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Get A Life: Back on the air, and here on X-E!
Matt - 09/19/00

While some announcements go virtually unheard, others are so earth-shattering and glorious that even your cat starts blowing party horns. This is definitely one from the latter: Get A Life is back on television!

My e-mailbox has been flooded the past few days with fellow fans of probably the greatest television sitcom ever created making it's return in reruns to the air. It's been a long road, nearly ten years have past since the show was available to the general public. Get A Life can now be seen weekdays at 1:30 on the USA Network!

For those who haven't basked in the show's glory and haven't read the reviews of it on this site, it's by far the most fucked up tv series you can ever hope to see. Chris Elliot stars as Chris Peterson, thirty-year-old paperboy with a penchant for getting himself killed in every episode while claiming to his throat doctor that he's too 'chocolaty' to die from tonsilitis.

The show only had two seasons, and if you look at the dismal numbers it pulled it, it was lucky to even had that. The first season had Chris still living at home with his parents, who did nothing but sit and the kitchen table and drink coffee all day. In that time, they seemed to be driving for somewhat of a plot - Chris was a pre-middle-aged, goofy loser. But it wasn't until season two that things really started to pick up. Those familiar with Elliot's past work on Saturday Night Live should know that he's got a pretty...unique...sense of humor. But when you put him in a position to dictate a failing show's direction, especially a show that was on late Sunday night on Fox, you really won't believe what you're watching.

Even before it was cancelled, the show had amassed a cult following. Surprisingly, the cult following grew and grew, even a decade in the show's wake. In the past few years Get A Life videos and DVDs were released, but still we yearned for more. Through some scrutiny, awhile back I was able to land all the shows on tape, and I've spent countless nights 'devirginizing' people who hadn't seen it to it's sheer brilliant stupidity. There was nothing quite like it on television during it's first run, and there's certainly been nothing like it since.

To commemorate this grand occassion, we've got an episode download of one of my favorite episodes, 1977 - 2000, on X-E. This one really captures the show's blatant insanity. Let's review:

1977 - 2000:

General Plot: Chris realizes that his landlord Gus really misses kicking the shit out of 'jaywalking, punk bastard pinkos' as a police officer, and hatches the plan to go back in time to save his career. Gus hates the idea, and makes Chris promise not to go through with it. Chris agrees, but luckily...he had his fingers crossed.

After some debating, Chris goes back in time using his soon-to-be-patented 'Time Juice', a chilling combination including: cover of Time Magazine, Thyme, an hourglass, a few watches, and the essential ingredient: a precious lock of Michael J. Fox's hair.

Landing back in 1977, Chris' goal is to stop the frustrated Gus from urinating on his captain. Yes, that's the mission. In round one, Chris screws up and Gus ends up shooting the captain. When he returns to the present, he learns that his good buddy's been executed!

Going back a second time through the mysterious time warp dimension, Chris first notices a goat flying around and decides that his theory about a race of super-goats going back in time to teach a militia of regular goats to take over the world must be true. He lands in 1977 again, but this time Gus 'saves' the captain from the perverted antagonizing of Chris, and gets promoted. Chris takes off to the present again, confident that he's done a great job.

Nope! This time, it's revealed that after a sting operation that put Gus in prison, he volunteered for genetic experiments to get him out a few years earlier. The end result? Gus is now a full-fledged woman, called 'Gussy'. There's more: apparently, Gussy and Chris had a whirlwind romance, got married, the whole storybook.

So, it's back to 1977 one more time. This time around, Chris just wants things back to normal, so he gets Gus to take the original route by pissing on his captain. Gus gets punched in the stomach for it, but at least he won't end up dead or a woman in the future, right?

Chris returns to the present, where everything seems okay. Gus is the same dirty man reading Victoria's Secret catalogs, and Chris' garage 'apartment' looks just the way he left it. But wait - what's that at the door? Yes, in this version of the present, and for absolutely no reason, the world is full of two-headed walking dead zombies who all look like Chris' arch-nemesis, Sharon. Obviously, Chris has a lot of work to do, so he takes a swig of the Time Juice again...but wait...that's not the Time Juice bottle...Chris accidentally drank 'Juice That Will Make You Explode'! And he does! The end.

It might seem like I'm making this up, but this is actually a very brief synopsis of the episode - all of this and a lot more nonsense can be found within. Before moving on, let's take a look at how Chris ended up deciding to create the Time Juice. It wasn't an easy decision, as the methods he could've went back in time were virtually limitless...

Remember, Gus had made Chris promise not to go back in time. Chris agreed, but he had his fingers crossed. Before going through with his plans, Chris uses a handy pull-down chart to figure out how to get them uncrossed. And you're telling me this isn't the greatest show ever made?

Chris first ponders running like a girl at the speed of light to travel back to the past, but votes against it, remembering that his 'lacey anklets' were still in the wash.

For some reason, there's a Time Machine right next to Chris' bed. He would've used that, but he didn't want to disturb the cute family of racoons that lived inside.

Course, there was always the Time Tunnel. Chris recalls there being some pretty big bugs inside, but besides all that, this thing makes him dizzy. Pass.

Another option was using his friend Steve's Delorean, but that wouldn't work either. The left blinker is out, and as Chris mentions, a hand signal at that kind of speed would rip off his Lee Press-Ons.

And there's the infamous bottle that'll cause Chris to explode into a thousand pieces at the show's close. Chris dying was a running gag on the show, here's a few others ways he's kicked the bucket in other episodes:

* After getting over his six-hour failed marriage to supermodel Nicolette Preston, a giant boulder falls on him.

* In Girlfriend 2000, Chris' stalker stabs him to death even after getting over her obsession, saying that she had to 'finish what she started'.

* When Chris is held hostage by wanted ex-convict Irma, Gus misfires six times and shoots Chris to death.

* In the last episode of the show, Chris is on a plane flying to Iraq. He has to go to the bathroom, but accidentally walks out the exit door and falls 20,000 feet from the sky. But don't worry, he landed safely on a bed in the middle of the street. Unfortunately, the bed was made entirely of plastic explosives.

Remember to check local listings to see if you're one of the lucky ones able to watch this great show again. I'll be watching... Now, some of the episodes were pretty risque. If those are skipped in the rerun rotation, you'll definitely be seeing them on X-E. Let's not wait any longer, here's your chance to download 1977 - 2000, courtesy of a Dr. Rocket upload...

Click Here To Go To The Download Page!

And of course, you can always check out some of Chris Elliot's other works...

Elliot starred in the only movie that made less at the box office than Career Opportunities, the wonderous Cabin Boy. He also played that guy with the hives in There's Something About Mary, and yes, Chris can also be seen in various Tostitos commercials across the nations. A true star in every sense of the word.

- Matt