previous article | x-entertainment.com | next article Wesley Willis: 350 Pound Schizophrenic Lyrical Messiah liquorhead - 09/17/00 If there's one secret I can share with y'all, it's CHECK OUT WESLEY WILLIS! In a music world full of derivative boy bands, teen queens, and rock stars too busy suing Napster to release anything of quality, it's refreshing to see an artist like Wesley Willis who is simply like nobody else you've ever heard in your life. A look at the picture above will show you he's like nobody you've ever seen, as well. If the Messiah is a homeless schizophrenic 350 pound black man that sings about everything from sucking a horse's ass to going to eating too much food at McDonald's, then Wesley Willis is surely The Second Coming. At first listen, Willis is a headshakingly awful musical experience. Crappy synthesizer accompanies his rants from another dimension with that's below the quality of your average Nintendo game. But there's an honesty to his madness that makes him one of the more fun guys to listen to in an awful long time. Willis was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1989 and instead of laying in a gutter and peeing on himself, he chose instead to share his inner demons with the world in a musical form. With over 400 recorded songs to date, you'd think he was a prolific master along the lines of Bob Dylan, but when you discover that the average time it takes to record one of his albums is less than 5 hours, it's clear that there's little thought at all put into his work. It's just the voices in his head taking over and talking for him. Nearly all of his songs follow a pretty basic formula. Usually under 3 minutes, they start with him ranting about a celebrity, committing some offensive act, or his past, repeating the same phrase with ear numbing frequency, then ending the song with some inspired commercial phrase like, "Wheaties...Breakfast of Champions." CLICK HERE to hear Wesley's tune "Suck A Horse's Ass". It rivals South Park's UNCLEFUCKA in sheer vulgarity, but has a charm that's unexplainable. Wesley Willis is a pop culture barf bag belching out whatever he's collected through the years to anyone who cares to listen. "Cut the Mullet" is probably one of Wesley Willis' greatest triumphs. Today's anti-Mullet sentiment is largely due to this masterpiece. A simple look at these lyrics explain why: "CUT THE MULLET" Do something about your long, filthy hair It looks like a rat's nest Do something about your mullet Get out the hair clippers, jerk Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet Get the rat's nest off your head Get that crazy-ass mother off your skull Take your ass to the barber shop Tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet, Cut the mullet The mullet is the reason why people hate you They are sick of looking at your nappy weed-sack Nobody wants to look at you with that mullet on your head Why don't you cut that mullet, you numbskull Rock over London, rock on Chicago Insure One, it's the insurance superstore Another great pair of Willis tunes is the remarkable, "I Whupped Batman's Ass" and "I Whipped Superman's Ass". At first glance you'd guess it was the same song with just the main character's name changed, but the clever nuances within make them both fantastic lyrical masterpieces. "I WUPPED BATMAN'S ASS Batman got on my nerves He was running me amok He ridiculed me calling me a bum I wupped Batman's ass (repeat 6 times) Batman thought he was bad He was a fucking asshole in the first place He got knocked to the floor I wupped Batman's ass (repeat 5 times) Batman beat the hell out of me and knocked me to the floor I got back up and knocked him to the floor He was being such a jackoff I wupped Batman's ass (repeat 10 times) Rock over London, rock on Chicago Wheaties, breakfast of champions "I WHIPPED SUPERMAN'S ASS Superman had a big "S" on his chest He was drawing on my nerves I got mad at his drunk ass I gave him a war hell ride I whipped Superman's ass (repeat 4 times) Superman thought he was bad He was messing with my girlfriend I caught him in my room kissing her I took a rubber hose and flogged his rump I whipped Superman's ass (repeat 4 times) Superman beat the hell out of me He knocked me to the floor I got back up and knocked him to the floor Superman was being such a roughneck I whipped Superman's ass (repeat 4 times) Rock over London, rock on Chicago Shell, it's the world's best-selling gasoline On Amazon.com, "Mike from Georgia" writes: "Wesley Willis may well be one of the most under-rated musical talents of our time. His beautiful harmonies are only outdone by his creative lyrics. He should truly be an inspiration to us all. To quote just a line "Batman beat me up and knocked me to the floor... I then got up and knocked HIM to the floor." Truly beautiful work though it does him no justice. In this passage Wesley truly makes us feel the opression he has suffered due to the likes of "Batman." It's poetry, sheer genius..." Wesley's currently touring the country, and is likely to come to your town soon. You can check out his latest tour dates here. For tons more MP3s and more info about this underrated master, check out his official site at WESLEYWILLIS.COM and learn more! Rock Over London, Rock On Chicago...KIX...Kid Tested, Mother Approved -liquorhead