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Mr. T and The Internet...Like Milk and Cereal
liquorhead - 06/10/00

Mr. T and the author in 1992 at the San Diego Comic Book convention. From this point on, liquorhead's mission was clear...spread the word of T!

Few folks have achieved the pop culture Messiah status of Mister T. From cereal, to plastic sprinkler squirt toys, T has dominated our culture in a way that hasn't been seen since Elvis himself walked the earth.

Though out of the public eye for the most part since The A Team was taken off the air (a sad time for all, of course), the internet has helped T rise from the ashes like a black mohawked phoenix, ready to pity any fool who tries to throw jibba jabba in his wake.

One of the most remarkable Mr. T sites, is the near legendary MISTER T ATE MY BALLS designed by Nehal Patel. Consisting of a few divinely inspired pictures of Mister T exclaiming his cravings for testicles, the simple page has generated nearly a million hits since it's inception. With over 200 copycat "Ate My Balls" sites produced as a result, one could argue that this is the most influential website of all time.

"I am the best bodyguard, because I'll take a bullet, I'll take a stab wound, I'll take a hit upside the head; I'm like a Kamikaze pilot; the President got shot because his men relaxed."(Playboy, 1983)

Another incredible Mr. T web phenomenon is the wide variety of "Mister T vs. X" sites out there. The first of which was MR. T vs. SUPERMAN. Just like the "Ate My Balls" blitzkreig, the number of follow up sites started growing like gold chains on T's neck. As of this writing, more than 120 different opponents have faced T's wrath from Menudo, to Britney Spears, to Knight Rider, to Kathy Lee Gifford.

While Regis may be a man of words, T is a man of action

One of the more thorough collection of these Mister T battle sites is Mr. T vs EVERYTHING which every appearance catalogued, including many ignored by Yahoo like T vs. Vanilla Ice, a very X-E friendly T vs. Skeletor, and T vs. The Kool Aid Man. Apparently the only person T hasn't fought is Natalie Merchant. Whoops, looks like someone already did it.

Mr. T has united the web into the friendliest brotherhood of webmasters of all time. Unlike some sites, there's no backstabbing or competition among the T sites. Everyone's just happy to be celebrating all things T.

But the divine influence of T doesn't stop there. Here's even more cool T sites for your viewing pleasure.

BE SOMEBODY OR BE SOMEBODY'S FOOL a guide to a special video T made a while back.  Full of video captures and tons of sound clips, it's the next best thing to owning this tremendous tape.

THE T DANCE If you've seen that annyong Hamster Dance webpage, you'll love this gem.

MAGIC MR. T HEAD Ask the mystic head of T a question, and I pity the fool that don't like his answer.

MR. T SHELL GAME Try your luck and see which shell Mr. T's head is under.

A CRITICAL ANALYSIS OF CLUBBER LANG find out why T was Rocky's greatest opponent of all time(like you had any doubt).

MR. T's K-RAD HOME PAGE Reportedly the first Mr. T page on the internet, ever.  Quite chock full of resources and other jibba jabba.

There's somehing unexplainably beautiful about a Mr. T webpage. No matter how hacked out, crappy, and amateurish they may be, there's something calming and nurturing about them in a way that can only be defined as fatherly.

In a strange way, Mr. T is like a father to everyone, using the web to reach out and help us when we need him, make us laugh when we're down, and giving us fighting techniques aplenty to help us out with all those bullies in our life.

Something tells me as long as there's an internet, Mr. T's gonna be there for us all.


'Cause he's helluva tough. That's why.