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An Exclusive Interview With Ninja Iceman
liquorhead - 07/16/00

Iceman was one of the founding members of The X-Men. His special mutant power allows him to turn into solid ice, and covert the moisture in the air into crazy things made out of ice like giant ice fists, ice slides to travel on, and I imagine even ice love slaves for those lonely nights in the X-Men Mansion.

Many people may remember him as one of Spider-Man's Amazing Friends from the Saturday morning cartoon of the same name. So the TV exposure made him a natural to be one of the early X-Men figures produced by Toy Biz in the early 90s.

The first Iceman action figure became highly sought after, as the special plastic he was made of that would change color in cold water, was rather expensive to produce, so he was only released in limited quantities. A later version of him was made in a non color changing plastic, however, making the legions of kids that were screaming to get their hands on a cooler than cool Iceman figure, happy again.

But then something went wrong. Apparently the product development people at Toy Biz got a hold of some bad acid. They thought it would be a great idea to unleash a figure on the world the likes of which had never been seen before. A figure called NINJA ICEMAN.

When I first saw this figure, I laughed out loud in the store. It had to be a joke. Why the hell did Iceman need a Ninja outfit?

The figure is laughable beyond that. They used the mold from an old Silver Surver doll to save some money, and the Ninja mask has a styrofoam shipping peanut in the back of the head to help puff it out.

I had to know more, so I arranged for an interview:

LIQUORHEAD: My first question is, WHY? Why a Ninja Iceman?

NINJA ICEMAN: Well, I need to be stealthy. Such is the way of the Ninja.

LIQUORHEAD: But you're practically invisible anyway, you're made out of see through ice.

NINJA ICEMAN: No more questions about my costume. They are growing tiresome.

LIQUORHEAD: Uh...but that's the only reason I wanted to.

NINJA ICEMAN: Ask me about my favorite candy.

LIQUORHEAD: OK, what is your favorite candy.

NINJA ICEMAN: Alexander the Grape!

LIQUORHEAD: I love that stuff. Only I think they're called GRAPE HEADS now.

NINJA ICEMAN: GRAPE HEADS? That's a ridiculous name.


NINJA ICEMAN: Or Liquorhead?

LIQUORHEAD: Point taken. Hey remember when Ferrara Pan, the company that made Alexander the Grape, had that candy called CHERRY CHAN. It had a box with slant-eyed cherries on it, and got in some racism trouble, so they renamed it CHERRY CLAN, and got rid of the offensive cherry depictions.

NINJA ICEMAN: Yeah, CLAN is way less offensive than that?

LIQUORHEAD: Well, I think they are just called CHERRY HEADS now.

NINJA ICEMAN: They renamed MR. MELON into MELON HEADS, too. Why all the head names?


NINJA ICEMAN: Did you used to have another name before you were called LIQUORHEAD?

LIQUORHEAD: Yes, it was Liquordoodle 2000, but that didn't go over well with the kids.

NINJA ICEMAN: I can understand.

LIQUORHEAD: Hey, I bet if that company renamed you, you'd be called NINJA ICEMAN HEAD.


LIQUORHEAD: Did you ever call 867-5309 and ask for Jenny?

NINJA ICEMAN: Why would I do that?

LIQUORHEAD: Don't you remember that song?

NINJA ICEMAN: Was that Mister Mister? They rock!

LIQUORHEAD: No, it was Tommy Tutone.

NINJA ICEMAN: Good lord this interview is as lame as my name!

LIQUORHEAD: One last question, Ninja Iceman.


LIQUORHEAD: Do you get shrinkage problems when you turn to ice?

NINJA ICEMAN: Why do you think I had them make that black ninja loincloth for me?

LIQUORHEAD: Yow, 'nuff said. Thanks Ninja Iceman.

NINJA ICEMAN: Thanks! By the way, I'll be appearing at Cache Creek Indian Casino this weekend singing hits of the 70s along with Rob Hanna's Salute to Rod Stewart. Hope to see you there.

LIQUORHEAD: Will do. Keep cool!

NINJA ICEMAN: Oh yeah, I haven't heard that a million times!


Join me next week when I interview Lumberjack Spider-Man!