Everyone had a toy when they were a kid that served as the focal point of their little action figure world. Someplace that your action figures could call 'home'. For me, that special toy was the Ewok Village, an absolute dream for a 4 year old. Made by Kenner as a tie-in to Return of the Jedi, the Ewok Village might very well be the greatest playset ever made.

My stupid action figures would congregate at the Ewok Village, mainly for parties. It was neutral ground, it didn't make a different if you were Jabba the Hutt, Han Solo, or Darth Vader. Everyone was friends among these plastic trees. Usually, the plotline revolved around Princess Leia having a doomed affair with Boba Fett, where the two would discuss the sheer impossibility of a sucessful union. No, I'm not kidding. I didn't make my action figures fight. I turned them into fucking Melrose Place characters.

How'd the Ewoks feel about all this? Surely, they deserved a bigger role than I was giving them. After all, this was their home. Fuck that. In my toy world, Ewoks had no intelligence, and served only as somewhat large pets for the true stars of the show. The only Ewok I'd give any type of credence to was Chief Chirpa, but that was only because of his warrior-like headgear. The rest of the Ewoks were dismissed as domestic animals with a passion for sitting on the site motionless while the cool guys took center stage.

But it was all in good fun. I can still remember the exact time I got this thing...walking through Bradlees with my sister back in '84. I couldn't leave without it, so she decided to give me an extra special birthday gift. If someone offered me a million dollars instead of the Ewok Village back then, I wouldn't have taken it. This was the Holy Grail of toys, ladies and gentlemen.

Neat things about The Ewok Village:

1.- You could make figures gang up on one guy in particular, such as an unassuming Ughnaught, and force them down the tree drain to their doom.

2.- One of the trees had a private hut, which was reserved strictly for business meetings between the Ewoks and their distinguished guests.

3.- It came with a trap net which made trapping Admiral Ackbar extremely amusing. Ackbar, that red squid guy who led the rebel fleet in Jedi, was never too pleased with such events.

4.- Large dance floor.

The only Star Wars toy I was equally as excited to receive was the infamous Jabba the Hutt action playset. I got that one early one Christmas Eve, and forced my entire family to watch me play with it. While it wasn't quite as involved as the Ewok Village, it was still fun to be ironic and put Vader on the toy leash that came with the set. Jabba looked far less menacing in toy form, and could really cut a rug with his crazy tail swinging action.

I could literally write a novel about all my sordid little boring experiences involving Star Wars toys. I'm sure a number of you out there have many of your own. The figures were just too cool to resist. They were much funner than GI Joe because the smell of the plastic when you opened them gave ya a small high. Fuck now I'm gonna have to go spend 150 bucks at a collectible shop just so I can smell the stupid new plastic again. I hate nostalgia.

Coolest figures? My all time fave was the Emperor's Royal Guard. I must've gone through about 50 of those. I could never resist ripping his gorgeous red gown off. Boba Fett was high up there too, and I'm sure I wasn't the only kid convinced that you could remove the rocket. I got arthritis at age six from trying. Squid Head was decent too. I was partial to any figure that had a cloth accessory. It made them seem so much more superior to the other ones.

The point of this article? Nothing really. Stream of consciousness trip down memory lane. I'm a toy freak, and since I own this site, no one can stop me from secretly transforming it into a toy shrine. With every passing day, you'll notice more and more toy references, until finally there's nothing on this site but pictures of Dick Tracy dolls. Enjoy it while it lasts.

If anyone wants to let me know their own personal faves, feel free to drop me a line. I love this topic.

You can view pictures of my personal collection by clicking here. I'm a loser, but SW fans will drool over this...

- Matt
matt@x-entertainment.com
AOL IM: C9C MMM dX