-E gallery girl Shannen Doherty as one of those evil, malicious Heathers. It's definitely a fun, smart movie, if you're one of the few who haven't seen it, definitely pick it up. It should be available at most online retailers, or definitely at your video store.

PS - see the movie Jawbreaker? Well, if you liked that abysmal piece of shit movie, you'll love this. And if you, like any normal person would, thought that was the stupidest excuse for a 'cult' movie you've ever seen...you'll still like Heathers.

Ich luge means 'I am lying'...

- Matt
matt@x-entertainment.com