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Lando's Jive Other Groovy Star Wars MP3s!
Matt - 08/15/00

I usually don't like turning a multimedia file into an article unless there's a lot that can be said about it. However, I'm gonna have to make an exception in this case. These MP3s are just too cool.

The Star Wars trilogy has a fantastic score, no doubt about that. The Imperial March still sends a chill down my spine. Then again, so does Tony Randall's interpretation of NY, NY from Gremlins 2. Point is, while the movies have a fantastic orchestral soundtrack, I can't help but watch the Jawa scenes thinking how much cooler they'd be with some righteous hip happenin' backbeats playing in the background.

With that train of thought in mind, I proudly present to you...

Star Wars Backbeats!!!

I don't remember exactly how these came into our posession, but I'm really glad they did. You've never heard Star Wars like this before - in cutting-edge remix form with more groove than you could shake a stick at! These trance-like songs are absolutely fantastic. You don't even need to be an SW fan to appreciate 'em. You just gotta have soul, my brothers. And you're reading X-E, so chances are you've got fucking shitloads of soul.

I'm going to give you five of 'em now. I've got some others, but we'll save those for a rainy day. If these don't inspire you to pour an onion martini and chill out with your Rancor Monster figure, something's seriously wrong with you...

One Smooth Character

This song is all about Star Wars' coolest cat and Colt 45 spokesman, Lando Calrissian. Lando was a bona fide jive soul bro - and this song does everything to prove it. The song begins with Han telling you all the eccentricities of Lando (card player, gambler, scum) and pointing out that no, Lando is not a system. He's a man. Then we get remixes of Lando's best quotes. All in all, it's impossible to listen to this song without looking for sunglasses and a sax. Or at least, it's impossible to listen to it without giggling a lot.

Download One Smooth Character; 3.5 MB, by clicking here.

Space Beauty: Have you ever seen someone try to doppelgang Leia's Star Wars hairdo? Whether it be for a costume party, social event, or white trash wedding? Well, they always look like idiots. Only Carrie Fisher could pull off that style, and that's why she deserves this song, with a bunch of remixes of quotes from the first movie along with some zany elevator music playing in the background. If you like sass, this one's got more than Jenna Von Oy, and you won't have to put up with watching Blossom to get at it. Download Space Beauty; 4.5 MB, by clicking here.

Admiral Ackbar, Please: We've already went through the reasons why a national holiday should be declared in honor of Ackbar several times here on X-E. He's a squid in a flight attendant suit who somehow managed to land a top role in the Rebel fleet. Now that's impressive. This song, which co-stars Alliance den mother, Mon Mothma, adds yet more grace and dignity to everyone's favorite Mon Calamarian. If that's possible. But most importantly - it's a really catchy tune. Remember that 'What would you doooo-oooh...for a Klondike Bar?' song? Well, it's not that catchy. But it's damn close. Download Admiral Ackbar Please, by clicking here.

Greedo Plays Himself

This one might be my fave out of all of 'em. It's incredible that someone could take porno music and all of Greedo's untranslated quotes, mix em together, and still come out with a song fourteen times better than half of what's on MTV these days. You won't understand a single word Greedo says, but I guarantee you you'll start singing along after about the third listen.

Greedo is the Star Wars Universe's least effective bounty hunter. He finds Han Solo and manages to waste about 15 minutes chatting with him, giving Solo ample time to pull out his gun and shoot the poor bastard. Greedo suffered from what movie people call the 'villain's curse', that being that the villain for some reason must explain his evil intentions in detail to his victim before actually doing anything, almost always resulting in defeat and a lot of 'you're fucking stupid!' shouts. Greedo, this one's for you.

Download Greedo Plays Himself; 3.4 MB, by clicking here.

Jedi Mind Trick

Consider this a final tribute to the late, great Alec Guiness. This one's really well done. Be careful though, it's the kinda song that really drills a hole in the sane portion of your brain. We get a bunch of quotes and the exchange between Obi-Wan and the idiot stormtrooper at Mos Eisley. Plus a really echoey Luke!

Download Jedi Mind Trick; 1.5 MB, by clicking here.

All in all, these are some pretty cool songs. Definitely worth the download. Pick out your favorite, save it your HD, and let it download. While you're waiting, check out these pics from a cut scene from The Empire Strikes Back.

For those who haven't spent their lives getting acquainted with Star Wars lore, that's C-3P0 removing the warning label from a door so the snowtroopers won't realize what's behind it - a herd of giant, yeti-like Wampas! Bazam!

I don't know why they didn't leave it in the movie. If we can get 14 minutes of footage of fucking Lobot, you'd think they'd at least give us the cool Wampa scene. But noooo...we get Lobot. Oh, in case you guys are wondering who this Lobot character is, take a look...

Sorry, there's no song about this guy. There's figures, soap, mugs, and cookie jars shaped like him...but no songs.


- Matt