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You, Too, Can Be A Demon On Wheels
liquorhead - 06/26/00

One of the perks of getting your work read by lots of folks on the internet is the endless slew of great "Hey, check out this" emails I get (many of which are virus free).

A couple days ago, someone passed on an eBay item that took every single cool thing I ever wished I could own, multiplied it by 10, and then let it breed like Tribbles for a few months.

It's no secret that the coolest high performance car in any reality is Speed Racer's Mach 5. Not only was it a race car that could out drive anything on or off the road, but it had outstanding pre-Transformer, pre-modern Batmobile, and pre-Gadgetmobile features enough to blow any reckless drivers mind.

The only problem, of course, was that The Mach 5 only existed in animated form. Hell, if you got rich enough you might be able to buy Knight Rider's car, The A-Team Van, or even Green Hornet's Black Beauty, but you'd never be able to buy something like The Mach 5.

Or could you.

You are not looking at a die cast metal toy. This is a fully functional, fully sized, fully "Oh my fucking god I want this!" Mach 5.

A group called the Child Safety Network has put it on eBay to auction off for charity. With the current bid at well over $100,000 and the reserve not met yet, you know it's gonna go for a mint by the time it's over.

Still think it's a fake? Check out these pics.

Though the lovely lady you see here doesn't come with the car, chances are more than likely you could get most any other girl once you start driving this baby down the street.

Though it's not freeway legal, it can drive at 185MPH. Other features include a full leather interior, custom alloy wheels, and a trunk big enough to fit your little brother and his pet monkey.

But can you believe it gets even better than that?

Check out this:

Holy crap! It's got working retractable buzzsaw blades, too! And they didn't stop there. It's got pneumatic auto jacks to really impress the low riders in your neighborhood, a robotic homing pigeon, and even a working navy periscope in the back.

To top it all off, they'll even deliver it to your house with the original voice cast of the cartoon present.

As a special favor to X-Entertainment readers, we ask that you each tell 400,000 people to check out our site, and with the resulting ad revenue, we'll be able to purchase this car, and share it with all readers.

Email me now to get on the waiting list, in the meantime.


PS: No telling how long this will be up on eBay (auction ends 6/28) but CLICK HERE if you'd like to check it out for yourself.