GI JOE, HE-MAN, TRANFORMERS...I've had it! Too long have these roided beefy mindless figures dominated the bandwidth of X-E. It's time to pay tribute to the real coolest action figure line of all time...MY LITTLE PONIES! There's so many delightful ones that I've enjoyed thorugh the years that narrowing it down to 10 is like picking which children you want to save. But I was able to do it. So sit back and enjoy...  #10 "CAROUSEL" Carousel was a simply delightful horse. With her sky-blue hair and purple body, you know this little scamp was up to something spelled with three letters that started with an "F" (here's a hint...it rhymes with 'bun'). Long were the days that Carousel and I would spend, galloping in the backyard together, without a care in the world.  #9 "PINKY" Pinky was always a treat to play with. I'll never forget when I asked Santa for Pinky one Christmas. My parents thought I was weird, since I was 13 years old, but they complied and my heart jumped higher than a thousand little ponies when she was waiting for me that holiday morn. I used to take her to school with me every day, until that time some of the older kids beat me up, and started calling me "My Little Fairy". One of the football players burned her, but she'll alwyas have a special place in my heart.  #8 "LOLLIPOP" This brightly colored goddess was named Lollipop, and rightly so, cause she was clearly the most tasty of the My Little Ponies. I'd spend hours and hours licking her, until most of her decals came off. I was actually rushed to the hospital after tasting her scrumptious plastic for a whole weekend. The doctor said the cheap Chinese plastic was full of enough toxins to kill a rat. Ah, Lollipop, you always hurt the one you love.  #7 "ROSEY POSEY" I loved Rosey Posey. She was a handy pony 'cause her head came off really easy and it made for a handy place to hide lip balm. Whenever my lips got chapped, I'd just snap off ol' Rosey's head and keep my lips fresh and clean (they'd often get chapped from licking lollipop too much). I once asked Rosey Posey to marry me, but she didn't answer. I took her silence as a "Yes", however, and we had a quiet ceremony in my room with the whole Rainbow Brite and Strawberry Shortcake village in attendance. I was certainly as surprised as anyone when Purple Pieman put on his priest garb and married us officially. I love you Rosey Posey!  #6 "RED" Red was a weird horse that was hard to love at first. One day red killed my dog. Perhaps out of jealousy, or some insane anti-canine bloodlust that I've yet to figure out. But needless to say, Red was one tough pony. Sometimes Red tells me to shoot people, but I don't have a gun, thank goodness!  #5 "OLIVIARINA" Oliviaraina was a special giveaway only My Little Pony that you could only get if you saved 400 proof of purchase seals. At least that's what the guy on eBay told me. Anyway, after spending over $3,000 I finally added her to my collection. I was surprised to see "Mai Litleee Poneye" mispelled on the bottom, so when I emailed the eBay buyer back about this, he just told me it was a rare prototype, that's why it's spelled wrong. Look at it and weep, fellow collectors...you're not getting your hands on this gem!  #4 "PLUSHY MUSHY" I found Plushy Mushy at a thrift store. It was soaked with piss, diarrhea, and lice when I first found it, but after a few days in the washing machine, it was as good as new. Unfortunately it gave me a bad case of lice and I had to shave my head. Bad pony!  #3 "STICKERBEE" Such a freaky little pony. Stickerbee was fully of all kinds of pretty swirls and hearts. I took this one from a 3 year old girl and let me tell you it was worth hearing all the crying and complaining to obtain this lovely treasure. I like to keep Stickerbee in my pants, cause it keeps her warm and cozy, and I know she's safe.  #2 "WINGS" This cool little pony is unlike any pony I've ever seen in my life, because it's yellow and has wings. When I first saw this, I said, "What the fuck is this, a yellow pony with WINGS? DIE YOU STUPID FREAK OF NATURE! DIE DIE DIE! I then microwaved it until it melted into a big puddle of yellow goo, dumped it in a coffee can, and buried it in my backyward with the legions of decapitated Fonzie dolls I had dumped so many years before. But looking back, I think I was a bit hasty. Wings...if you're out there, I wish you peace! I'm not a playa hata anymore.  #1 "YELLA" Yella was the best of them all, because she was The Messiah. I think it was pretty strange for Christ to return to earth as funny yellow plastic horse, especially mine. But to be chosen to keep this plastic savior in my house until the time is right for the world to be saved, how could I not vote Yella as #1. YELLA, you rock, you crazy little plastic Son of God! -liquorhead
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