Did you ever wonder just how low George Lucas would sink as far as Star Wars cross-promotion went? We've already talked about the heinous crime that was the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special - and while that was the equivalent of television purgatory - now we move straight to television hell.
What do you get when you mix C-3P0 and R2-D2 with Big Bird? A huge pile of absolute shit. Yes, it's true...Star Wars did meet Sesame Street. The time was 1980 - back when people were still too lazy to complain if the shows on television promoted self-inflicted stab wounds. I guess there's supposed to be all these assorted little lessons and moral virtues for the kiddies to pick up on, but the only thing I got from the two Star Wars/Sesame Street episodes was that acid was twelve times as socially acceptable in 1980 than it was in 2000.
There's Big Bird, with what appears to be a frisbee. Nope, that's a space ship. And don't give me no crap about how there wasn't any special effects back then - they could've done better than this. Let me ask you something - would any kid willingly accept that stupid yellow thing as a space shuttle? Fuck no.
It's also important to note that on the first episode, the Droids arrive by shuttle. In the second, they arrive by bus. But for some reason, the denizens of Sesame Street seem equally as surprised at both.
The Droids show up on Sesame Street, and nobody seems too shocked about it. Hey, who can blame them...they're friends with a giant brown elephant with an SOS pad for skin, a gay couple, and a giant narcissistic bird - all by age 5! They're ready for anything.
Oscar couldn't figure out what the special hologram message was trying to tell him. Oscar wasn't alone. I can't for the life of me figure out what that's supposed to be. I assume it's another Grouch creature, but it looks more like a Christmas tree wearing a clock.
Okay, now we're getting up to the really good stuff. A lot of you probably haven't seen Sesame Street in many years, and have forgotten has ludicrous the dialogue can get at times. Big Bird gets frustrated that R2-D2 can't say 'banana', and begins singing a song about it. No, I'm not kidding. This is the most ridiculous thing you'll ever hear.
Scratch that. This is the most ridiculous thing you'll ever hear. I don't see what kind of moral lesson can be learned from C-3P0's questioning R2-D2 after R2 falls in love with a fire hydrant. I'm telling you....bar none...this is the weirdest thing you'll ever hear. It's like one of your friends can mimic 3P0's voice and has decided to fuck with your head. Only worse.
Catch 3P0's unintentionally funny line - 'It's a fire hydrant. Fireman like to stick their hose into it and eventually squirt water into it.' Hey, 3P0, I'm pretty sure that's what R2 had in mind.
Sometimes it's really frightening to see just how little thought goes into our media at times. I refuse to believe the nonsense that went on in the Star Wars/Sesame Street episodes was actually scripted. How could anyone possibly think a 5 minute song about the phonetics of the word 'banana', or robot/hydant lust, be good children's television? This is why my generation is so fucked up.
Thankfully, X-E savior Dr. Rocket has uploaded the entire frigging thing for you to see....it's a whopping 35 MB of stupid sci-fi, but for those of you who have to see just how bad things can get for yourself, check it out.
It's fucking awful.
But it's Star Wars. Enjoy.