 This Tuesday at 10pm, MTV begins it's forty-third season of it's hit reality television show "The Real World," this year coming from New Orleans. From MTV.com: "See what happens to our newest seven strangers in N'Awlins, the land of vampires, spicy gumbo, and topless Mardi Gras revelry... " Here's the plot: Seven people live together and get filmed all the time. It's really boring and trifling. However, we've all watched it, often entire seasons in one sitting, because MTV has a "Real World Marathon" every two days. The Real World is a lot like "Saved by the Bell," really. We never watched it on purpose, but hell if we haven't seen every episode about a billion times. Also, none of the people are acting on either show. But, since I'm bored and need to post, I've decided to compile my list of the TEN MOST NOTABLE REAL WORLD CAST MEMBERS EVER!!! OMG THIS IS XCITING LOL!!!!!!! 10. EDITORS NOTE: "Top Ten Most Notable Real World cast Members" cannot begin until Swan let's every one of you know....I really HATE this freaking show. It's something nobody watches in it's regular timeslot...I mean, c'mon, you turn to MTV expecting to see Britney's boobs jiggling around and what do you get? That episode of the Real World where Puck wrecks his soapbox derby car. What a fucking idiot that guy was, eh? All right, with that said, we join our regularly scheduled and rushed post already in progress: 9. Eric, from the Real World New York  Eric: AAAAAAAWWWWWWW YEAH WHAT'S UP NEW YORK! PARTY IN THE HOUSE, KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING! YEAH YEAH! Why he's 9: Read that line up there. That's pretty much all he ever said, no matter what the situation called for. He had a pretty interesting gooney love thing for his roommate Julie, but went and messed it all up by making out with every other girl on the face of the planet. He also hosted "The Grind," which made him the stupidest white person alive. I'm serious, I bet Barry Manilow wanted to kick his ass. Best moment: When he finally realized that he wasn't a celebrity and whored himself out to that cheeseball "Best of the 90's" CD infomercial. "Yeah, what the 90's were about were beanie babies, pro wrestling, and supermodels!" Yeah yeah Eric, the party's *really* in the house now. I haven't seen a *party* that TOTALLY EXTREME since the last time my grandpa took a shit in my bathroom. Advice: Hey Eric, the next decade's gonna be all about unemployment. 8. Ruthie, from the Real World Hawaii
Roommates: Okay Ruthie, you got drunk and smashed your car into an orphanage, setting it on fire and killing everyone inside. Best moment: When Ruthie passed out drunk on the first night, and had to be dragged naked into the shower by Amaya. I'm sure I should say something profound here about the dangers of alcohol abuse, but the only thing I could think of is how funny it was to make Undertaker jokes whenever Ruthie's eyes rolled back into her head. Advice: Whatever you do, NEVER CUT RUTHIE. Her blood's acid, like in Aliens. 7. Sharon, from the Real World London Why she's 7: Sharon was like a fictional character come to life. She was a fat black British girl with the temperament of a Teletubbie and the hard-edged realism of Mary Poppins. While her London castmates were away being models or getting their tongues bitten off, Sharon would sit at home and knit, and talk about how much she loved kittens in the confessional booth. I think the most hard-core thing I ever saw her do was jump on the trampoline. Best moment: Yeah, the trampoline thing. And she used to sit a lot. And get "flustered." Advice: MTV should do a follow up on Sharon and see how magical her life in Nardia has been since Real World London. 6. Cowboy Virgin, from the Real World Los Angeles Why he's 6: Oh man, this guy just *oozes* ass kicking. From his frail, southern drawl to his affinity to sing the worst hits of country music to his mullet, Jon made me throw at least seven or eight hunks of my own dung at the television screen. You could've put him in pigtails and had him sing "Good Ship Lollypop" and he wouldn't have been any more hokey.  Jon: Hey Irene, I think I'm falling in love with you. Best moment: Jon's concert! Oh, we're all so proud of you, you can go on God damned Star Search and be just like Uncle Joey from Full House! Whoo whee, we're seven racially diverse strangers brought together by the power of the steel guitar! Wheeeeeeedoggie! Advice: Shut the fuck up. 5. King Hippo, from Mike Tyson's Real-World!!!
Best moment: Most Real World people spend thirty minutes at a time ranting about how they "never got a chance to be with their mother" or how they "are trying to learn to communicate with the people who make the world's differences." King Hippo won't havin' that shit. Aaron: Open up to me, please King Hippo! We're never going to understand where you're coming from if you don't LET US IN! Advice: Stop taping up your bellybutton. And give Don Flamenco some love every once in a while, how bout it? 4. Amaya, from the Real World Hawaii
Best moment: Her ongoing self-abusive relationship with "Colin," a guy so predictable and cheesy that he made Jack Tripper from Three's Company look like fucking Shakespeare. That, and the time she was fucking in the gay guy's room and sent him storming out of the room crying. That was pretty funny. Amaya: Ungh! Ungh! Ungh! Swan's Advice: 1) Just be a lesbian and get it over with, and 2) buy some pants that fit for Christ's sakes. 3. Swan is running out of idea, from Swan's latest XE post. Yeah, okay, so I'm not a comedy genius. Here is a picture of Jeff Hardy from the WWF saving Japanese school children from a bear.  2. Genesis, from the Real World Boston  Why she's 2: Genesis was great because she NEVER DID ANYTHING. She never went on emotional tirades, she never slapped lime diseased people around, nothing. She knew she was a hot lesbian so she stood in the background and sneered at everybody. Cyrus: YO BABY WHASSUP I'M A SMOKE DOG YEAH YEAH Best moment: Genesis telling people on the phone that "maybe she just needs to meet the right kind of guy" and she wouldn't be gay. Ha! That moment alone sent thousands of teenage boys running out into the hills praising Jesus, for they'd just been filled with the hope that MAYBE JUST MAYBE if they stay friends with the gay girls they'll end up in a stank orgy. Advice: Genesis will never be as successful as Phil Collins. 1. Pedro the Loving Homosexual, from the Homosexual But Loving Real World San Francisco Why he's 1: Ah, Pedro. The only cast member in Real World history to:
Pedro is such a fountain of bad taste for a humor columnist that I myself can't even type the hundreds of thousands of possible Pedro jokes. He was flamboyantly gay (down to the knee socks and lisp), he had AIDS, he was always finding something completely trite to complain about, and he married DJ Jazzy Jeff. Making jokes about Pedro is like having sex with Blanche from the Golden Girls. You shouldn't do it, and, if you do, it's not really gonna be that hard. Best moment: Puck scooping out Pedro's peanut butter with his fingers. By looking at Pedro's reaction you'd have thought Puck had sodomized his mother or something. Pedro flipped, screaming out hateful things in Spanish and hateful things in English that were so intelligible that they sounded like they were in Spanish. Pedro: Pah-huck! Why you steeck your fingers in my pee-ah-nut butter? And, of course, they kicked Puck out. If Pedro had left there wouldn't have been a gay guy on the Real World, and our universe would've imploded. Advice: People should really care about one another. Pedro would've never died if Janet Reno hadn't sent that Swat Team in to deport him. Puerto Ricans are people TOO you know. The End. I'm stopping now before it gets worse. Happy minorities, happy happy! Swan
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Why she's 8: Because this is the number of alcoholic beverages that Ruthie consumed per minute on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of the Real World. And I'm not just talking about in clubs and bars. If she wasn't running around bare ass naked or something she was drinking on the beach, drinking at church, drinking on the toilet, whatever. This bitch holds more alcohol than a fucking Miller truck. Ruthie often made big speeches about how she was "living life by her own rules."
Why he's 5: King Hippo wasn't like the rest of the Real Worlders...he mostly stayed to himself, bandaging up his bellybutton and trying on his XXXL trunks. But whenever anybody challenged his integrity or called him a racist, he'd open his mouth hella wide and then WHAM knock them upside their head. WHO CARES IF YOU HAVE LIME DISEASE, YOU DESERVED IT. 
Why she's 4: I picked Amaya for number four because she painfully exemplifies everything that's wrong with America, and, more specifically, modern females. One minute she's really cute and you're staring at part of her hemispheric swingers, when all of a sudden BIGGITY BAM you're being bombarded by crying fits and long, shitty speeches about female empowerment.
1) Get married on the show.