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Commercials of the 70s! Quisp! Coca-Cola! Alka-Seltzer!
Matt - 08/04/00

I didn't grow up in the 70s. I was born in 1979, but born into a family that had been living the 70s live to a sickening extreme. I see pictures of my siblings when they were my age...some of them look like their clothes were entirely made out of curtains, while other pictures from social gatherings have them dressed in suits that appear to be Meatloaf costumes. I don't know much about the decade's contributions to society, aside from the obvious Disco Craze. But we did need the 70s...because that's when this whole Star Wars and Jaws thing started. For that alone, it's a cool decade.

Then the 80s came around. A lot of people considered that decade a greedy, buyer-oriented materialistic cesspool. Materialistic meaning, people just wanted all the stuff they could afford to get their hands on. Well, there's a good reason why this all boomed in the 80s. Have you ever seen a commercial from the 70s? These things were like anti-promotion! Let's take a look...and yes, they're with downloads...

Quisp Cereal: There's something about Quisp I've always found fascinating. It's the world's first really weird cereal. It's got some weird alien guy as it's mascot, and the actual cereal appears to be nothing more than mishapen crunchy corn flakes. But the commercial is really strange. It's kinda like one of those old Roger Ramjet cartoons, but more importantly, it does nothing to promote the cereal. What we do get however, is the Quisp guy trying to save the universe from a giant ball of yarn floating through space by turning it into an 80-mile-long necktie. Yep, you got it: what the fuck?

Download: .AVI file, 2.6 MB. Click here to download!

As an aside, Quisp fans can still taste the sweet Quaker corn goodness for themselves. Yes, Quisp is for sale again. If that's not reason to celebrate, I don't know what is. Fanatics can click here to go buy some Quisp Cereal online.

Coca-Cola Commercial: If you'll go back in time, you'll see that Coca-Cola really thought it was the supreme ruler of the world. You won't believe that this commercial, titled 'I'd like to teach the world to sing' from 1971, is actually an advertisement for soda.

You'll never be more touched in your life. Or scared.

Download: .AVI file, 2.0 MB. Click here to download!

Alka-Seltzer: This is one groovy clip. Sinatra was a busy guy, so since Alka-Seltzer couldn't land ol' blue eyes...they settled for ol' glass eye. Yes, an Alka-Seltzer commercial featuring the doo-wop shimmy shah! of the one and only Sammy Davis Jr. This clip, while short, is strangely addicting. Sort of like Alka-Seltzer.

Download: .AVI file, 830 KB. Click here to download!

Is it true a seagull will explode if you give it an Alka-Seltzer? That was always the urban myth in my school. Looks like I have a project for the next time I go out with the digicam...

More Coca-Cola: Football star Mean Joe loves Coca-Cola almost as much as he loves giving his sweaty, disgusting shirts to little fanboys. I love the tagline of this one: 'Coke adds life'. I'll be able to tell you if that's true in a few years, considering by now, I'm probably around 85% Coca-Cola. And 15% pencil lead.

Download: .AVI file, 1,4 MB. Click here to download!

'Hey kid...catch.'

Bonus: ABC Friday Night Movie: Figured I'd lump this clip in with the rest of all this 70s mania. Remember how all the networks had their little 5 second colorful promo display before showing a special show? My personal favorite was the one where the word 'Special' swirled around the screen with the epic music playing in the background. But I couldn't find that, so take a look at this: ABC's 1970s tv special promo shot.

Download: .AVI File, 900 KB. Click here to download!

So ends our little journey back to the 70s. A time where the commercials didn't necessarily have to make sense. Let's face it...a time where the commercials didn't have to necessarily have anything to do with the product they were promoting. But we'll let 'em slide. People were still probably so fucked up from all the drugs they did in the 60s, they would've bought anything you told them to.


- Matt