In a shocking turn of events this morning, it was revealed that Teddy Ruxpin, the most popular talking bear to never make it out of the 80’s, has turned to the side of evil. Eyewitnesses report that at approximately 8:45 am this morning, six-year-old Jessica Sims of Portland, Oregon was playing with her sister Jamie’s old Teddy Ruxpin doll during morning mass at St. Peter’s Catholic Church. While "communion" was being held at the church, little Jessica begged for her mother to allow her to bring "Teddy" up alongside her. Not wanting to cause a scene, Mrs. Sims obliged.

Jessica brought the doll with her as she followed her mother up to the front of the church. Pastor John H. White says, "I only sprinkled some holy water on the God damn thing…" At the moment of contact between the bear’s plush fur and the Holy water, Teddy Ruxpin sprung to life. Sprouting horns, the bears eves turned a deep red as it began screaming obscenities. Scratching little Jessica’s face and jumping to the ground, the doll then ran down the isle between pews of shocked Christian bystanders.

It made its way to the entrance of the church where it climbed a vat of holy water and then proceeded to urinate into the container. Laughing in a deranged, low-spoken tone, the stuffed bear then made it’s way out into the street where it would terrorize harmless citizens while chanting what was identified as "the official theme-song of Satan."

Evil Teddy ,shown here shooting flames from his ass at a local bike rider, was not reached for comment. Witnesses say that once Teddy made his way into the street, he sprouted wings made of fire and flew into the air. Chaos soon followed as black clouds covered the area while demonic laughter could be heard all over town. After terrorizing citizens for well over twenty minuets, the bear ran at the first sign of police. It has not been seen since.

Portland remains in a somewhat "Armageddonistic" condition while a massive bear-hunt has been issued by police in over a dozen of Oregon’s counties.

X-E will keep you updated as this story unfolds.

Brant
brant@x-entertainment.com