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The Readers Choice Awards - Best Cartoon Ever Poll Results
Matt - 07/26/00

Well, another infamous X-E poll has come and gone. This time around, we tried to figure out what you guys felt was the greatest cartoon of all time. The top spots were pretty predictable, but things got interesting on the lower part of the totem pole. Let's take a look at the results...

Champion: The Simpsons (34%, 764 votes)

No big surprise here. Even us loyalists to our respective 80s faves couldn't stop the animated wrecking ball known as the Simpsons. I'd also like to announce that this show is forever banned from future polls, because I'm fucking sick of having to put pictures of Homer Simpson on this site. It makes me feel cheap. Honestly though, even though Simpsons doesn't really fit in with this site, that's only because it's pretty tough to make fun of. Sometimes the most popular actually is the best, and the Simpsons has remained one of the most well-written shows on television for the past decade.

The Prize: For all you Simpsons fans who took the time to vote on your favorite show, here's your prize. This is, undoubtedly, the best moment in Simpsons history. Hell, this might be the best moment in history period. It's the Dr. Zaius song, starring Troy McClure! I can't tell you how often I've listened to this thing. I simply can't count that high. To download it, click here. It's an MP3 file, 2.5 MB.

Silver Medal: Transformers (23%, 494 votes)

Obviously, this is where I threw my mighty vote of doom. When I was a kid, I was into Transformers, but not to the degree I am today. I still watch the tapes religiously, and I still get a chill when Hot Rod uses Judd Nelson for a mouthpiece for the last time in TF: The Movie. It's stood the test of time, it's got a lot of fans, and with the new incarnations of the show (not to mention a huge market for 'retro' fashion t-shirts)'s still a hot commodity.

That is, if we can all overlook the fact that Optimus Prime's trailer mysteriously dissapears whenever he transformes. And don't give me that subspace bullshit. Cop out!

The Prize: Click here to see a commercial for Decepticon gestalt, Menasor! (Realplayer, 1.2 MB)

Bronze Medal: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (7%, 149 Votes)

TMNT edged out the rest of the competitors to come in third place. Shouldn't be surprising - they had the toons, the movies, the toys, and of course - an alien brain who talked like one of those kids who thinks it's hysterical to inhale from helium balloons.

You know the weird thing about these Turtles? They almost never did anything remotely turtle-like. Sure, occassionally they'd pop their heads in the shell for comic relief, other times they'd crap in Splinter's hands...but other than that, they essentially with four guys with poor genetics. True role models for ugly people everywhere. If they can do it, you can do it!

The Prize: If you downloaded Nesticle from my last post, right-click and save target on this link, and soon you'll bask in the glory that is playing the Nintendo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game!

4th Place: G.I. Joe (6%, 141 votes)

I wassss a maannnnn! G.I. Joe was the perfect blend - serious military issues dealt with in the most asinine ways possible. The real-life equivalent of this show would be Iraq attacking us using vicious poodles armed with genetically-enhanced razor paws. But you've gotta thank the man himself, Cobra Commander, who surely led the show to a respectable position on the poll. Yo Joe! Yeah.

5th Place: X-Men (5%, 118 votes)

The X-Men cartoon was doing really shitty on the poll...until the movie came out. That's understandable, you bunch of trendy flash-in-the-pan fuckers. I'm just kidding...this show didn't get nearly enough credit. Nice animations, good stories...and above all else, a scene where Wolverine goes on a ten-minute temper tantrum while Jean Grey marries Cyclops. All the essentials were here.

6th Place: Thundercats (5%, 116 votes)

Thundercats just barely got this spot, and I half blame myself. They haven't gotten nearly enough coverage on this site. We'll have to do something about that. :) I mean, let's face it, there were a lot of great things about this show. In the first episode, none of our parents seemed to notice that we were too busy staring at Cheetara's bare breasts to worry about how stupid it was that Mumm-Ra was continuously defeated by a fucking mirror.

PS, a little side story on Thundercats for ya... Believe it or not, I was once in the Boy Scouts. This was a long time ago, before I realized how much I liked mascara. Anyway, at Christmas they had this gift grab bag, where all the kids got to pick a present out of a bag. There were seven glorious Thundercats figures, and one lame plastic tank toy. I got the tank toy. And I never went back to Boy Scouts again.

7th Place: The Family Guy (5%, 112 Votes)

This is the kind of show that you really gotta see to believe. I got the impression that a lot of you haven't seen it. Believe me, you will. It's got 'cult classic' written all over it. It kinda reminds me of Get A Life in that it's absolutely, completely, fucking, shitting, insane. If you haven't seen the show, I highly suggest doing so. Believe me, it's definitely not what it seems.

8th Place: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (4%, 88 Votes)

After everything we've said about He-Man on this site, I'm surprised it got any votes at all. That just means he should be proud...there's a lot of loyalists out there who can overlook such amazing things as Zodak's Chair of Doom and Skeletor's laugh quota of 14,005 chuckles per episode.

I loved He-Man as a kid, and despite the fact that out of everything on X-E, it's the easiest to make fun of, I still do love He-Man. Fun cartoon, great toys, and eventually, a hot sister in the form of She-Ra. Can't go wrong with that.

9th Place: The Smurfs (3%, 66 Votes)

I found the low vote count here pretty surprising. I mean...come on....Brainy Smurf! Smurfs were really interesting. Aside from that bastard little girl Smurf, Smurfette was the only female in an entire village of horny imps. To top that - she was a hot dish. It wouldn't be so bad if Smurfette was some fat chick with a busted face, but let's face it, half of us have probably looked at her with more than an amused eye at some point. Plus, it'd be pretty hard not to get the label of 'town whore' when you're the only available orifice for guys to poke. Smurfette had it tough, and for that - she certainly deserved more than a dismal 3% of the vote.

Big Fucking Loser: Pokemon (1%, 27 Votes)

Well, you the readers have spoken, and you the readers apparently hate Pokemon. I wish I could say the same, but as you've seen, I make two hour trips just so I can spend 200 bucks trying to win Pokemon dolls. It's not like you'd believe me if I said I hated it. But, in my defense, I come from a huge Italian family who apparently like to fuck a lot, because I have a ton of nieces and nephews who've exposed me to Pokemon more times than Family Matters has exposed the wall to my fist. It's not a bad show. Remember, it caused epileptic fits in Japan. That's gotta count for something.

And those are your results. Thanks for voting! We've got a new poll up - pretty simple this time. After talking to some of you, it's become clear that maybe three people would like to wear an X-Entertainment.Com t-shirt. So the poll we've got up now lets you suggest what you want on it. I've chosen ten things I was thinking about using, and your vote may decide what we use! I'm probably gonna get them made on black t-shirts, for a few reasons: nobody likes wearing white t-shirts, and black is trimming. Fair? Cool.

PS - continued thanks to the readers to their continued support. Our readership is at an all-time high, and it's real exciting for us. In fact, I haven't been this excited since I got severe asthma in intermediate school and got to miss two months of gym. You guys rule the school.

- Matt
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