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The Quest For Bulbasaur! Part II
Matt - 06/27/00


Continuing on with our story.... (if you missed the first part, click here)

Finding a Bulbasaur doll turned out to be much harder than I ever thought it would be. So I suggested that Alison seek out some clairvoyance...

There she is! PSYCHIC LADY! I knew this woman had special powers once I saw that her tablecloth was made out of parchment. Her misleading Bradless outfit might defer some potential customers, but we knew she was a force to be reckoned with.

While Alison was in there getting her reading about Bulbasaur, I started snapping away at the shop's various eccentricities....

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Christ. I couldn't tell if this was a psychic's workshop or a Mexican pawn shop. Either way, the sign tells us that Tarot Cards will make a difference. I hope so, because the fucking reading Alison got sure didn't make a difference. Here's a list of the insightful things she was told:

* - Alison asked her a question about a relationship. The woman told her not to worry and that the boy out there (me) and her would be patching things up and getting back to normal real soon. That's fine and dandy, 'cept for the fact that Alison wasn't talking about me and we have no relationship to patch up. Strike one against the psychic.

* - The 'psychic' told Alison she was prone to feel 'angry' when she didn't get her way. WOW! I can't believe she knew that! What are the chances?! Why, I bet you can only say that for about 99.999999% of the population. Psychic: strike two.

* - Madame Zelda claimed that Markie Post would soon be a mega-successful sitcom star. I'd rather bet on John Ritter revealing his secret third eye than that one. Strike three, she's out....and still, no sign of Bulbasaur....


The next part of our adventure is something I'll never forget - no matter how hard I try. It was about a year ago today, in fact, that I bought what some of you readers know as the Green Bamboo Mystery Peanut. I got it from Wildwood, and upon realizing it's sheer evil, I hocked it on eBay. The original Green Bamboo post can be found by clicking here, and I suggest you read it before continuing...

Anyways, I'm walking down the boardwalk. And I see it. Yes, it. You know what I'm talking about. Every night for a year I thank the heavens above that I was able to resist the evil grasp of the Green Bamboo Peanut....but there it was...again. As if by some mystical force I couldn't possibly control or comprehend, I was drawn to it like fly johns to a fly whorehouse....

Look at that guy. He may look harmless - but as I've learned, anyone who has anything to do with the legacy of Green Bamboo is sheer evil. What's worse, last year I bought one at a 99 cent store. This year I bought two - at the blasphemous price of 2.99 each!

But I couldn't resist. Who could? These were Green Bamboo Peanuts...and I had to know the answer to the question that had haunted me every night for a year....were they all the same?

Before opening the peanut, I inspected the package. Yep, all the same. Same meaningless tiger, same esoteric title, same forest background. Same everything. But now, the moment of truth was upon us. Last time, I got a bunch of frogs who hung out at a cemetary. This time...my god...who knows what'll be inside this time...

AUGH! It's not the same...it's....it's WORSE! If you can believe this - it actually makes less sense now than before! Instead of frogs hanging around near forests and shit - you've got three baby chickens! WHY?! WHY?!?!?! Why would three chickens be hanging out in a cemetary in a graveyard inside a giant peanut inside a package that has a picture of a tiger on it?!! What the fuck does this all mean?

I bought two. They're both the same. I'll give one of them to someone out there. Someone who sends me the best picture of themself. Get to work, and you can have a Green Bamboo peanut of your very own!

While the whole Green Bamboo thing threw us off, we knew there was still work to be done. We still haven't found Bulbasaur. Luckily, our adventure was about to climax...

CRANES! I hate these fucking games. They are always horribly fixed so that you can't win. Either the claw hand doesn't close until it goes way back up in the air...or in a more likely scenario, doesn't close at all. I must've spent at least 50 dollars this weekend trying to win various things no one in their right mind would want from these stupid crane machines. But this one...had Bulbasaur.

And the gods must've had pity on my poor, fevered soul today...because they let me win him. And it only cost me 50 dollars!

Bulbasaur was mine. A celebration ensued like the world had never seen as I pranced the boardwalk holding my latest and greatest acquisition. Unfortunately, by the time I got home I had a sunburn that made me look 70% Cherokee and a temperature of 102 degrees. My victory was bittersweet, but once I beat this nasty illness, Bulbasaur and I are going out to paint the town red...

The End.

- Matt
matt@x-entertainment.com