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X-E Poll - Best Third Roommate On Three's Company?
Matt - 06/12/00

Well, Homer Simpson was the obvious winner in the finals for the Coolest TV Dad of All Time poll here on X-E. There's no reason to sit here explaining why...after all, this is a guy who gained 70 pounds to get on disability, ate the forbidden donut, and best of all, changed the lyrics of 'Stayin' Alive' to sing a 'Table 5' song at the neighborhood rummage sale.

Homer slaughtered previous victor Al Bundy - 1,162 votes to Al's 498.

To celebrate his victory, I will be uploading two special Homer movie clips onto the Multimedia section later tonight. Stay tuned. Now it's time for...our new poll!

I was watching reruns of Three's Company the other night, and it brought back memories of the eternal debate I've had with dozens of people over the years - who is the best third roommate?

Three's Company was ahead of it's time. Gay jokes and lude sexuality weren't really popular till the 90s, but this show featured them prominently back in a time where the closest thing you'd find to humor on television was someone tripping over a phone cord.

Of course, you had Jack, star of the show. Basically, all he did was try to have sex or try to bake quinches. If he wasn't doing either of those things, he wasn't doing much of anything. It was really odd. Out of the 4,233,644 episodes of Three's Company, at least 98% of them dealt with Jack having to trick some pseudoslut into sleeping with him.

Then you had Janet...I remember when Lucille Ball hosted that Three's Company 'retrospective' episode, and they showed how Janet changed over the years. Unfortunately, the only noticeable change lied in the fact that her hair was more poofy in the earlier episodes. Other than that, she was pretty uniform throughout the series, waving her arms in frustration over Jack losing the rent money, or trying desperately to figure out why on Earth she chose to be a botanist.

Next, you've got Larry. Larry might've been cool back then, but by today's standards he's the guy you warn your children not to take candy from. If you think Jack was bad with the trying-to-sleep-with-women cliche, Larry was infinitely worse. He was the ultimate cliche. Sex-crazed used car salesman with nappy hair. It doesn't get much better than that.

In from there, another battle within the show - you had the landlords. First you had Mr. and Ms. Roper - Mr. Roper being a cranky old guy who liked to wink at the camera a lot. And judging from the show's laugh track, we seemed to really enjoy when he did it. Ms. Roper, on the other hand, was the world's first televised drag queen. She wore hideous make-up, clothes colorful enough to blind a clown, and liked to have sex with Mr. Roper. I can't imagine any females wanting to have sex with Mr. Roper, so she must've been some sixty year old guy thinly veiled as a woman.

After the Ropers were mislead into believing they could have a successful television show on their own, Mr. Furly moved in as landlord. Don Knotts, my brothers! He soon became the star of the show, with the nation cramming to their tv sets every week just for a glimpse of Furly holding on to that carousel pole for dear life.

And that brings us to...the third roommates. Here are your choices, remember to vote carefully as your vote will only count once. And this is an important vote...not some senate race you couldn't give a shit about. We're trying to find out which Three's Company cast was the best - so let your voice be heard.

The Competitors:

1.- Chrissy Snow - Chrissy was the original, and I'm sure she'll get many loyalist votes. This was back when Suzanne Somers was hot enough to warrant looking at without feeling guilty. As far as her character went, Chrissy was naive (read: stupid) and liked to laugh like a hyena on occassion.

2.- Cindy - Cindy was Chrissy's cousin who moved in after Chrissy got killed. Actually, Chrissy didn't really get killed, but she may as well have. If you thought Chrissy was dumb, Cindy was twice as bad, and she wasn't half as cute. Basically, she had the hair and the eyes of a hot chick, but everytime I looked at her all I could think about was that Goonie thing from Popeye.

3.- Terri - Terri was my fave. She was pretty, she wasn't stupid, and she wore nurse outfits. Jack didn't like her at first, if you'll recall. He squirted ink all over Terri's shirt to make sure we knew that. But he warmed up to her, just like the rest of us who originally protested the ousting of the Snow family.

So now, it's up to you. The third roommate who gets the most votes will get an X-E gallery. The other two will get made fun of severely. The X-E Poll is available off the main page of this site. Cast your vote!

- Matt